Breakups Suck! Getting through it...

Every song on the radio reminds you of the certain someone that use to light up every dull corner of your head. Food loses it's taste and everything brings a tear to your eye. This week has proven to be just that for yours truly. The vulnerable feeling of casting yourself out there completely unedited and without a safety net is terrifying and then for it to all blow up in your face is just crushing. Never mind having my heart stepped on. This feels like having it tossed into the highway and run over by an 18-wheeler, burned on a stake and then given a quaint burial at sea right after being spit on. I realize this all sounds very melodramatic. This however is where I am in the process of grieving. Just like any loss there are steps to becoming whole again. Getting knocked down is a way of life and it happens everyday. How we move forward after we dust ourselves off, defines who we are.

There are steps to this. These steps are vital to getting back to being semi-whole again. Below are the steps as seen by Joey and Chandler on the show "Friends." They only have 3 steps. My process has a few more.

Chandler: You don’t have to stop having fun just because I’m here. Kathy didn’t cheat on all of you. (To Joey) Well, except you. (They hug and Chandler goes into the bathroom with the chick and duck following him.)

Monica: Hey, Joey, I don’t think that you should leave Chandler alone. I mean it’s only been two days since he broke up with Kathy. Maybe you can go fishing next week?

Joey: Look, there’s nothing I can do for him right now, he’s still in his sweat pants, that’s still Phase One. Y'know? I’ll be back for Phase Two, I would never miss Phase Two.

Monica: What’s Phase Two?

Joey: Gettin’ drunk and going to a strip club.

Rachel: How does going to a strip club help him better?

Ross: Because there are naked ladies there.

Joey: Which helps him get to Phase Three, picturing yourself with other women. 

In the book "Comfort for Bereavement" Granger Westburg's list has 10 steps. This would be considerably more than the aforementioned "Friends" episode. However the sitcom had just 30 minutes to address the issue instead of 150+ pages granted by Westinghouse to Granger. His steps where:

1) Shock

2) Emotion

3) Depressed / Lonely

4) Physical Symptoms

5) Panicky about our Preoccupation

6) Guilt

7) Anger / Resentment

8) Resist Returning
9) Hope

10) Struggle to Affirm Reality 

Now my list I think has a happy medium between the 2 Some of them are labeled the same and they also all depend upon who you are as a person. Some of these steps you might be able to cut through in a matter of minutes some might take days and weeks. None of this is easy. Let me repeat that last sentence NONE OF THIS IS OR WILL BE EASY! The important part is that you find your way to the other side of this love sick coin. Here is my list of steps. I hope it helps. In the words of Pat from Saturday Night Live... "Because you are good enough and smart enough and dog-gon-it people like you!"

Step 1: Shocking Brutal Truth

That feeling of what the hell just happened?! How the hell did this just happen?! I know things where tough and a lot was said but holy crap what is going on?

Step 2: No Way! (Disbelief)

This could not be it! This is not the end. This is the same notion that they will walk back in that door at any moment. There you will be waiting to forgive and forget with open arms. That whatever the issues are this love is bigger than the both of you and this is not the way the story is suppose to end. This is not the happy ending you both talked about and anything less than that just will not do.

Step 3: Baby Come Back! (Desperation)

This is where all the songs played on the radio are pointed at you. You suddenly feel the need to write a letter to be read on air to Delilah or Casey Kasem (God rest his soul.) Sweatpants an old t-shirt make their first appearance. Whatever you do stay away from Facebook now. Everything they say or do that you see posted at this point could leave you spiraling for days.

 

Meet Mr. Jack Daniels before you enter these next few stages... I know I rarely condone getting drunk however in this case tap the bottle and twist the cap. You are going to need a little liquid to swallow these pills to dull the pain.

Step 4: Pissed Off! (Anger)

Fuck HER! I gave all and that is how she is going to treat me? Fuck her! Fuck that! Fuck everything! For all I care she can go jump off a bridge! How dare she leave me! Yup! You  guessed it this is the Fuck it all, damn her to hell phase.

Step 5: The Blues (Depression and Isolation)

This is the point where you stop shaving anything. Personal hygiene  goes completely out the window. Showers are far few and in-between and why bother because no one loves you or will love you in that manor anyway. She was the only one that ever understood you and she left. The feeling here is that you are going to die alone and you might as well start purchasing cats now. Keep in mind the old blues song here that goes "If it weren't for the Blues it wouldn't have brought me to you."

Step 6: Rebound

Strippers and no-name hook ups! Let the rolling party begin. This is self preservation and heeling thinly veiled in self destruction. Be careful because misery loves company and the last thing you want to do is bring people into the dark cavernous vortex that is your wretched soul. At the same time have someone you trust on standby to tell you when enough is enough. Don't be surprised when you cry upon orgasm for the first 30 days. Feel free to use the tears as lubricant.

Step 7: Cleansing Breath (Acceptance)

I had a Drill Sargent years ago when he saw someone going through a tough time would say: "Son, I see you, but I can't reach you. You are sucking helium and floating on your own. Time to hike up the Huggies and drive on with a hard-on soldier." Words to live by. The bottom line here is that you are going to be alright. The Earth will keep spinning and you need to be a part of it in a positive capacity again.

I wish you all well and hopes this help someone. As for me I am going back to my bottle of Jack.

Cheers!