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Thoughts, stories, ideas, recipes, cheers, and more... What else did you think you would get for a $1 tip?

For those of you looking for something on the more sophisticated side you have my apologies. This blog unfortunately mirrors the author (yours truly.) Some of the humor is not for everyone but I liked it and it's my blog so there! My patrons sometimes ask me where I come up with some of this stuff. I am glad to tell them my mind is a lot like Canada. It is sometimes a bit cold, there are a few dark corners, some of it down right confusing and even a bit dirty but there is also a lot of neat stuff up there. So I hope you all enjoy this blog! ... Cheers!

Thursday, January 6, 2011

Just Ask Me... I'll Tell Ya!

I have been slacking a bit on this column as of late. I have had a lot of questions come my way and with the holiday's and all I just haven't had the time to answer them. So this week the questions are right in my wheel house in dealing with sex and relationships from both the male and female perspective. I have been actually getting questions sent to me on e-mail and I better come through on the answers chop-chop! So here goes...

Dear Bartender,
I have been dating this girl for 3 months and she refuses to have oral sex. This is something I love and want to now how I can make her go down there and get to down to business?
Jimmy - Boston, MA

A: Jimmy, They still make women in that model?!?! I thought this was a option that came standard like AM/FM radio or power brakes in all Chevy's! Alright seriously there is no way to "make her" go down on you. I am going to take a page out of DR. Phil's notebook here and tell you that if you really like this girl and this is a deal breaker for you then talk to her about it. Communication is key when getting what we want. Those who do not ask do not get is something I say quite often. Now what might help entice your girlfriend to move in that direction... Does your girlfriend like Chocolate syrup, whipped cream or jam? If the answer is yes you can always have a little fun with food and lure her down the happy trail there and just like hunters do with deer pellets leave a little extra around where you would like her to pay special attention to warm her up to the idea. If she still resists and this is a deal breaker for you then this may not be the girl for you. Remember dating is a lot like shopping for fresh produce you get to pick up as many as you like and give them a squeeze and a smell before buying. I hope this helps because now I am hungry!

Dear Bartender,

I am a 28 year old woman and I have been with the same man for the past 6 years. I use to have Orgasms all the time with past boyfriends but this guy for all his kindness and warmth and love is a complete dud in bed and I never had an Orgasm with him. I hear my girlfriends talking about all their wild and crazy sexual exploits and think why can't that be me?
Susan - Richmond, VA

A: Susan, My number is (603)233... Sorry let me start over. Like my mom always use to say, "sex is like Chinese food. It ain't over till you both get your cookies." I think you need to talk to your man abou this. Stop faking it and tell him what really blows your skirt up! You would be surprised what us men can do when we have a little direction. We would ask for direction but much like when we are behind the wheel of the car pride tends to get in the way. So just mention it next time with a little whisper in his ear to do a little of this or a little more of that and you will more than likely be suprised with his reaction when he sees yours! If he still refuses to take a little costructive critisism maybe love is not all you need and it might be time to put yourself back on the open market. Trust me cranky and frustrated is no way to go through life.

If you have questions for me send me them at

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