tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33361732295284526682024-02-20T14:42:47.548-05:00Shots from the BartenderWelcome to My World!!!Good Times Charleyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07096645499497577447noreply@blogger.comBlogger285125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3336173229528452668.post-2147398766198142942016-03-16T00:15:00.003-04:002016-03-16T00:15:40.666-04:00If You're Happy and You Know it Use Your Hand!<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<span style="color: red; font-size: x-large;"><strong>I</strong></span>t's your friendly booze jockey Charles the Bartender back behind the keyboard once again! It has been a bit of hiatus for me here. Nothing to be concerned about as my great Australian friend Dr. Bruce Northcote would say being a "slack bastard." Well said Bruce....So it's been since late November 2015 that you all have heard from me last and so as you might imagine I have a lot of fuel for the fire ready to poor out of my brain down to my fingertips and all over this keyboard. What a joyous mess it will be! <br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgSblSPxRqgBO2s0oxl9_UjGYzafpuF9FxAM9unNHE4twFG5xrTUqEZ4tYzVKWNJXtz10Bt5y8ylcs-o18TMnGHrNFaQ1LkXiCMJd2D_LtmZs8ofDIpu9X5vOQb4X46CxLyYu-UGvxJdJCO/s1600/mast2.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgSblSPxRqgBO2s0oxl9_UjGYzafpuF9FxAM9unNHE4twFG5xrTUqEZ4tYzVKWNJXtz10Bt5y8ylcs-o18TMnGHrNFaQ1LkXiCMJd2D_LtmZs8ofDIpu9X5vOQb4X46CxLyYu-UGvxJdJCO/s320/mast2.jpg" width="320" /></a>Let's kick it off by something we are all comfortable talking about, religion and masturbation... Those crazy Catholics say that Masturbation is a sin. This could be a big reason why I am no longer a Catholic. They say you must repent at once! If you fail to repent you will be sent to an eternal damnation with the rest of the fornicators. Personally, I think the Catholics really need to get together with Heavens marketing department because so far they really aren't presenting a convincing argument for me. I mean I have friends that go to Sex Addicts Anonymous meetings just hoping to catch a few that will eventually fall off the wagon. "Eternal damnation with the rest of the fornicators" just sounds like an extended stay at Spring Break in the Bahamas to me! Thanks for the advice Catholic Church. Now if you wouldn't mind locking the door before you leave so my kids don't walk in on me mid-stroke it would be greatly appreciated. If you really want to endear yourself to me feel free to have a hot moist towel and a medium cheese pizza delivered. However all this talk about stop and repent just sounds like the words of someone that gives up way to easily. I am not a quitter!<br />
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Don't get me wrong here, I will apologize till the cows come home. I'll even give those looking down on me a little heads up and avert your eyes warning if it helps. I commonly say I sometimes feel like my Meme and Poppop are looking down on me and my family especially when things go in our favor however I'm pretty certain that the monitoring is a full time job and hopefully they are taking shifts. If they ever read any of this mess I would like to let them know they might want to take a coffee break between 11pm and midnight on a fairly nightly basis. I am currently shuttering at the thought of my Poppop looking down on me and saying in his monotone Eyore sounding voice just like when he taught me how to tie my shoes "Charley, you're doing it all wrong..." Or even worse my Meme asking my grandfather why I look so angry?<br />
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Possibly a better idea is to get the Catholics marketing department together with the Muslims. Let's face facts in this day and age we are all looking for a great bargain here or in the afterlife. The Muslims marketing team is so good they are making people off themselves to the tune of a promise of 72 virgins. This is something I would really want promised in writing because if it where me and it turned out to be a bait and switch, someone would have hell to pay. Coincidentally, these guys must really be all about quantity and not so much quality. Have you ever thought what 72 virgins must look like? I'm thinking it looks a lot like The Giggly Room Gentlemen's Club at high noon on Tuesday's nickel beer and buffet night. All I can picture is limps and lazy eyes as far as the black lights allow you to see.<br />
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So back the matter at hand... See what I did there? We all do it at some point in our life. Most of us start pretty young and this is the beginning of our entire sex life. Even my daughter at the ripe age of 8 asked me why it tingles when she scratches it? Go ahead and show me where in the parenting handbook where it tells a Dad how to answer that question. Masturbation for most of us starts as a right of passage. Sort of like minor league baseball. Practice and game simulations till we are ready for the big leagues. The only problem here is that the game simulators are just not a real testament to what we as young virgins are about to see in the field. Porn that we find on the Internet is so misleading and there is absolutely nothing that will prepare you for the ultimate moment when you are presented with her ass in the air and a promise of good things to come and all you can see is a huge pimple that needs to be popped! Again there is no handbook that tells you what to do first here or how to proceed however I can tell you that whatever you do next will drastically alter the course of the rest of your existence. Proceed with caution my weary traveler! In my day all we had was reality to go on. Al Gore had yet to give us the internet and the best reference material we had was the Sears catalog. Now all kids have to do is go to Sears.com. Lucky little bastards. <br />
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Allow me to real it back in here. A possible solution for the church here is maybe something like a frequent strokers card. After the 7th stroke session the 8th one is a freebee. No repenting needed! So long as you're not hurting anyone or twisting one off on the subway on the morning commute I say no harm, no foul. There are so many other issues the church could be concerned with. Who cares if little Johnny 5 fingers is having a tug session with his one eyed bandit. My thought here is if the church allowed it we wouldn't have some of the sexual misconduct we have seen in the recent past. I say throw the entire congregation a curveball and next Sunday make the sermon all for the rub one out cause. I bet people go home with a goal in mind and actually listen to what the Padre has to say. Alright maybe that is a bit much. However we all do it, so I say be proud and do it up! Speak to any lady and they will tell you how to do it right. They romance themselves. A glass of wine, a bubble bath, candles and maybe even some music. Not like us guys where we do it in a cloud of shame. A dark room, headphones and a dirty rag. Fellas we have to up our game. Why wouldn't you do it? Because some mythical dude you never met says, do it and you won't be allowed in my eternity club? It relieves stress, headaches and gives you a healthy glow! The only other person to tell me not to was my college roommate. He only told me I shouldn't do it so much or else I would go blind. To which my answer was, "hey I'm over here!!" <br />
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So what does the Church want us to use as an alternative? Unprotected sex or complete abstinence... uhhh is there a 3rd choice? Far too many have tried and failed the hope rhythm and prayer method. I'm already a shitty gambler. Do we really want a bunch of mixed bag mutts with my sense of style and lack of intellect, not to mention. smart ass mentality roaming this earth and draining the Social Security fund? Thank goodness the 3 I have already have took on most of their Mothers traits. Every time I look at my kids standardized test scores, I start asking fidelity questions of when we were married! I love those kids with all my heart and I have raised them pretty well, but really look at me and I don't wish that on many. Abstinence might have been a valid argument before the invention of the razor blade. I can only imagine that prior to the Bic that whole area must have just looked like a hungry Sasquatch. Now the vagina is a pretty little garden. That is a whole other post for another day. <br />
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My point here is the striking down of the five knuckle shuffle is an antiquated ideology. The people that don't do it or even wont admit to it are the same people that tell you they have never been to a McDonalds, shopped at a Walmart or don't own a TV. They are not to be trusted! We should add them to the same category as Al Qaeda. Take them all out of their homes, perform a very heavy handed strip search, Test them for illegal substances and check for weapons of mass destruction. If nothing is found send their ass to Syria or somewhere of the like because they are of no use to the furthering of our society here in America. Side note: I expect the Trump Presidential committee to come knocking any day now. <br />
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Let's put a pretty bow on this and bring it all home. Masturbation is a wonderful! I say do it proud and do it loud. Scream your own name. I say do it while you can because when you're old and gray and ready to meet your maker at least you will go feeling a little sleepy, happy and knowing you used up all the rounds left in your chamber. Now you can start working on a few of those virgins... <br />
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<span style="color: yellow; font-size: x-large;"><strong><em>Cheers!</em></strong></span> </div>
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Good Times Charleyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07096645499497577447noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3336173229528452668.post-16756704859767111142015-11-21T19:00:00.001-05:002015-11-21T19:56:00.622-05:00Father of the Year<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<span style="color: orange; font-size: x-large;"><strong>M</strong></span>any of you already know I am a father to 3 great kids. No, I'm not going to be one of those Dads that completely over-sell it and say "my kids are amazing" as though everything they do is a miracle. Your baby has gas that is not them laughing and understanding grown up humor at the ripe age of 3 months! However I love my kids equally with all my heart. I never realized how full life could be till I had them. I love every moment of being around them. But let's face it sometimes kids do stupid shit and as a parent I think it is our duty to point it out instead of kissing the boo-boo you have to first point and laugh a bit. It keeps them humble. <br />
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I commonly tell the story about my 9 year old son Kalvyn and his extremely high test scores. That when I first saw his test scores I thought right away how all the other Dads out there can "suck it" because my kid will be getting a full ride to Yale or Harvard some day with scores like those and seeing as he is very big for his age! I figured any day now the Ivy league schools will be knocking on my door to have my kid join their football or basketball team! I mean my ex-wife's family is littered with Doctors and other college degrees from reputable schools as far as the eye can see. That's my boy! Only to watch that same boy only moments later dancing around the kitchen to Taylor Swift, farting so hard he lost consciousness for a moment then walk into the wall stubbing his baby toe and then tripping over the dog. Never mind it looks like I will be getting student loans for community college after-all. Why did he have to get any of my genes?! <br />
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Back to what I was originally saying. I have great kids. I feel that they have great manors, they know right from wrong and I genuinely trust them to make solid choices. They are honest, compassionate, funny in their own ways and extremely kind. I am VERY proud to be the father to Zolyia (15), Madelyne (14) and Kalvyn (9). I aspired to be the type of father to my kids as my father was to me. I make no bones about the fact that I am fortunate to have one outstanding role model when it comes to fathers. I feel to this point so far I have done a fine job raising my kids. As a father that is all you can really ask for as they grow up. <br />
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So a couple of months ago my oldest daughter asked me to take her to a comedy show. The comedian was Bo Burnham. Madelyne asked if she could come along too. My thought is that it would be a lot of fun to spend some time just me and the ladies. So I bought tickets for the 3 of us. Kal is a bit to young to understand that comedy and I didn't think it would be appropriate and he even agreed. For those of you that are unfamiliar with his work I will add a clip of his work here. He is a very articulate comedian and satirical singer/ song writer. I knew he used a bad word now and again but both of my daughters are now in high school and so I am pretty certain they where going to be OK and could handle it just fine. <br />
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The night started off with a quick dinner and then off to Portland for the show. We were all pretty excited when we drove past Bo's tour bus and saw him walking into the theater. My daughters where excited to see this comedian they not only enjoyed for his body of work but also thought was very cute. I was happy to be able to give them this night out they so deserved and have this time with them and treat them like the young ladies they are now. Besides I'm not one of those uptight fathers in a turtle-neck sweater. I'm a cool Dad. I'm wearing up to date jeans and nothing with an elastic waist band and a baggy Michael Jordan t-shirt, I am "Dad cool." I want to be the kind of Dad my kids are proud to brag about and tell their friends how cool their father is. So if that means my girls want to go to a Bo Burnham show then by-golly we are going to that show!<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiVUi8QA8-AI8aknPfP3zdjNHQsOxObZ8_EhSNO3BIIARSLZeQxQnlR_IWRBeZkzKv4SqQpU9dbbk1NQsaV7myPQIGc4h3BixBHf23ONzdwHTBEq-x7c7-E2okQKWkiCd5CbOh7J-098isT/s1600/20151116_194215.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="112" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiVUi8QA8-AI8aknPfP3zdjNHQsOxObZ8_EhSNO3BIIARSLZeQxQnlR_IWRBeZkzKv4SqQpU9dbbk1NQsaV7myPQIGc4h3BixBHf23ONzdwHTBEq-x7c7-E2okQKWkiCd5CbOh7J-098isT/s200/20151116_194215.jpg" width="200" /></a><br />
I should have done a little more homework and maybe watched a YouTube video or two of Bo. I have heard him a couple of times on XM Radio but never paid too much attention. I just thought he was funny. I should have known something was up when Madelyne asked me the night before at the dinner table if I really listened to his act. When I said "no" she started to giggle and just said "ok!" I should have seen the red flag when we got into the venue and the first thing I saw was a guy selling little bottles of Jagermeister shots and Red Bull to make Jagger-Bombs in the lobby. Using hindsight I should have thought twice when I looked around inside and the crowd was 90% college students double fisting Bud Lights. And I really should have rethought my decision when I sat between my proper and innocent young ladies and they said "Remember Dad we are in high school and we have been through health class..." The look in Madelyne's eyes alone told me that what was to come was at times going to be equally in comfort as a colonoscopy without anesthesia. But really what's few curse words going to hurt? Like I said they are in high school and I know they have heard them all already. It's show time and the lights turn down. The warm up act is up first. This is when Madelyne turns to me and says with a smile, "remember Dad, health class." <br />
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Now I have been there with these two little cherubs since conception. I remember bringing both of them home from the hospital and driving 3 miles per hour in a 40mph zone and thinking how everyone was driving WAY too fast and being far to reckless around my newborn daughter. I remember many weekend days napping with Zolyia sleeping soundly on my chest after finishing a full bottle. I remember Maddy's first tooth. Every Easter I hid eggs all over the yard, brought them door to door every Halloween and carried them most of the way home when their little legs got tired or their feet hurt. I taught them both how to ride a bike, throw a ball and was the coach on their basketball team. I have been to countless school concerts all the way from pre-school up to the current time and haven't missed a one, just to get choked up as I sat their thinking how quickly they where growing up. I marvel at how unique all of my kids are and how special in their own way they are as well. I am not just a guy that has kids and sees them once a month only to take pictures with them so I can post them on Facebook and all my friends can comment on how great a father I am. No, I am involved in their lives. The highs and the lows. I have been there every step of the way. I am proud to say I am a real Father to my children and I have watched these two girls grow into the young ladies I have today. However as a Dad it's only natural to always see your girls as the innocent small girls that I could carry effortlessly in one arm up 3 flights of stairs while carrying all the groceries in the other. It has been my job as the man of the house to protect that innocence for the past 15 years and somehow thwart any attempt take that away from them. They looked to Mom to be the loving caring nurturer and to me to be the pillar of security. <br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEge6HESE8r5pgdIifw07rTqIWsqlAstTKum6xU2AwZH_bgTOtTMcmMEnUC_0DfzAC85X2s7vBcYIl3GSuhoU2fEy4kG9W_TQ8bCBf1bHPdrYh8NAd40zKfG91RzGHM-8P1ZQyzeGA_jdGkY/s1600/IMG00163-20090928-2220.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="150" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEge6HESE8r5pgdIifw07rTqIWsqlAstTKum6xU2AwZH_bgTOtTMcmMEnUC_0DfzAC85X2s7vBcYIl3GSuhoU2fEy4kG9W_TQ8bCBf1bHPdrYh8NAd40zKfG91RzGHM-8P1ZQyzeGA_jdGkY/s200/IMG00163-20090928-2220.jpg" width="200" /></a>Now keep in mind none of this is the fault of the comedians that took the stage. I am not one of those parents looking for someone else to blame. This falls squarely on my shoulders. There have been times when I have even joked about being "parent of the year" when I have allowed my kids to stay up too late on a school night or given them candy before bed or even dropped the F-bomb by accident in front of my kids. That all paled in comparison to what was afoot. The comedian started his 20 minute set by talking about a B movie on Netflix about a werewolf that transforms and they show this in great detail and many angles as his transformation starts from his male genitalia. He moved into a bit about when he wears new sweatpants without underwear he gets fuzzies in his pee-hole. Then when he asked a female friend about it how she said that when she wears some clothes she has to "scoop fuzzies out of her "stink-ditch" (vagina.)" He used the term "stink ditch" for something I taught the girls to call a "Hoo-Ha" for as long as they realized they had one! Finally closing his time on stage with how if someone is choking we should no longer do the Heimlich maneuver but instead stick fingers up their ass because that is a lot more jarring and incentive to dislodge whatever it is in their throat in order to get the fingers out of their asshole faster! My daughters not only laughed at all the jokes but they understood it all too!!! <br />
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjDutKANx7RxyW6KichlRgmZ16GMoNPuyvRdrUgKmp2K2bter14UhhlfVzLp-fG_HPoqeOGCEH2sLsj72hV652fx7sezKrtPYzVANhO-au3hMCRKpKfuq8TtD8K7S37ZoKm8O7aYEU5Flmr/s1600/kids+june09.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjDutKANx7RxyW6KichlRgmZ16GMoNPuyvRdrUgKmp2K2bter14UhhlfVzLp-fG_HPoqeOGCEH2sLsj72hV652fx7sezKrtPYzVANhO-au3hMCRKpKfuq8TtD8K7S37ZoKm8O7aYEU5Flmr/s200/kids+june09.jpg" width="150" /></a><br />
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Now it was time for the headliner of the evening Bo Burnham. The debauchery persisted and even got worse. At one point he sang about how if you are single you should lower your standards and get oral sex on a regular basis or something like that. My Zoey, my little "Zo-Zo Bug" who use to sit in her car seat singing "Bah Bah Black Sheep" and how the "Wheels on the bus go round and round" was now singing right along with Bo! I felt like I should have home schooled my kids and as soon as we wake up tomorrow I am going to start looking into organized religion and a good Bible study camp to send them to during the summer. She knew every word! I watched my 15 year old daughter sing the word "cock!" She has a chorus concert coming up and I'm hoping she doesn't get confused! <br />
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What kind of Father am I? I'm starting to think child services will be at my door when I get home or at the very least NBC and Chris Hansen will waiting for me. What have I done? Don't laugh at that, it's dirty! Very very dirty!!! <br />
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The show ends and I now must crawl out from under my balcony chair. What sort of irreparable damage have I done to these children's delicate innocence. How will I explain this all to them in the car on the ride home? Are they going to just lose all the manors we worked so hard to instill in them as parents and exclaim "could someone pass the fucking potatoes?" at Thanksgiving dinner in front of family and friends?! I am a horrible father! Bad Dad! Bad! Bad! Bad! <br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhvoqmsCREMqQAs_zaUBahddfmcNwOHMo1Xo1eTJEI9CpVDet6wR5oxz7WF-MstdhYEi7fwHamtWCBW0RgSdpw7vzIcXC8gddofrEPnB8Uq88IX5YAkxE0006ipqkPPwbem5lpNht6h0F2-/s1600/IMG00108-20090810-1728.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhvoqmsCREMqQAs_zaUBahddfmcNwOHMo1Xo1eTJEI9CpVDet6wR5oxz7WF-MstdhYEi7fwHamtWCBW0RgSdpw7vzIcXC8gddofrEPnB8Uq88IX5YAkxE0006ipqkPPwbem5lpNht6h0F2-/s320/IMG00108-20090810-1728.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
Along the ride home we talked about the show and they thanked me for bringing them. They both had a fun time. My sweet little Madelyne had a headache and I thought how could she not after processing all that filth! The one I called "Peanut" or "Maddy Doodles" after a silly song that was made up about her mornings riding in her car seat to day care when she was just a baby. She probably had a headache from having her brain raped and I did nothing to stop the carnage. I wanted to apologize to them for it all but by now I was thinking "eh the damage has been done." I looked in the back seat and saw her fast asleep and I was instantly reminded of the delicate little girl that use to fit with her head in the palm of my hand and her feet barely reaching my elbow as I fed her a bottle. As she slept and Zoey still smiling and laughing about how she can't wait to tell everyone the next day in school about how cool her Dad was to bring her to the show and how funny it was. I couldn't help but think how beautiful and innocent they both where and maybe I can knock them both over the head in their sleep "by accident" and make them return to that time before health class. But also how lucky I am to be their Father. <br />
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We got home and I kissed them both goodnight as I tucked them into bed. Father of the year! Not so much, but I am still a pretty good Dad. I have a mug to prove it!<br />
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<strong><em><span style="color: yellow; font-size: x-large;">Cheers!</span></em></strong><br />
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Good Times Charleyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07096645499497577447noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3336173229528452668.post-10264063528906410442015-11-09T20:22:00.003-05:002015-11-21T19:27:51.020-05:00Thoughts from the Road<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg881ClBi7wOKVpkQ8LXLvCUHU1siQePX9OR_JIkyqfpHTiwyaPMjMLGOFF7mWWKuz86pyocmJpzV-c3B7AW-lf4_CAnFQciguAjzZf1iXeKO3_mnA0kY3XMFMACfFDl4BFyT046Rpeltcs/s1600/Town-Motto-Houlton.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg881ClBi7wOKVpkQ8LXLvCUHU1siQePX9OR_JIkyqfpHTiwyaPMjMLGOFF7mWWKuz86pyocmJpzV-c3B7AW-lf4_CAnFQciguAjzZf1iXeKO3_mnA0kY3XMFMACfFDl4BFyT046Rpeltcs/s320/Town-Motto-Houlton.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><strong><span style="color: purple; font-size: x-large;">F</span></strong>or the past few weeks I have been on a special assignment in Houlton, Maine. Before you ask I will tell you a bit about the "county seat" of Aroostook County. Houlton as of 2010 had a population of slightly over 6,000. The town sits a mile from the New Brunswick, Canadian border and being the county seat it's nickname is thus "Shire Town." The Houlton High School mascot is "The Shiretowners"... Yup, you can't make this kind of shit up. But wait there's more! How about some history? Also keep in mind that most of the pictures here are actual pictures I took during my time in this quaint little town. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Some time after the American Revolution pioneer Joseph Houlton had moved to Maine from far heavier populated part of Massachusetts and formed a village of his own around 1807. In 1820 Maine separated from Massachusetts to become an independent state. In 1828 a military post named Hancock Barracks was established. When the Aroostook War otherwise known as the "Pork and Beans War" flared between the US and British over the placement of the New Brunswick, Canadian border, the Hancock Barracks was a focal point. Other notable facts about beloved Houlton:</span><br />
<em><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">- The home to first transatlantic radio intelligence station placed in town by the Army during World War 1.</span></em><br />
<em><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">- AT&T <span style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0); background-color: white; color: #252525; font-family: "helvetica neue" , "helvetica" , "nimbus sans l" , "arial" , "liberation sans" , sans-serif; font-size: 16px;">initiated the first transatlantic commercial telephone service linking New York to London. The </span><span style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0); background-color: white; color: #252525; font-family: "helvetica neue" , "helvetica" , "nimbus sans l" , "arial" , "liberation sans" , sans-serif; font-size: 16px;">Transoceanic Receiver Station</span><span style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0); background-color: white; color: #252525; font-family: "helvetica neue" , "helvetica" , "nimbus sans l" , "arial" , "liberation sans" , sans-serif; font-size: 16px;"> and massive antenna so large it straddled what is now Interstate 95 where both just outside of the center of town. </span></span></em><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><em><span style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0); background-color: white; color: #252525; font-family: "helvetica neue" , "helvetica" , "nimbus sans l" , "arial" , "liberation sans" , sans-serif; font-size: 16px;">- 1941 the Army established the Houlton Army Air Base that sits immediately adjacent to the Canadian border. Not so much in case those crazy Canucks got any funny ideas eh... However </span><span style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0); background-color: white; color: #252525; font-family: "helvetica neue" , "helvetica" , "nimbus sans l" , "arial" , "liberation sans" , sans-serif; font-size: 16px;">They could not fly the planes directly into Canada, a member of the United Kingdom</span></em><span style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0); background-color: white; color: #252525; font-family: "helvetica neue" , "helvetica" , "nimbus sans l" , "arial" , "liberation sans" , sans-serif; font-size: 16px;"><em> because that would violate the official United States position of neutrality. Local farmers used their tractors to tow the planes into Canada, where the Canadians closed the Woodstock highway so that aircraft could use it as a runway.</em> </span></span><br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhD-h5RGWc1dzDRFk-rwUopOXtvVEp2TY1AVpUHj0JZ3BB7UHdvOkU5fBtCM03m79cJ_NPs_dauWtUC6N5aML3ivL3q5eSsQXKHf-fCFHP7w-Ku3IJhuFUiJFVwEOztu_Nk7eUA6A8JEZ1Z/s1600/20151014_140130.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="180" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhD-h5RGWc1dzDRFk-rwUopOXtvVEp2TY1AVpUHj0JZ3BB7UHdvOkU5fBtCM03m79cJ_NPs_dauWtUC6N5aML3ivL3q5eSsQXKHf-fCFHP7w-Ku3IJhuFUiJFVwEOztu_Nk7eUA6A8JEZ1Z/s320/20151014_140130.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">This was going on outside the gym on Main St. </td></tr>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0); background-color: white; color: #252525; font-family: "helvetica neue" , "helvetica" , "nimbus sans l" , "arial" , "liberation sans" , sans-serif; font-size: 16px;">Ok enough with the history lessons already! Houlton as the rest of Aroostook County otherwise referred to as "The county" by natives is best known as the last truck stop before Canada and home to thousands of miles of potato fields. All this means is there ain't shit to do in Houlton, Maine. And just in case you are ready to say something silly like "the people must be lovely in such a small town." The answer is no. </span></span><br />
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<span style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0); background-color: white; color: #252525; font-family: "helvetica neue" , "helvetica" , "nimbus sans l" , "arial" , "liberation sans" , sans-serif; font-size: 16px;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">
<span style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0); background-color: white; color: #252525; font-family: "helvetica neue" , "helvetica" , "nimbus sans l" , "arial" , "liberation sans" , sans-serif; font-size: 16px;">Now before I get too far off topic. The trip from Sanford, Maine to Houlton is a non-stop 5 hour drive once past Portland about 30 minutes in then it is filled with nothing more than trees. Miles and miles of trees. So a guy like me has lots of time to ponder life and let my brain run wild and free. So here we go with another brain dump! This is where I dump out all the silly thoughts that have entered my mind. There is no rhyme or reason to them, nor order. Enjoy!</span></span><br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjfJ58TfFV0OXD0-YBOjohx2JwmMAio0obpQVuSgwvPdKueEDa3aQZfOfYjmgzFPI9SwLpicv6DVqv8j1_qxyam7Lb9O0r1Ng_NgE7I6V5T33kj9ktkuRuOakWN6GNuY_zuSHWvtku3IZmE/s1600/20151014_140254.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="180" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjfJ58TfFV0OXD0-YBOjohx2JwmMAio0obpQVuSgwvPdKueEDa3aQZfOfYjmgzFPI9SwLpicv6DVqv8j1_qxyam7Lb9O0r1Ng_NgE7I6V5T33kj9ktkuRuOakWN6GNuY_zuSHWvtku3IZmE/s320/20151014_140254.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">No clue what this guy is doing. </td></tr>
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<span style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0); background-color: white; color: #252525; font-family: "helvetica neue" , "helvetica" , "nimbus sans l" , "arial" , "liberation sans" , sans-serif; font-size: 16px;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">
<span style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0); background-color: white; color: #252525; font-family: "helvetica neue" , "helvetica" , "nimbus sans l" , "arial" , "liberation sans" , sans-serif; font-size: 16px;">+ I never had a family crest that I know of. However if I did I would imagine it would be something like 4 lions watching TV with a banner across the top that says in Latin "Hey, while your up can you get me a drink?"</span></span><br />
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<span style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0); background-color: white; color: #252525; font-family: "helvetica neue" , "helvetica" , "nimbus sans l" , "arial" , "liberation sans" , sans-serif; font-size: 16px;"></span><br />
<span style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0); background-color: white; color: #252525; font-family: "helvetica neue" , "helvetica" , "nimbus sans l" , "arial" , "liberation sans" , sans-serif; font-size: 16px;"></span><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">
<span style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0); background-color: white; color: #252525; font-family: "helvetica neue" , "helvetica" , "nimbus sans l" , "arial" , "liberation sans" , sans-serif; font-size: 16px;">+ If you are the type of person to sign the cross and pray before breakfast lunch and dinner then I think you should do it for snacks too. Why ask God to bless meat and potatoes and not cheese and crackers? If you are going to be religious be 100%. No half stepping when it comes to the lord I say. </span></span><br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjxyMVumYpET2HXQE8KUEd1soGymaqVDRsJHPpiY85-fn1W2oVOJ09OxjCeuL4SVgObkZpdMUUiYwLEjcxdAq2OnOwm743GqJtw79lrf_Vmbrvz5rzf4SpXvHbiYIu_EpfheIkV5x8n5_7n/s1600/20151014_140438.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="180" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjxyMVumYpET2HXQE8KUEd1soGymaqVDRsJHPpiY85-fn1W2oVOJ09OxjCeuL4SVgObkZpdMUUiYwLEjcxdAq2OnOwm743GqJtw79lrf_Vmbrvz5rzf4SpXvHbiYIu_EpfheIkV5x8n5_7n/s320/20151014_140438.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Still no clue. </td></tr>
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<span style="color: #252525; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">+ Ladies if you are going to wear a crucifix around your neck don't let it nestle right between your boobs. That's just like asking me to make a quick choice between good and evil and I can tell you right now that the Devil wins that game of chicken every time. I may say "Thank you Jesus!" for a great set of tits but that really is as far as that goes. </span><br />
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<span style="color: #252525; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">+ Fathers day here in Houlton is a very confusing day. Of this I am certain. The type of place you see bumper stickers that read "I'm the proud father of a nephew." </span><br />
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<span style="color: #252525; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">+ Having a vagina seems a lot like owning an old jalopy. Lots of maintenance and then once a month your going to have to shove an oil pan under it. </span><br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEin1ztxEm7kKm7hJedgqqYzk2uxmGDqYrBXtFmHakKwojz4RaLTHr-55b-fHvfPhc8JImitwHnAxnGaSXvFdKv-2nGnNiWZValvwE2vQdP5I_gMN19YOYef_LL1JmSxLD6HWAU7PdG-KwgE/s1600/20151014_142400.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="180" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEin1ztxEm7kKm7hJedgqqYzk2uxmGDqYrBXtFmHakKwojz4RaLTHr-55b-fHvfPhc8JImitwHnAxnGaSXvFdKv-2nGnNiWZValvwE2vQdP5I_gMN19YOYef_LL1JmSxLD6HWAU7PdG-KwgE/s320/20151014_142400.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">I think this should be on the side of a van. </td></tr>
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<span style="color: #252525; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">+ Every time a man finishes on a woman instead of in her it is his way of saying "Those babies are not for you, they are for some one else. Now go get a towel." </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="color: #252525; font-family: "helvetica";">+ </span> In relationships especially early on you tend to say all those sweet things to your significant other. Just the other day I told her "you're like a drug to me." (deep right?) She responded by asking "why is it because you're addicted to me?" I realize now I just should have said "Yup!" instead I said "No, because you're expensive and you make my balls shrink." I now realize that was the wrong answer. </span><br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiBTUpoCmev9wNNOsy_9Ewcp-nnOdG00duzQR-czXzsRInkP6WlRweFnK0zxnMOP4zl1YcVD-dxN2w77SzPS04t6f49D3xg-6RXW3FiX9CxmaLlptX2cnl9GGfXZ_kf4K4rJanqg5pFhm9P/s1600/20151014_141323.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiBTUpoCmev9wNNOsy_9Ewcp-nnOdG00duzQR-czXzsRInkP6WlRweFnK0zxnMOP4zl1YcVD-dxN2w77SzPS04t6f49D3xg-6RXW3FiX9CxmaLlptX2cnl9GGfXZ_kf4K4rJanqg5pFhm9P/s320/20151014_141323.jpg" width="180" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">This was selling for $500</td></tr>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">+ Why don't sheep shrink in the rain?</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">+ A fun social experiment to figure out who your real friends of the opposite sex are is to go on social media and change your relationship status to "in a relationship." </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">+ If you are a woman with a great figure but a face like a horse in the derby you are NOT nor will you ever be a model. If a guy asks you to model for him rest assure the focus will be taken away from your face and you will at some point be completely naked. Here's some advice however, grab a Twinkie and get real good at math because life is about to get hard. Being an ugly woman I think is a lot like being a dude. You're going to have to work for it. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">+ Fun little thing to do in a bar and you see a group of women... Approach them as though you are a judge in a dog show. Point at them and say "you're 3rd, you're 2nd and you're 1st!" If you see a real hot one grab her by the crotch and the throat while calling out "Best in Show!" They love that. Women are so competitive. </span><br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiukFjs20zIIsTJbx94BqlHOjFH254zQZmyW3tW2Ip0ommhGA4r8IaifqcmSODPi8E-ra1snEpG0T8usl6OY6_QHuNz2ND0S9V_BZ9VMV81B2noP4DZKdpWOJS1R5GVc22UDToy2fvg1966/s1600/20151030_172704.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiukFjs20zIIsTJbx94BqlHOjFH254zQZmyW3tW2Ip0ommhGA4r8IaifqcmSODPi8E-ra1snEpG0T8usl6OY6_QHuNz2ND0S9V_BZ9VMV81B2noP4DZKdpWOJS1R5GVc22UDToy2fvg1966/s320/20151030_172704.jpg" width="180" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Dude, I'm driving!</td></tr>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">+ I remember a few years back I played in a Christian softball league. We basically played and got drunk. Although some of us drank before the game too. I remember playing shortstop and yelling at the base runners, "Hey! Thou shall not steal!" After the first time they didn't think it was funny at all.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">+ Those crazy Catholics say that using contraception is a sin. I have cousins and other relatives that shoot babies out of their cooter like a t-shirt cannon now. Whenever they tell people how many kids they have they usually follow it up by saying "yeah, we are Catholic." Someone should really teach them how to masturbate. My towel has never gotten pregnant. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">+ Speaking of masturbation. The Catholic church also says that is a sin as well. Needless to say I am no longer associated with the Catholic church. If you are a Catholic and you have been doing the 5 knuckle shuffle, they say you must repent at once! Don't get me wrong I will apologize all damn day, but I am pretty sure I going to do it again. If the church would have maybe broken me off a frequent sinners card, like after the 7th repentance the 8th one is free I might still be part of that cult. </span><br />
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<span style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0); background-color: white; color: #252525; font-family: "helvetica neue" , "helvetica" , "nimbus sans l" , "arial" , "liberation sans" , sans-serif; font-size: 16px;"><span style="color: yellow; font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: x-large;"><em>Cheers!</em></span></span>
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Good Times Charleyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07096645499497577447noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3336173229528452668.post-66798537066542264302015-09-17T03:47:00.003-04:002015-09-17T03:47:58.201-04:00If Bartenders Were Honest - BuzzFeed<iframe allowfullscreen="true" allowtransparency="true" frameborder="0" height="360" mozallowfullscreen="true" scrolling="no" src="https://screen.yahoo.com/bartenders-were-honest-162923724.html?format=embed" webkitallowfullscreen="true" width="640"></iframe><br />Good Times Charleyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07096645499497577447noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3336173229528452668.post-60129945907557118332015-09-17T03:32:00.002-04:002015-09-17T03:42:30.803-04:00Man Tips<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhzsD-6JcK6v3ul9AY5rpAk7SNBYGjx2AMKos7_AMfWgr4p0do8eN9iRHUnVxkFpeZ67bHuu0Gc0WQaSuPJUTA9K7ic4JDfJa751ox7j7KtAUaROvBw63uWkgN_ZA5UVlAlGLGlCe3mpZFh/s1600/ape-man-evolution.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="300" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhzsD-6JcK6v3ul9AY5rpAk7SNBYGjx2AMKos7_AMfWgr4p0do8eN9iRHUnVxkFpeZ67bHuu0Gc0WQaSuPJUTA9K7ic4JDfJa751ox7j7KtAUaROvBw63uWkgN_ZA5UVlAlGLGlCe3mpZFh/s400/ape-man-evolution.jpg" width="400" /></a></div>
<span style="color: lime; font-size: x-large;"><strong>I</strong></span>n my 41 years of life I have learned a good number of valuable lessons. Like always it is completely unnecessary to hi-5 anyone in a men's room. The last person to look at the bill on the table loses and after a chili cook off just sit down to pee for safety sake. other lessons I have learned after re-embarking on the single life. Those are the lessons I am going to share with you today. You see todays lessons boys is all about men's grooming and other good tips. These are tips for both the married and single men out there. For the married guys it will hopefully enhance what you already have and make it so your wife doesn't find you completely disgusting after 10+ years of wedded bliss. For you single guys let's face it there is a ton of competition out there and not much in the way of quality once you reach the ripe age of 35 the odds of finding a attractive and intelligent woman that has her proverbial shit together is less and less with every year that passes. <br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj2MnYQRZPILo6aU0aObSsC3Wt5RBYKgjvyY2szqjweZph0q0Q8XOpc1H-jdrlxrtwgjbq6zF8oB-nrKa7v7SN4_oEmsAEnmCIP1W7lw4TsuqjpgIyG-GJqTd_j6-elY6Wo_-Xx24tq02__/s1600/20150916_235301.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="225" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj2MnYQRZPILo6aU0aObSsC3Wt5RBYKgjvyY2szqjweZph0q0Q8XOpc1H-jdrlxrtwgjbq6zF8oB-nrKa7v7SN4_oEmsAEnmCIP1W7lw4TsuqjpgIyG-GJqTd_j6-elY6Wo_-Xx24tq02__/s400/20150916_235301.jpg" width="400" /></a></div>
My Pop is a manly guy. He grew up just outside Philadelphia, PA my Grandfather use to take the train with his lunch pale in and out of the city to work his 8 to 5 job working in a mailroom. When he got home he would sit in his recliner like Archie Bunker and drink his beer while he watched whatever game was on the TV that night. On the weekends his routine wasn't a whole lot different only replacing going to work with going to the market, back to the recliner and game... He was a blue collar guy and manly kind of guy and my Pop grew up learning from him as I grew up learning from my Pop. So certain things now as opposed to back then may be considered a little less than masculine. However gentlemen the times they are a changing and we must evolve. Put down those stereotypes and follow me here. You and your woman (woman to be) will be happy you did. <br />
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Now I am not going to sit here and tell you how to cut and style your hair or shave your beard. Mostly because I shave my head and face completely bald and my fashion sense isn't exactly up to GQ standards. I'm sorry, I don't care how out of style khaki cargo shorts are there is no way I will ever be caught dead in anything described as the color salmon (if you're going to wear pink just wear pink for Christ sake) and I am not going back to the Daisy Duke length shorts that men wore in the 80's. I would just prefer to go back to Jorts (Jean shorts) in that case. And guys that tie a sweater around their neck for a splash of color should also be made to tie their socks around their ankles. So all fashion aside... Well unless you're one of these guys that still wears the chinstrap beard and frosts your tips. In that case the Vanilla Ice look is out the door and you look like a douchebag. You're wrong and you know you're wrong. So just step away from this website and call it a day because there is no helping you anymore. In this article we are going to dive a bit deeper and unlike other articles of mine in the past this one is going to actually be helpful and less on the sarcastic side. Maybe. So get out your notebooks and pens because you may want to write some of this shit down. I'm dropping pearls of wisdom here people!<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi2k0t_rSAmbAE7DYkyj0H3lXIeAr8D2RbX9QH7boOK4wh27qiIvsyOs3JIuMTNro9aLk1BeQWFGDizHys4bAT4LS12hbKYmGrJJiszNgHAerHaZQx_S8UFcpeJxM_49TAQx04EMKal1t0-/s1600/20150916_235343+%25285%2529.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="225" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi2k0t_rSAmbAE7DYkyj0H3lXIeAr8D2RbX9QH7boOK4wh27qiIvsyOs3JIuMTNro9aLk1BeQWFGDizHys4bAT4LS12hbKYmGrJJiszNgHAerHaZQx_S8UFcpeJxM_49TAQx04EMKal1t0-/s400/20150916_235343+%25285%2529.jpg" width="400" /></a>Let's start with how you smell. It's true if you smell like a rhino's undercarriage no one will want to be near you. The same way if you smell like that weird kid in middle school that got body hair before anyone else and his first bottle of cheap cologne sitting at the back of the bus and even the driver needed to open his window to keep from tearing up from smelling you. The smell of a man is important. Personally I feel a man should have a few different scents to choose from. Women have lingerie to keep us on our toes. We need to be able to change things up a bit to keep them on theirs. <br />
Things to know before you go shopping about men's fragrances: <br />
<span style="color: black;">+ Whatever you wear shouldn't be to heavy and should have a clean finish. </span><br />
+ The difference between "parfum" and "eau de toilette": Parfum is oil based therefore will last longer whereas eau de toilette is water based and will fade quicker throughout the evening. <br />
+Don't bother buying gift sets they are far to much than what you need. Remember you are merely trying to smell nice not like a Persian man working the skin care kiosk. Nor do you want to look like the poster boy for Dolce & Gabbana.<br />
+ When applying a fragrance less is more. 3 shots max! One shot on your wrist and rub your wrists together then rub your wrists behind your ears. One on your bare chest and finally once you are wearing your shirt for the night one shot in front of you and simply walk through the falling mist to get a little on your cloths.<br />
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<span style="color: black; font-size: small;">I personally have a few favorites right now that I will share with you. However feel free to go to your nearest Macy's and smell a few yourself: </span><br />
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi8ZMHFUgyDzq_q1-w_9lj_moqT3m-4SI7Qce3xtVxuiRZkf6S1MUM66ENYzA6rHdGTaRiJcT1r9KEf8Dx-NIm6tIcCPmQlqCNEAN-9dsc_NvhkGeaVdjKAvzb4bYP-F0MBxmbjIb5VZ_r-/s1600/macysinstorephoto.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi8ZMHFUgyDzq_q1-w_9lj_moqT3m-4SI7Qce3xtVxuiRZkf6S1MUM66ENYzA6rHdGTaRiJcT1r9KEf8Dx-NIm6tIcCPmQlqCNEAN-9dsc_NvhkGeaVdjKAvzb4bYP-F0MBxmbjIb5VZ_r-/s320/macysinstorephoto.JPG" width="240" /></a><span style="color: red; font-size: large;"><em>Guilty by Gucci</em></span> - Close to the very popular Acqua di Gio by Giorgio Armani but I don't want to smell like all the other knuckleheads in the club. I want to stand out a little in the crowd. <br />
<span style="color: blue; font-size: large;"><em>Reveal by Calvin Klein </em><span style="color: black; font-size: small;"><em>- </em>A softer scent here with a little bit of sandalwood tossed in. If you are going for older women this is a great scent.</span></span><br />
<span style="color: red; font-size: large;"><em>Bleu by Channel </em><span style="color: black; font-size: small;">- A more bold scent however clean</span></span><br />
<span style="color: blue; font-size: large;"><em>L'Homme by Yves Saint Laurent </em><span style="color: black; font-size: small;">- A fruitier scent with undertones of citrus. </span></span><br />
<span style="color: red; font-size: large;"><em>Amen by Thierry Mugler</em></span> - This starts out a bit spicy but has a smooth vanilla finish. I figure if nothing else I will smell like a stripper and that has to be good for something. <br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><em><span style="color: red;">Chrome by Azzaro</span> </em></span><span style="font-size: small;">- If they where to bottle Irish Springs soap this might be what it smells like.</span><br />
<span style="color: blue; font-size: large;"><em>Legend by Montblanc </em><span style="color: black; font-size: small;">- If you are going to a place with younger women this is the scent. It has a clean finish and a sweet smell upfront. </span></span><br />
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Like I said feel free to go to your nearest Macy's and try a few out. But have at least 3 to choose from just to keep the woman in your life guessing. <br />
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Next is accessories. I am a watch guy myself. Something about a nice time piece to me completes a look. Even though if asked for the time and my cell phone is dead I am fucked. Sometimes a necklace, a ring or even a bracelet. Whatever your accessories of choice are the limit should be 3. You're not Johnny Depp. He's over 40 and wears slightly more novelty jewelry than the girl on welfare up the street with 80's hair. Here the idea is to keep it simple. Having lots of choices isn't a bad thing. However wearing them all at the same time is just ridiculous. 3 is the limit enough said. <br />
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Let's talk about underwear now. One of my best friends Dana likes to go Commando. This is where you simply wear nothing at all. Where they got the name commando from I have no idea because you know real commandos aren't walking through the rough terrain in search of the enemy with their twig and berries just swinging in the breeze. Picture the point man turning around after calling the battalion to a halt deep in the woods with the enemy just yards away using only hand signals as to not alert the enemy of their impending doom in the early morning hours. All the soldiers in their camouflage face paint crouched down behind trees and rocks, paying close attention to their leader as he points out where the enemy is and just as he is about to point out where they are going to attack from, he turns and looks at "Crazy Jimmy." We all know a guy like this too. The guy that does the stupid yet hilarious shit at the worst time. There he is with Hank and the twins hanging low, and whiter than the moon above. When asked what the hell he is doing he tells the fearless leader that this is his homage to the commandos that have gone before him. The leader concerned for his safety gives him some face paint and tells him he better at least put this on before he gets his and everyone else's pecker shot off. And that is how "Crazy Jimmy" meets his maker as a enemy marksman can only see the glare coming off Jimmy's mushroom head from a mile away. How did this trend ever catch on. There must be some level of chafing! I can't even begin to fathom sports without some type of support. I digress... Commando aside <br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Yup, this happened in the middle of Times Square!</td></tr>
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+ <strong><u>The Tighty Whitey Standard Brief:</u></strong> Unless you are between the age of 3 and 8 these are just unacceptable. The only reason they are acceptable between those ages is because they have cartoon characters and super heroes on them. Now this is what kids in my day grew up with. I remember seeing a couple of the Spanish guys on my basketball team when I was in grade school sporting red and blue ones and I thought that was weird but let's be honest the only thing this brief is good for is cutting off blood flow to the general region and having more skid marks than a get away car. Also they where good for tucking awkward errant boner into the industrial strength waste band. If you take off your pants with these pee stained beauties you run the risk of getting laughed out of the room. <br />
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+ <strong><u>Boxers:</u></strong> These have their place. I mean if your over the age of 75 feel free to rock these. Not only are they like a fine hotel with plenty of ballroom but they also give you the added opportunity for your dick to just flop out of the front peep hole throughout the day. A great accessory to these is black dress socks pulled all the way up. <br />
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+ <strong><u>The Boxer Brief</u></strong>: This is my choice and I would implore all of you to try these out. These embody the best of both worlds. Now I will say that I prefer a micro-mesh fabric that breathes. Cotton doesn't breathe quite as nice, especially if you are riding in a car with heated seats and then you're left with swamp ass. A boxer brief gives you all the support of a brief without cutting off the oxygen supply to old Mr. Winkey. <br />
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While we are on the nether region time to talk about <span style="color: orange; font-size: large;">"<em>Man-scaping</em>."</span> Back in the 70's and 80's it was cool to have a big beaver pelt on your chest. Men use to fluff it up and unbutton their shirts to show off their chest hair. Then they would take off their pants and it looked like they had Abe Lincoln in a leg lock. As time goes on men just get hairier. Hair starts growing out of our nose and ears. Then the eyebrows come to the party and before long you have gone from looking like Neil Diamond to Rip Van Winkle. Gay guys everywhere caught on that this was just not flattering. There is a lot we can take from the gays. Straight guys pay attention to what they are doing. I am just saying if another gay guy won't go rummaging through the forest to play with the tree why would a woman want to do it? <br />
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It's time to get out the clippers and trim the hedges. Nothing fancy here. No need to create award winning topiaries. Just cut it down a bit. If you have chest hair just trim it to the point where it is under control. Warning here, if you go too short you will have itchy stubble. Just trim to the point where it is still soft and you don't look Chewbacca. If you have a hairy back you need to get electrolysis and eliminate that problem. Going lower even the smallest Johnson can look more like a thunder-stick if the backdrop is smaller than what is in the foreground. Feel free to even use a razor around some parts here. The last thing you want is for your lady to be giving you a oral delight and come up coughing like she has a popcorn kernel in the back of her throat. Help her out and clear the table for her a bit.<br />
Also the older you get the lower your boys can hang. Every so often a little mango body butter on the boys will give you some nice taught balls. Don't come at your young trophy girlfriend with Tom Brady "Deflate-gate" old man wrinkly balls. Get that body butter and work it in like oil in an old catchers mitt. Now you have yourself some nice young looking, mango scented twins coming her way.<br />
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Finally we head all the way south to the feet and Pedicures. I had no idea just how amazing these where till a former girlfriend brought me to get one. I figured I would humor her and spend some time with her in the process. What resulted was a totally eye opening experience. I have been hooked ever since. Guys that have great wives and girlfriends will tell you, if she ever asks if you want a foot rub you ALWAYS say yes! Who doesn't love a good foot massage on their barking dogs Never mind the fact that she doesn't mind going near them. Now take that experience and multiply it by 5 when you add hot stones, paraffin wax, a foot bath with salts and a giant massage chair. I'm not talking about painting them pretty colors but there is nothing wrong with buffing your wheels. Guys, the days of having thick yellow toe nails that look like they where cut down by kitchen scissors should be a thing of the past. Think of the money you will save on socks and Band-Aids from cutting the back of your loved ones legs in the night while you sleep with your Velociraptor talons. Trust me for $40 let a little Asian woman play with your toes for a hour and you will be thanking me that you got turned on to this. Now here are a few tips for when you go to get a Pedi. <br />
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1) Make sure it's a place with a bunch of Asian ladies. From my experience Asian women get in there and get the job done! A high end solon with a bunch of uppity white women will charge you double and do the work like a disinterested house wife gives a blow job doing you a favor. <br />
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2) Get the hot stones! Ask the place before you go if they do a hot stone massage on your calves. <br />
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3) Download Google translator for whatever language they speak at the shop. Mine is Vietnamese. You want to be able to tell them to rub you harder or softer. You want to get your money's worth here. <br />
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4) Don't go to a place in a mall. These girls are seeing hundreds of people a week and especially at the end of the week or day they are tired. Malls tend to have more traffic and overhead to the business. So they pass that expense on to you. Places just outside the mall area especially strip malls tend to be a bit more reasonable and care more about building repeat business so they work a bit harder for it. <br />
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5) Once you find one you like tip them well and ask for them by name. <br />
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Alright it's late and I'm all out of tips for tonight. Go to get your beauty sleep you probably need it!<br />
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<strong><em><span style="color: yellow; font-size: x-large;">Cheers!</span></em></strong> </div>
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<br />Good Times Charleyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07096645499497577447noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3336173229528452668.post-34211357968591727212015-08-28T13:27:00.002-04:002015-09-17T03:33:57.896-04:00Traveling<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<span style="color: cyan; font-size: x-large;"><strong>U</strong></span>nless you are traveling with friends and family, the actual act of getting to your destination is a lonely venture. If you are doing it with friends and family then it's more of a pain in the ass. Take it from a guy with 3 kids. Guaranteed when on a long trip one of your beautiful cherubs will inevitably ask you less than an hour into the trip "are we there yet?" All batteries on portable electronics will be near death at the same time and every 20 minutes someone will have to pee or dying of thirst. This particular trip however I was traveling alone. I was headed to North Carolina to see one of my best friends and brother from another mother, Shawn and his lovely wife Britney.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEigD5IonbwwsLtQ-hx3ARRMkUtv7M5YuxS9i5hK5x9roYL6_y0CRkm3NcZodT19FS8Z88icQe-ehpo6lkUzoDSuzh-GD_8IF2CTaw93avB-k6mTc-tuxwbjosTCLOZikr0NRwuGcmzjXhG7/s1600/attend.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEigD5IonbwwsLtQ-hx3ARRMkUtv7M5YuxS9i5hK5x9roYL6_y0CRkm3NcZodT19FS8Z88icQe-ehpo6lkUzoDSuzh-GD_8IF2CTaw93avB-k6mTc-tuxwbjosTCLOZikr0NRwuGcmzjXhG7/s200/attend.jpg" width="148" /></a>I am sitting in Baltimore, Maryland on a 3 hour layover. The aforementioned loneliness has turned to observations. Look around the next time you are in an airport. Now look closer at the people traveling alone. Watch as they do their best to create their own little world made of cell phones, laptop computers and neck pillows. Their carry-on bags act as foot rests, back supports and portable desks. Also around any wall outlet you are sure to find someone's mobile office. I don't know what it is however </div>
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I started off this trip with a hour and a half drive after being up till 3 working behind the bar then the minute I got into bed for a whopping 4 hours of sleep seeing as I still needed to be up early to pack. Of course I hadn't packed a stitch yet I had plenty of time, right? At approximately 3:15 in the morning my phone lights up with a text from my middle daughter asking me to come get her from a sleep over. She is tired, scared and doesn't want to be there anymore. God, if you are testing me I think you should remember I am only a C student at best and never did test well...<br />
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I subsequently missed my original flight of 8:45am due to thinking it wasn't till 11:30am. The people at the Southwest counter after having a good chuckle at my expense and the "Ticket Bitch" making the comment "you didn't know what time your flight was? That was dumb." It stung a little but she was right. They where eventually able to get me on another flight. Now instead of landing in Raleigh/ Durham, NC at 4:30pm I'm looking at 9:30pm. This has already caused a bit of a hiccup in my pre-planned getting drunk schedule. Turns out the airlines will not allow you to be drunk and belligerent in the air. Something about mooning other planes on the tarmac I am informed is a no-no. </div>
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So here I am the weary traveler, tired of small talk with strangers and airport food. I can not wait to reach my destination! However like I said before, already it has been a long strange trip full of thoughts and observations. Of course I must share them with all of you. Here are a few in no particular order:</div>
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+ Turns out the "friendly skies" aren't so friendly anymore. My palms where swabbed not once but twice by a magic wand that can detect foreign fluids. Thank goodness I took a shower after my "one for the road" internet porn session.<em> (Side note: my favorite is</em> xhamster.com <em>not a lot of ads, they never re-route you to another website and completely free. However I am looking for another suggestion for internet porn. I think I maybe nearing the end of their catalog... Ahem, I digress.)</em> while on the topic, why do they still make porn if you can get it all for free on the internet? They just all must be really committed to their art. </div>
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I thought I was careful enough to remove anything unnecessary from my carry on bag turns out I forgot a wine bottle opener with a small foil blade. This brought about the need for more fun and frolic time with the local TSA agents. I actually thanked them after a near thorough disrobing and strip search.<br />
Standing in the inspection line is a bit unnerving. It makes even the straightest of arrows start to wonder if there are any warrants out for their arrest or they just happen to have C-4 somehow stuck to their shoe. I found myself actually trying to dodge the glare of the pacing agents.<br />
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+While standing in line for the cavity search after taking off my shoes I couldn't help but look at everyone else's feet. No, I don't have a foot fetish of any kind. However looking around you can't help but notice things like the guy that is wearing a $3,000. suite and $1,000 shoes but socks with huge holes in them. The woman with jacked up hammer toes and a homemade pedicure all while wearing a pair of pumps she painted the bottom with the same nail polish as her toes to look like Louis Vuitton's. Then the guy is wearing slip on loafers and smells like he has not washed his feet since Carter was in office and you know damn well he wore those shoes so he can slip them off during the preflight instructions and not putting those barking dogs away till landing. </div>
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Also ever since hearing about that Senator from Iowa that was caught trying to have sex with other dudes in airport restrooms I do everything in my power not to make eye contact and maintain my own personal bubble for fear something I do with my hands could be misconstrued as either a gang sign or a personal invite to "Booty-Land." <br />
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+ As I approach the plane through the gate I start to inspect the parts I can see on either side of the gate as if I know anything about aeronautical engineering. I saw a paint bubble and thought this was cause for concern. Isn't this how the Challenger Shuttle explosion started? Is that a missing rivet? I'm suddenly ready to lobby for higher wages to be paid to the ground crew. </div>
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+ The person that closes the door to the plane is a girl named Alison from Wisconsin. My first <br />
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thought is my ex-wife is Alison and this is how karma has plotted its revenge. Turns out Satan has a wicked sense of humor. Well played Satan I did not see that one coming. <br />
My next thought is shouldn't someone just a bit more qualified be shutting the door to this vacuumed sealed air bus? Just like when the doctor asked if I wanted to cut the cord when my children where born, I understand it probably isn't that tough to do, but it would just make me feel better about the whole operation. While giving preflight instructions she made a joke that alcohol will flow from the airbags while sipping only what I was hoping was coffee. No really thank you Southwest for having a sense of humor at a time like this. <br />
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+ The bar I'm sitting at has a huge margarita list. Thank goodness because today a beer just won't cut the mustard. Turns out for an extra $3 they double the tequila. So I'm 2 margaritas in and I have 4 free drink vouchers. The second leg of this voyage just got interesting. </div>
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+ The line at the Chipotle was around the corner. Jamba Juice however was 3 people. I opted for a protein shake. We all looked hungry. Subsequently I came to find out Germans really like Mexican fast food. Nothing funny about that really just a tid<br />
-bit of information. Almost the entire line was German. <br />
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+ Southwest seats people in groups. Group C position 18 is the equivalent of getting a seat in the cargo section. It may have been more enjoyable. The only seats left are middle seats and mine where next to a rotund woman with very active sweat glands and a guy from Iran named Ali.<br />
I fell asleep pretty quickly after being exhausted from the day before. It was a full flight and I woke myself up because I was snoring so loud. I am sure the plane loved me for that. When I woke up Ali was staring at me as though he was my dentist looking for cavities. As I wiped the drool from my mouth he was quick to point out that I must have been tired. Ya think?<br />
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+ When I first sat next to Ali I figured of course I would be the one to have to sit next to the only possible terrorist on the flight. I'm not saying all Muslims are terrorists. That is not what I am saying at all! Although let's be real all terrorists as of late do fit his description. Make matters worse the<br />
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgo_Iu4gFob1rk1NQUBKrxPYKG9yMU5Khjl6HNViIp7EgJOqbZvSdK1rEyhPD0qRC2qwFCz92tuEoLGeqQukO6aBbnLj_vYxvbGnF6FN6BP54hTvsCKFPtNiIlL2zkb-z6MMe5oPHKtcedL/s1600/shoes.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgo_Iu4gFob1rk1NQUBKrxPYKG9yMU5Khjl6HNViIp7EgJOqbZvSdK1rEyhPD0qRC2qwFCz92tuEoLGeqQukO6aBbnLj_vYxvbGnF6FN6BP54hTvsCKFPtNiIlL2zkb-z6MMe5oPHKtcedL/s1600/shoes.jpg" /></a> second he sits down Ali buried his face in his hands and starts to mumble a prayer in Arabic. This begs me to ask the question. They say if you're a Muslim and you die a martyr you will be rewarded with 72 virgins upon your death. Why 72? First of all If these women died as virgins imagine what they must look like! Don't get me confused I am certain they all have lovely personalities however I am almost positive that if you look close enough you can also see where the 12 foot pole was poking them for the better part of their lives. Also I don't know about you but I tend to date women that already know what they are doing. Even when I was younger I dated older women. Older women know exactly what to do. No coaching them needed. They not only do the freaky shit I like but they also make you a sandwich and get you a cold drink after. The last thing I want to be doing is 72 private lessons on how to take a dick. On the other hand is this more of a group orgy setting? mean there are nights where I might be able to handle 2 or 3 but after a solid couple of hours I need a few hour nap. I am only one man! Finally why the hell do they have such a surplus of virgins? <br />
If I see anything even resembling a bomb I am using the large sweaty woman to my right. She already mentioned she is single with no kids and she has 2 cats. I would be doing her a favor by using her as a human shield. She is one cute kitten away from being the crazy cat lady. Also at this point I am so tired that if Ali does have anti-American sentiments I am saying go ahead and do your worst. <br />
However it turns out Ali is a nice guy that lives in Baltimore now after successfully online dating and finding his wife to be in NYC. He's actually quite the chatty Cathy. </div>
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+ Just because you don't speak English doesn't mean you should shout into your cell phone in your native tongue in the airport terminal!</div>
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Ali on the other hand is praying out loud in Arabic. How the hell did this guy get through TSA??!!</div>
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+ I wonder if the new body scans show them everything. The TSA agent on the other side just winked at me. I winked back purely because I didn't want to pull out the finger guns for fear of a rubber glove strip search in the back room. After that brief encounter that I thought nothing of at the time , I now feel dirty and a bit violated. On the flip side He winked and didn't giggle. So maybe all's well that ends well. <br />
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+ Everyone waiting for a flight that has a laptop looks very professional and busy, like captains of industry. I on the other hand have opted to watch the movie Joe Dirt 2. </div>
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+ On the way home I was lucky enough to get a isle seat. At 6'3" and 230 lbs. A isle seat is a welcome site. That is until a guy sat next to me with an enormous laptop computer. It was so big the flight attendant scolded him for having this behemoth on the tray table and he was told to power it down and put it away. This computer was jammed into my calves for the rest of the flight. <br />
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This reminds me of a interesting fact about salmon and how after they are hatched they swim out to sea through various rivers, lakes and streams. Then when they are ready to spawn they swim all the way back through those same rivers, lakes and streams to the exact location they where born in to spawn and then eventually die. A fish with a brain the size of a peanut! And to think I can't ever seem to find my car in a mall parking lot without a cell phone app! <br />
This game of find my car is followed by a rousing game of "Find the parking ticket or get charged double." I fumble all over my car while saying out loud "someone must have stolen my ticket!" Yeah there is a thief out there just waiting to break into my late model soft top Wrangler making it look completely seamless. Not a single other thing was touched but they just had to have my parking ticket! I finally find it in a place "I would never lose it." <br />
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That's all I have for now. It's 11pm and I still have an hour and a half ride back to Maine. Why is it I love to travel again? <br />
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<em><strong><span style="color: yellow; font-size: x-large;">Cheers!</span></strong></em></div>
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Good Times Charleyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07096645499497577447noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3336173229528452668.post-5052100115618915692015-07-16T02:05:00.001-04:002015-09-17T03:34:12.394-04:00Love Lessons 101<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<strong><span style="color: red; font-size: x-large;">S</span></strong>ometimes I sit down to write a post and it takes me a few days, other times it can take months to develop an idea and other times even longer depending on my level of writers block. Which turns out is a real thing, even for me that seems to have an unlimited amount to say at any given time. Tonight however it is going to all drop at once. As I sit here 2 beers and a half glass of banana rum on the rocks in already. I feel it somewhat necessary to pontificate on matters of the heart. More over about relationships all together. So please excuse me if this gets a bit disjointed, my thoughts at midnight 30 aren't completely lucid but I feel this sermon is long overdue. So get out your notebooks, pen and get your popcorn ready cause this rant train is on the move. <br />
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I have had my fair share of relationships in my 41 years of life. Some good some not so good and some down right tragic. I've learned enough to teach a full semester of college. I have loved and lost more than most and many times it has been the complete fault of the one I see daily in the mirror. I have a lot to draw on for experience and I am certainly not perfect when it comes to love. Charles The Love Doctor is now in and this brings me to my first point: <br />
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<strong><u><span style="color: red; font-size: large;">Love and trust are the same damn thing!</span></u></strong> <br />
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhLVqRz7P1fu3nU0pfZaxdmIHwF4qv93uQg9GjMmVijd-4PY0IBjLiMZ1hfdDDaLQsqY1IgTf2BSzn__x5d_ejV-2_wufkuflIikAOTGwA1W1yu5vUautcfbJP_ByqsoHrq3-zyAVjU2u64/s1600/lovedr.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhLVqRz7P1fu3nU0pfZaxdmIHwF4qv93uQg9GjMmVijd-4PY0IBjLiMZ1hfdDDaLQsqY1IgTf2BSzn__x5d_ejV-2_wufkuflIikAOTGwA1W1yu5vUautcfbJP_ByqsoHrq3-zyAVjU2u64/s200/lovedr.png" width="171" /></a>When you say to someone "I love you" you are essentially saying "I trust you with everything and all I have." I am not just speaking about worldly possessions here. This means you trust this person with every detail of your life. Every speck that is you. Think about it for a moment. This means even those completely messed up thoughts you have in the middle of the night. You trust that person with it all. Whatever makes you laugh, cry, lose your mind or could completely tear you down as a individual. Telling that person you love them means you trust them with all of that. You trust no only that they will listen but that they will respect and honor that information and never use it against you or purposefully hurt you in any way. If I hear one more person say to me "I love them but I don't trust them" I might just poke that person in the eye. Also keep in mind trust is all or nothing. There is no thing as being "sort of pregnant" and there is no such thing as only having a little trust. Black and white here people. No grey area! <br />
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiTPn7TUvyyJFCqaVEn5IQUkmL0pa4ikobP8FfyUDqQJ2F4aMsiaSXsTtczCI7ECEJ86zv2KF0jG_SzsStGauMcDQTT95bqJpQcaQD0plb-bHMsfnTN1yfyhP4s32I5HqMtH7vKzSHpep1I/s1600/fthat.gif" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiTPn7TUvyyJFCqaVEn5IQUkmL0pa4ikobP8FfyUDqQJ2F4aMsiaSXsTtczCI7ECEJ86zv2KF0jG_SzsStGauMcDQTT95bqJpQcaQD0plb-bHMsfnTN1yfyhP4s32I5HqMtH7vKzSHpep1I/s1600/fthat.gif" /></a>You may think you love that person. However without trust. Love is not what you are feeling. You are feeling a number of other emotions. Lust, desire, comfort, solitude, maybe even a small touch of security. Sort of like Linus from The Peanuts with his blanket. Sure he could walk without it, but he didn't want to. Saying you love someone you don't trust is just that. <br />
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<span style="color: red; font-size: large;"><strong><u>Take off your blinders!</u></strong></span> <br />
Realize dead weight when you see it! I was talking to a girl tonight that told me she wants to leave her current boyfriend because they fight all the time, he doesn't have a job, he deals drugs for money, also he is on drugs to stay away from other harder drugs, he's been to prison already, he doesn't even have his original teeth and he can't keep even the most menial of jobs because he doesn't like the work. All this while she is working two jobs and supporting the two of them. He keeps telling her he is going to change and every once in a great while shows just enough initiative to keep her thinking happy thoughts but really we all know that will never happen. All this and she says "But I love him and can't just let him go because I care too much." What in the holiest of fuck...???<br />
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One, stop hiding behind you care too much. That's not it. You are afraid to be alone. End of sentence. Trust me when I tell you being alone is a scary place. There is lots of uncertainty and everywhere you go there are happy couples and songs on the radio about love and affection. Will anyone ever love you again? Maybe. Going to bed alone is awful. I actually miss cold feet on me before I go to sleep, or just feeling someone rest her head on my chest before we roll over to sleep. Being single is only what I can imagine purgatory to be like. Even worse it's like being an ugly cat at an animal shelter. You know like the ones with no fur and resting bitch face. The ones that look like foreskin with attitude... Women walk by and look at you and seem to say "well look at him. I mean sure he has big ears and a jacked up behind but he means well. I mean I would take him home but I have a dog already..." All I can tell you is that someday some one special will come into your life... or not. How the hell should I know. What I do know is staying in that relationship means you will never find the right one.<br />
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Second, do you know why you never see homeless people and millionaires hanging out? Because successful people surround themselves with other successful people. Many times we are a product of our environment. This doesn't mean you need to rush out and find millionaire friends and then you too will be a millionaire. What this means is successful people come in all shapes and backgrounds. This knucklehead however is never going to be shit! Everyday there is going to be another excuse of how the system or his issues hold him back from achieving a higher level. You on the other hand are buying the very flaming bag of crap he is selling. Just like Chris Rock says about relationships working. I'm paraphrasing here but he says: "You have to be on the same page or that shit just isn't going to work. If one of you is like I'm headed to church what are you doing today? I'm going to smoke crack! That relationship is doomed. At least if your both crack-heads you can be crack-heads together." <br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjHFAOzdlWnbN8FWCpPUqwkpjgj_rmlHs2kgrs9jBhkE8h4cV9v1wIFe0C1UgWa9NMToXSd-V6ryA5sLu26v-aavT8uJ85-0TAolaLVmHzSovqDBo-1uSeqCgp-v5h0Y4-dzsG3_MzabZkL/s1600/hangon.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjHFAOzdlWnbN8FWCpPUqwkpjgj_rmlHs2kgrs9jBhkE8h4cV9v1wIFe0C1UgWa9NMToXSd-V6ryA5sLu26v-aavT8uJ85-0TAolaLVmHzSovqDBo-1uSeqCgp-v5h0Y4-dzsG3_MzabZkL/s200/hangon.jpg" width="150" /></a>Finally, of course he says he loves you. He's going to cling to her ass like a midget to a flagpole in a hurricane. You are all his ass has. The only thing he can give you is loyalty. You are his alpha and omega. Count all the tangible aspects he brings to the relationship. Wake me up when he gets to 3 if he ever does.<br />
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Bottom line here is you need to be able to look beyond your feelings. Is this person ever going to enrich your life. Sure his family and friends probably love you to death. Why? Because you are keeping that pain in the ass out of their hair. You're keeping him from dragging them down. Bet your ass they want to see your relationship last. They will even pump you up and cheers you on.<br />
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<strong><u><span style="color: red; font-size: large;">Know when to hold and when to fold!</span></u></strong><br />
Just like Kenny Rogers sang in "The Gambler." "Know when to walk away and know when to run." Truer words have never been spoken. Alright maybe they have been, but that is some pretty damn good advice. When you do call it quits, do it all the way. Leaving the door open for reunions and hangouts is just keeping the thought alive and the wound covered. Summon up your virtual cohunes and drop the hammer on them. "I took a vote and you are out." Tear off the band-aide completely and toss it away. Like my Mom always told me, "If you are in a relationship and you need the person to change, then you are in it for the wrong reasons."<br />
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That is all the knowledge I have for tonight boys and girls. My glass is empty and my eyes are tired...<br />
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<em><span style="font-size: x-large;">Mic drop... <span style="color: yellow;">Cheers!</span></span></em> </div>
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Good Times Charleyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07096645499497577447noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3336173229528452668.post-84895576383464575852015-07-02T14:41:00.002-04:002015-09-17T03:34:27.878-04:00Damn White People<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
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<strong><span style="color: blue; font-size: x-large;">T</span></strong>here is no question that I'm a white guy. Seriously if you see me in mid summer, I am the guy that looks like Elmer's Glue in khaki shorts and a blue shirt with a glowing red bald head. When Crayola finally invents the color "white guy" I am all but certain I will be the inspiration. With that said it has never been really all that cool to be white. Unless you are one of the Mark Zuckerberg, Shaun White, Tom Brady or Eminem's of the world and even then the cool factor is limited. Being a white guy we are always looking for a way to pull off some level of cool. Shawn White and several others had to follow Tony Hawk in making up sports to achieve cool kid status. Before the X-games existed theses guys where viewed as just stoners without jobs. Now they are stoners with medals... <br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgzFrjXFjZ9x_l_tJMVNE43Og5xrfKaWqV_x59ei9v5ArcbvXyBTS25f4VlYAdIAeX1cDUuNWnYfRTgGL6YYKYaFw1S2RtjbyhHS3PylbXyF8D7a7GwSTiQ7gbABS4lV8T4oHGXaLppoPLj/s1600/1987-Mens-Aerobic-Championship1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="198" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgzFrjXFjZ9x_l_tJMVNE43Og5xrfKaWqV_x59ei9v5ArcbvXyBTS25f4VlYAdIAeX1cDUuNWnYfRTgGL6YYKYaFw1S2RtjbyhHS3PylbXyF8D7a7GwSTiQ7gbABS4lV8T4oHGXaLppoPLj/s320/1987-Mens-Aerobic-Championship1.jpg" width="320" /></a>Not since the Bee Gees and John Travolta has it been cool to be a white guy. Let's face it when was the last time a white guy had his own shoe? Andrea Bargnani was the #1 pick in the NBA draft in 2006 and Andrew Bogut in 2005. I didn't even see them on a Gatorade commercial. Something tells me that there won't be many kids asking their parents for the Pony "Ghost's" this Christmas. LA Gear? Reebok? Anyone?...<br />
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All this aside I have been doing some "white people surveillance" and the results have been short of pretty. However after such research I think I may have a few ideas of what not to do in order to help my pigment deficient brethren. I have compiled a list of things we all must either stop at once or take into consideration. If we do this then we have an outside chance at white people finally getting back to the cool column.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg7ADGVFV5UyfntC9VPxH3jyu8YF5YXP9TMcsOErXJv3RrJgd4Hbevwd8jAkp25H7BcF4eccAPHV0yyo5bEZ8pxL0sgd0e5c7Sh_bXafmb6t60NYeUMY2-X64d1jy137Y1ca8VnzbOuhmoU/s1600/feet.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="150" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg7ADGVFV5UyfntC9VPxH3jyu8YF5YXP9TMcsOErXJv3RrJgd4Hbevwd8jAkp25H7BcF4eccAPHV0yyo5bEZ8pxL0sgd0e5c7Sh_bXafmb6t60NYeUMY2-X64d1jy137Y1ca8VnzbOuhmoU/s200/feet.jpg" width="200" /></a>+ <u><strong><em><span style="color: red;">Putting feet up on the dash board or out the window of the car:</span></em></strong></u> There is nothing worse than being stuck in traffic and seeing some ones nasty dirty socks or hammer toes just chilling on the side view mirror. We think we look pretty chill and that all is good. It's not! Your feet stank please pull them back in the car. <br />
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+ <strong><em><u><span style="color: red;">Ski hats in the summer:</span></u></em></strong> It's 80+ degrees outside and you're wearing a knit ski hat. You must be sweltering. I'm sweating just looking at you. <br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgo-TMYBVLpSaXFfK-WeZVJWBEDNgLlUmoiEv6Vyg_YusjccLqdGvkZ-3KhnaU0KSgKEMWrNtDH2BccRgrLGMBeNHZZharbBPEEhbMvyCyMg86pImW25Mi6lK9ep7B5-alWBaZ25xfZuYPP/s1600/leash.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="136" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgo-TMYBVLpSaXFfK-WeZVJWBEDNgLlUmoiEv6Vyg_YusjccLqdGvkZ-3KhnaU0KSgKEMWrNtDH2BccRgrLGMBeNHZZharbBPEEhbMvyCyMg86pImW25Mi6lK9ep7B5-alWBaZ25xfZuYPP/s200/leash.jpg" width="200" /></a>+ <strong><em><u><span style="color: red;">Take your kids off the leash:</span></u></em></strong> Don't get me wrong watching one of those kids start to sprint toward something they want only to find the end of the leash as they are yanked back by the bungee cord toward a parental unit is hilarious. However, one of these days one of them damn kids is going to get off that leash and bite someone. Then what? Guess we'll just have to do the humane thing and put him down. <br />
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+ <em><strong><u><span style="color: red;">Pants hanging below your ass:</span></u></strong></em> This is how prisoners display they are gay to other prisoners and these clowns are doing it out in public. If you are one of these clowns just know you are constantly on the verge of getting either an atomic wedgie or butt fucked by a very large man at any point in time. Picture it as playing Russian Roulette with your butthole. <br />
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<span style="color: red;"><span style="color: black;">+<strong> </strong></span><u><em><strong>Being offended:</strong></em></u></span> Seriously no one gives a shit. Who or whatever lit the fuse on your tampon, we all could care less. The United States is already filled with whining babies for a ton of silly reasons. Suck it up and deal with it. Life is tough sunshine. Time to hike up the Huggies and drive on kiddo. <br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjYC5Juk0fA-PqZgY2MNF5o2QLsBJP1bOf_YXFRAfhdCw8d7I66dYIt4evodP4JPIuKLHt_ryJrPbJoBjZVdfCdUfXRTwGf5OuHC_pS-c_zVqkXlEWYM7ExCa4xUOi4he19SqKSCBmcPV2T/s1600/said-no-one-ever-skinny-jeans.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjYC5Juk0fA-PqZgY2MNF5o2QLsBJP1bOf_YXFRAfhdCw8d7I66dYIt4evodP4JPIuKLHt_ryJrPbJoBjZVdfCdUfXRTwGf5OuHC_pS-c_zVqkXlEWYM7ExCa4xUOi4he19SqKSCBmcPV2T/s320/said-no-one-ever-skinny-jeans.jpg" width="213" /></a><span style="color: red;"><span style="color: black;">+</span> <em><u><strong>Airing your dirty laundry or making announcements on any sort of social media:</strong></u></em></span> This also falls under the "who gives a shit column." <br />
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+ <strong><em><u><span style="color: red;">Men in skinny jeans:</span></u></em></strong> For goodness sake imagine what you are doing to old Hank and the twins. Like my Pop always told me. Your pants should be a like a fine hotel, plenty of ball room. (Feel free to write that one down.)<br />
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<span style="color: red;"><span style="color: black;">+ </span><strong><em><u>Survival Shows:</u></em></strong></span> Notice you NEVER see any minorities on shows like "Naked and Afraid" or "Alone in the Woods" or any other survival show on Discovery. Actually you rarely see any minorities on The Discovery, History or A&E channels period. Huh! that was an odd epiphany... What I am trying to tell you however is that you have a home with a stove and a microwave. We as humans are the top of he food chain. For the love of Christ rejoice in this every damn day! Get back on the grid like the rest of us poor schmucks. The local supermarket has all the food you need just packed with great human growth hormones. <br />
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+ <strong><u><em><span style="color: red;">Making up stunts and going splat:</span></em></u></strong> If you jump off a high building, cliff or any other tall structure you should in no way be remembered in a serious light. We should however make you into a cartoon and much like the Willey Coyote play however you met your demise on a loop at your funeral along with a whiteboard display of the planning of said stunt so we can all have a hearty chuckle at your expense. You're not an innovator nor a hero. You're a dumbass! <br />
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+ <span style="color: red;"><strong><em><u>Shooting up entire groups of people:</u></em></strong> </span>Every other race gets angry and shoots the person that pisses them off and although I don't condone it, on some level I understand it. White guys get angry and they shoot and blow up EVERYBODY!!! It's gotten to a point where the last time I was at Dunkin Doughnuts there was a white guy in front of me in line. When he started to get upset that he couldn't use a coupon. I saw this guy starting to get angry and I just left. While we're on the topic. If you see any other race running in a direction, run with them! Trust me when I tell you that their instincts for inherent danger is better than yours.<br />
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+ <strong><em><u><span style="color: red;">Fad diets:</span></u></em></strong> Let me get this straight, you're going to be a miserable pain in the ass while losing 8lbs and bragging about it on Facebook. Your "diet" is going to be some crazy menu that makes you feel like a puddle and crap like a donkey on colon blow. Here's a tip. Your 20 year old body is gone. Long gone. Deal with it. Go out and find yourself a bigger fatty that's great in bed and have lots of sloppy sex and eat whatever you want in the process. <br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiLBwryRnUGrR-_xGcr-mjQIAV58uvvunbSeinMcmEGFytddvPhWgotb3sL4Tae_NzKM-aYOSFrKDisVrLhFBP78KM9la0_4p3hD_idQYWfjI6BDs5KOj_jFszySZKNe-HPf8kZqcMpJiDy/s1600/skinny.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiLBwryRnUGrR-_xGcr-mjQIAV58uvvunbSeinMcmEGFytddvPhWgotb3sL4Tae_NzKM-aYOSFrKDisVrLhFBP78KM9la0_4p3hD_idQYWfjI6BDs5KOj_jFszySZKNe-HPf8kZqcMpJiDy/s320/skinny.jpg" width="212" /></a>+ <strong><em><u><span style="color: red;">Vegans, Vegetarians and people into "wellness":</span></u></em></strong> Have you ever noticed people that are into "wellness" look like they are about to die any minute? Listen close to someone who survives on Echinacea root and wheat grass for more than a few weeks. You will hear their body crying out "for the love of God just give me a steak!" Never mind just find me a cow and I will kill it myself when no one is looking and blame it on a Republican!"<br />
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+ <strong><u><em><span style="color: red;">Running through mud:</span></em></u></strong> One of the biggest events in the summer here is something called the "Tough Mudder" This is an obstacle run by soccer moms and 30 something's through the mud. There is no prize for finishing first and everyone gets a medal and a t-shirt for their $40 entry fee and right to run this course. They take a ton of pictures and post them up everywhere so all their friends can give them a big "you go girl!" I keep getting asked to do these silly events. I did something like this already, it was called "Army training." This is where we ran through the mud and under barb-wire and obstacles that simulated a twisted battlefield set forth by a demonic Jenga enthusiast (where there would ever be a battle field this involved is beyond my imagination.) All the while they fired automatic weapons and set off quarter sticks of dynamite around us, in the hopes of teaching us how not to get our ass shot off in a real battle. <br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEibByjRbk_JPoD2Kc37yQk7DUjrhfOWtefHfWOK6jE0anuQ9IbOOQP-p80H7OjDW_p1It1uqAkYr_tDtbY69iEOBcKPMlB6CnGYDCjzh_JVufELDbjH05iPw50xqPctEOibYJUHfJLif7Od/s1600/kale-chips.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="132" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEibByjRbk_JPoD2Kc37yQk7DUjrhfOWtefHfWOK6jE0anuQ9IbOOQP-p80H7OjDW_p1It1uqAkYr_tDtbY69iEOBcKPMlB6CnGYDCjzh_JVufELDbjH05iPw50xqPctEOibYJUHfJLif7Od/s200/kale-chips.jpg" width="200" /></a>+ <strong><u><em><span style="color: red;">Kale Sucks:</span></em></u></strong> White people let me be the one to carry the torch on this one. It may be a "super food" but it tastes like you are eating grandma's curtains and makes you crap doily's. Congrats you're healthy! You're also completely miserable with your diet. If you need to learn the right way to enjoy food go down south. Places like Arkansas and Mississippi. They may not know their A,B, C's but let me tell you they are fat and happy. They don't even try to hide that they their fat. Go to any diner below the Mason - Dixon line and you might just see a tub of lard on the menu. Deep frying that tub is only .10 cents more. Fat people are jolly. FACT! <br />
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+ <span style="color: red;"><u><em><strong>Target $1 section:</strong></em></u></span> Whenever I go to target, I at least make a pass through he $1 section. None of us need any of that crap but for some reason us white people just have to buy it because it is just a dollar. <br />
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<span style="color: red;"><span style="color: black;">+ </span><strong><em><u>Dropping the N bomb is not OK because you have friends that are black:</u></em></strong></span> A few months ago a bunch of us where in a bar here lily white Maine. I think the Black population here is 2 and the Hispanic population here is 7. A guy comes right up to my friend Dereck who just happens to be black and asks him if he can "be a little racist for a moment" Seriously! Dereck looked at me as if to say "does this happen all the time up here?" The little white guy proceeds to tell us an off color joke. We both laugh but not at the joke. We laugh at the fact that have tis same guy tell the same joke in a different place where he was racially out-numbered and see what happens. <br />
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+ <span style="color: red;"><strong><em><u>Picking our own fruit: </u></em></strong></span><span style="color: black;">I think this is suppose to evoke a feeling of accomplishment and make us appreciate the harvest of our labor more when biting into that berry we plucked ourselves. The simple fact is that this is very leisurely work with no real expectation (the complete opposite of a migrant worker.) Then we pay for the opportunity to do so. The whole thing is the agricultural equivalent to a liberal arts degree. It feels like you've done real work when you really haven't. </span><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhyokDFkJD2H2OPBOna2HDBVEGpTPbrY7YBqSlQVPFr_715PAG3jFwhmqFmTNtb3-35C_QSdRkhsUXOSdmymvwcnQrJ0IvWrEEq5-c3GTE6NkvM_dxe9ndEVP5QB5OOpsZ3PXFUutjsLl6_/s1600/camp.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="224" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhyokDFkJD2H2OPBOna2HDBVEGpTPbrY7YBqSlQVPFr_715PAG3jFwhmqFmTNtb3-35C_QSdRkhsUXOSdmymvwcnQrJ0IvWrEEq5-c3GTE6NkvM_dxe9ndEVP5QB5OOpsZ3PXFUutjsLl6_/s320/camp.jpg" width="320" /></a><br />
+ <strong><em><u><span style="color: red;">Camping:</span></u></em></strong> If anyone else where trapped in the middle of the woods with no electricity, running <br />
water or cooking source it would be considered a worse case scenario. White people watch a week of the Discovery channel and all the survival shows they can and then go voluntarily camping. Let me tell you camping sucks. Nothing about this is simple. Watch as these people load up their Subaru Outback with a roof racks, drive an extended period of time to pay an entry fee to a national park or camp site and begin to "get away from it all." These people are completely unaware of the irony of driving a gas chugging SUV to bring them closer to nature. <br />
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+ <strong><em><u><span style="color: red;">Starbucks:</span></u></em></strong> There use to be a time when men would go into a diner and order a cup of coffee. The guy behind the counter would pull out a cup and saucer along with a large pot of coffee and serve it to you hot and black. Sure there was cream and sugar for you to use but that was all there was to the transaction. Now there is Starbucks and lots of other coffee shops like them. You need to know an entirely different language ridden with words like vente, grande, soy latte and macchiato. I may be one of the worst offenders of this one. I love their coffee. I remember being in the Army and drinking coffee that tasted like sludge but it kept me awake and alert and that is all that mattered. Now I want a coffee and not only do I go for the one that looks like an ice cream Sunday but I suddenly acquire the obligatory gay lisp to do said ordering. Then the bill comes! $8 for a large cup of this caffeinated delight. I swear the last time I went to purchase a cup they ran a credit check for a small business loan. The funnier part here is how many unemployed people hang out in a place like this all day drinking overpriced coffee all the while stealing their WiFi because they can't afford their own for the house. <br />
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+ <span style="color: red;"><u><em><strong>Ed Hardy and Tap-Out! T-shirts:</strong></em></u></span> Just because your shirt looks like a tattoo or is produced by a fight club doesn't make you a tough guy. settle down killer! <br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgrRAKcgoaekLWPB7UT40HF6XZmWEZ97lqi2WVCNv8j8FkACRnga6Oez_WgQ-7MhsBlOblCT3KhZWf95uSJ2oHRY8105OY2DstvR1H6pXAqyfE969W-2ECjeiXiabWwODGMMotM8-U8cgpT/s1600/facebookdog.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="241" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgrRAKcgoaekLWPB7UT40HF6XZmWEZ97lqi2WVCNv8j8FkACRnga6Oez_WgQ-7MhsBlOblCT3KhZWf95uSJ2oHRY8105OY2DstvR1H6pXAqyfE969W-2ECjeiXiabWwODGMMotM8-U8cgpT/s320/facebookdog.jpg" width="320" /></a>+ <span style="color: red;"><strong><u><em>Treating your pets like people:</em></u></strong></span> Your dog just finished eating table scraps, bathing himself with his tongue, acknowledging his buddy by sniffing his fart locker and drinking out of the toilet bowl. A dog should be on a leash not in a stroller and no I will not friend it on Facebook. <br />
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+ <strong><u><em><span style="color: red;">Microbrew beer:</span></em></u></strong> There is a new group of assholes in this world calling themselves "beer snobs." Basically a group of guys that got to fat to be pontificating over what herbs and notes are in a glass of chardonnay have now made the jump to beer. It's a beer. Beer is good. Don't be a dick and try to educate me while trying to sound better than be for being able to suck down a harsh IPA. Just drink your beer and catch a buzz like the rest of us. While your at it shave the beard your mouth looks like a overgrown vagina. <br />
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Alright that is all I've got for now. So go out there with this new found knowledge and see a Spike Lee movie or something to help further this process. Little by little white people we can get at least a little closer to being cool again. <br />
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<span style="color: yellow; font-size: x-large;"><strong><em>Cheers!</em></strong></span> </div>
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Good Times Charleyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07096645499497577447noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3336173229528452668.post-60820805965013837722015-04-28T00:52:00.000-04:002015-09-17T03:33:28.618-04:00What's in a Name<br />
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<span style="color: #cc0000; font-size: x-large;"><strong>N</strong></span>ames are a funny thing. I mean years, months, days or even hours before a baby is ousted from their home of 9 months and rifled from their mothers baby launcher into this world the parents or parent looks at this baby and assigns them a name much like the Social Security office assigns numbers to a child that will stick with them for the rest of their lives. This kid has barely taken it's first diaper monster and already the nurses are hounding the parents as to what name you want on the crib card. <br />
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There are virtually thousands of baby name books out there too. Just names! Rows and rows and pages full of names. I'm absolutely jealous of the guy collecting royalties from that piece of American literature.<br />
Standing at a cocktail party and I turn to this well dressed guy and ask "So what kind of work do you do that made you a billionaire? Real estate, stock market, movie producer, business mogul? <br />
Billionaire: I penned "The Big Book of Baby Names." <br />
Me: Fuck you! You make how much every time a couple wants to think of a generic name for their little Throckmorton to be??!!" <br />
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgB3ArkiiVQkfEpyVi4VhCN93ngZSslg1yaIplqzqfmcYBz4xjnWU4ouLH98adiblHaX2nT-vfY-lW-druNfJJMX1tMtgwdneCAyhq47GCw9x4ntzy_baufyUZ2jdTk1mgJAioDhqFdobe_/s1600/shakes.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgB3ArkiiVQkfEpyVi4VhCN93ngZSslg1yaIplqzqfmcYBz4xjnWU4ouLH98adiblHaX2nT-vfY-lW-druNfJJMX1tMtgwdneCAyhq47GCw9x4ntzy_baufyUZ2jdTk1mgJAioDhqFdobe_/s1600/shakes.jpg" /></a>Billionaire: Yup! My empire was based on baby names. So what is it you do for a living? <br />
Me: I work my ass to the bone slinging drinks. Never mind I'm going to hang myself. <br />
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Some people will name a kid after a family member they love or even in the case of those crazy Christians someone from the Bible. No pressure there to live up to that person. Their entire life will be loosely compared to that name-sake. What if the kid turns out to be a dick? Then that name is ruined forever. <br />
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Others wait till the fresh baby is in it's mothers arms before they name it. This seems like cramming for a test at the 11th hour to me. Think about it. There the kid is and everyone keeps asking as they are gathered around the wiped out mother and still wet child. Asking "so what are you going to name it?" Suddenly you are on the clock and everyone is looking for an answer. You start looking around the room for answers as your sweating and thinking. "Tongue depressor? No but a great name to have in mind if he goes into porn. Cotton balls? No, and that is a horrible name unless he goes into gay porn. How about chair? No..."<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhsH0pAWD_gqP5ER53u73tW3OA40sJ8dDIVUfEd4D_Wn8Hvw4afBnlLMDxO0lRux97Pe3qCT7omHHNJAmYL7w4WM74u-7dPBAp2BT6_Jkhlh3MhftdjNy9didIg2GAPqU-ZCAAsKkTTIMF7/s1600/names.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="219" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhsH0pAWD_gqP5ER53u73tW3OA40sJ8dDIVUfEd4D_Wn8Hvw4afBnlLMDxO0lRux97Pe3qCT7omHHNJAmYL7w4WM74u-7dPBAp2BT6_Jkhlh3MhftdjNy9didIg2GAPqU-ZCAAsKkTTIMF7/s1600/names.jpg" width="320" /></a>Some parents have a name in mind then they look at the child and name them right there on the spot! How does this even work? "I was going to name him Jeff but I had one look at him and he was definitely a Tim." Sometimes this work and other times it comes back to bite the kid in the ass. The whole thing is completely unfair. The kid doesn't even have a say in this and people are going to call him/her by a name or it's derivative for the rest of their life. The kid hasn't even formed lasting facial features like a hook nose that sucks up their upper lip every time they inhale, a mono-brow, weird facial hair, a butt chin or even a cool scar. <br />
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No matter who you are or how long your name is people are always wanting to give you a nickname. A nickname seems a bit ridiculous to me. My parents named me Charles. I introduce myself all the time as Charles. The moment I do the question is usually asked "So what do you like to be called? Charley, Chuck, Chaz?" What the hell is wrong with Charles? I'm told all the time "Charles seems so formal." Like my name is trying to make them wear a sports coat in a fine restaurant. It's as though they are telling me "Nope I don't like that name! Here are a few suggestions. Try again." We all do it. My ex-wife was Alison although sometimes referred to her as "Soul Crusher." I also constantly called her Al. My Father is Larry. It's monosyllabic already for Christ sake and people call him Lar. How busy are we that we can't take another half second to spit out the extra "ry" to complete his real name. We won't even bother getting into the name Dick being a derivative of Richard" However I will say that it is among the more versatile of names with possible nick names of Dick, Rich, Rick, Ricky and Richey. <br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiHReGqMqfegKDMOsph3sKKCCxNhEXe_fJ6j6GhAF6N1RWeq7TYKEIVfJJEphcUKzLHGmXg_qYy-2Sm4h_4dCd5mLLsIK_OGBy0bcRwFhVMiRDRP139Y0TK83tRTbG6ac4TNIsq-D69nblV/s1600/haku.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="100" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiHReGqMqfegKDMOsph3sKKCCxNhEXe_fJ6j6GhAF6N1RWeq7TYKEIVfJJEphcUKzLHGmXg_qYy-2Sm4h_4dCd5mLLsIK_OGBy0bcRwFhVMiRDRP139Y0TK83tRTbG6ac4TNIsq-D69nblV/s1600/haku.jpg" width="200" /></a></div>
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I have a pretty crazy last name it's Nedzbala. It hales from the Czech Republic and it means "one without caring" Not like I don't give a shit more like No worries in a whimsical way. Yes, my last name means "Hakuna matata" Pretty cool right?! Although it is bitch to spell over the phone especially and I never had enough empty blocks on standardized tests growing up to fit my entire last name. Not to mention every "basic bitch" who just loved The Lion King has a tattoo of it. I am still very proud of it. <br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgUXlgaMUz-DVO7rBu1Pm1BQFmRFzuu2z9-ka7X7fots1g36u_JziuUW9GuX_74A0AWJf9b8rap3ItbHaXk4XwPXV4BdLz6ZK-ikLsfwfeFwOtiGYI3T9mBR874cSg6Ns6E7b4UiB2yaS8d/s1600/hakuna.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgUXlgaMUz-DVO7rBu1Pm1BQFmRFzuu2z9-ka7X7fots1g36u_JziuUW9GuX_74A0AWJf9b8rap3ItbHaXk4XwPXV4BdLz6ZK-ikLsfwfeFwOtiGYI3T9mBR874cSg6Ns6E7b4UiB2yaS8d/s1600/hakuna.jpg" /></a><br />
I have to say although I like my first name of Charles my parents really screwed the proverbial Pooch on this one. And they are definitely not alone. Several parents have made this same mistake. My parents where flirting with the name Zeke so thank goodness I dodged that bullet. Guys with names like Zeke walks into high school with a small slit cut in the waist band of their tighty whitey's. That way when the Bret's and Jake's of the world come to give them their daily atomic wedgie it tears away easier and doesn't do lasting damage to the taint.<br />
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The other day I met a guy at my motorcycle license class and he introduced himself as "Hawk." Of course I am sure just like every other asshole I had to ask "Is that your real name?" He then pulled out his license and there it was "Hawk!" Fucking "Hawk" right there in print! Holy crap there is a great name. Right away I thought why couldn't my parents have named me something cool like that? Thanks Larry and Hannah for completely blowing it! Now I don't hate my name but fucking Hawk! That's on a different level.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhPtBEcZSUV-hrF5x2CH93Ax0TTWrEniwlL7PCuNZiKFRl-pzNvZU6A_euhB5lLlSeo2O2G-Ii8zSG5IhFmvD0o66bQa2i8xuBYuO24V55cKuvm_vJv7kJcwxMWB9son_MLXLnWTVGAqC1c/s1600/Hawk.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="160" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhPtBEcZSUV-hrF5x2CH93Ax0TTWrEniwlL7PCuNZiKFRl-pzNvZU6A_euhB5lLlSeo2O2G-Ii8zSG5IhFmvD0o66bQa2i8xuBYuO24V55cKuvm_vJv7kJcwxMWB9son_MLXLnWTVGAqC1c/s1600/Hawk.png" width="400" /></a></div>
Already by age 2 with a name like Charles certain jobs where already eliminated from my future. You can't be a Spirit Guide, Rock Star or a Gladiator. Sure you can be one hell of a HR Representative, insurance agent or even in sales but your business travel will be comprised of staying at a Holiday Inn Express and you will definitely own more that 2 pairs of khaki pants. A guy with the name Hawk absolutely owns leather pants and can pull off a kilt to work. He can perform open heart surgery with a screw driver and you never know where the heck he is going and there will never be reservations in his name. Hawk is right up there with names like Magnus and Tiger. With those lames you are bound for greatness or to go down in a ball of flames. You don't ascend into heaven upon death. Satin asks if you want to put together a band and play his birthday party. Then after you can go pool hopping in heaven. <br />
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh6wlvoVOS3sFR7wNBI0c0IjTnD8HcZivIP6U_TXSd6-MWhCmAneOzKlLMtsuiiWGXDhBGbb4An2UQGNrGtHqGQdBkzfI_eq1yJ5o06sGXiaOY5lsgs13kbQSTbLG9GI7fSXMS1IK9Iwout/s1600/nam.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh6wlvoVOS3sFR7wNBI0c0IjTnD8HcZivIP6U_TXSd6-MWhCmAneOzKlLMtsuiiWGXDhBGbb4An2UQGNrGtHqGQdBkzfI_eq1yJ5o06sGXiaOY5lsgs13kbQSTbLG9GI7fSXMS1IK9Iwout/s1600/nam.jpg" /></a><br />
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Think about it, Charles asks you to go hiking with him. Fuck that! He couldn't find his own butthole with both thumbs, a map, a compass and a flashlight.Now Hawk is going for a leisurely stroll through a haunted forest in a loin cloth with a baseball bat hoping to find Sasquatch. Hell yes count me in! <br />
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My point here is with the right name it gives you a great introduction. I haven't once ever gotten an eyebrow raise when I say my name. Generic names tend to invoke the same result every time. "Oh hi..." But the right name can make panties wet for a mile radius upon hearing it. If I ever get to my last name then I get a little reaction but that is even more of a confused look as though I just cursed their soul in my third world dialect. You tell people your name is Hawk and no nickname is forthcoming forget even having to get to a surname. <br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhHMqSw3tS2ctw3XUdjt3uvlS6clFd6xRgR3eB1neroLP2gu73Yk9moE5sKoaYQWxBB2WUPUDKAOesfVkNFxo2Kw4aJngXZ42lNtZh1SXUo2qAMa3bo5b8tM23OrcqcW9_KFBUnoR4Yfs78/s1600/hawk2.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhHMqSw3tS2ctw3XUdjt3uvlS6clFd6xRgR3eB1neroLP2gu73Yk9moE5sKoaYQWxBB2WUPUDKAOesfVkNFxo2Kw4aJngXZ42lNtZh1SXUo2qAMa3bo5b8tM23OrcqcW9_KFBUnoR4Yfs78/s1600/hawk2.png" /></a></div>
So my next question I had to ask was "why are you taking the motorcycle license class. I mean with a name like that I just figured he was born on the back of a Harley Davidson doing 90 miles per hour. His answer was as nirvana as his name. "I've been riding for about 10 years now but I never had a license. So I figured I should just make it all legal finally." God damn Hawk! <br />
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I just Googled images of "Hawk" above is the first picture I got. Then I tried "Charles." Here are the first two that popped up as most popular. A serial killer and a Prince with a giant stick up his ass. Thanks Mom and Dad! <br />
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<span style="color: yellow; font-size: x-large;"><strong><em>Cheers!</em></strong></span></div>
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Good Times Charleyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07096645499497577447noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3336173229528452668.post-85560818586146262872015-03-23T23:04:00.001-04:002015-04-28T00:53:31.809-04:00ShaaaaaPOW!<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiw67LSoWLzE7r0l4bljQdXKj8C34YSQO_GM8Nl_RN3tJJQDUeg3Mv6ZBNPx6oMmoVswT5nDCKV3IL3E-xjxZ58l8JYBRbQkyI1GpjMU4BQBmTjKSyYDyHEMvgHBHE9hI10kDDjtJOE1L0s/s1600/well.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiw67LSoWLzE7r0l4bljQdXKj8C34YSQO_GM8Nl_RN3tJJQDUeg3Mv6ZBNPx6oMmoVswT5nDCKV3IL3E-xjxZ58l8JYBRbQkyI1GpjMU4BQBmTjKSyYDyHEMvgHBHE9hI10kDDjtJOE1L0s/s1600/well.jpg" height="208" width="400" /></a></div>
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<span style="color: magenta; font-size: x-large;"><strong><em>S</em></strong></span>orry everyone it has been a minute or two since I have posted anything here and I promise I will do better in the future. Life has been a little in the way as of late. However not to worry I shook that shit off and I'm back in the saddle... or on the keyboard is really more appropriate here. <br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiWskAX__AdtLnUxNmcOYfuewwsgv_vOT5-W97P_aUmrUiFU4vE65GQcPjOWvhL9PSgO9IRwfRiA8gHH8x0plvLeaNgMUVlpdZgw5c71cSGTcObX31XR4EuRaytEd34RhJOcZpspXG12u82/s1600/chopped.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiWskAX__AdtLnUxNmcOYfuewwsgv_vOT5-W97P_aUmrUiFU4vE65GQcPjOWvhL9PSgO9IRwfRiA8gHH8x0plvLeaNgMUVlpdZgw5c71cSGTcObX31XR4EuRaytEd34RhJOcZpspXG12u82/s1600/chopped.jpg" /></a>I was asked the other night to make a drink that was savory and spicy and still a bit sweet. Simple right? Not really seeing as I didn't have a lot of ingredients to work with. Although any bartender will tell you that whenever you go to a party it is inevitable that one or more of your friends will demand you make them a special concoction. As much as I wanted to pull out a Bud Light and pop the top stick a lemon in it and call it genius, I refrained. Like some weird episode of the Food Network show "Chopped" where the contestants are chefs from around the U.S. compete by making dishes out of odds and ends revealed in the form of a picnic basket and put on a 30 minute time clock.<br />
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhh6Smw2YFEq0R4yPTZ4AWWL75ptoZWiKJp72CfjuwfGqOqB1GYTRa8q3FkmuOpti-CgkVEZdRFgfuX64ab5wm6Jo69UGXoF0hSvzQur9XAXhVovmZcMWh0Yoga3gmOVsN2fsz5n0pyHIOk/s1600/brit.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhh6Smw2YFEq0R4yPTZ4AWWL75ptoZWiKJp72CfjuwfGqOqB1GYTRa8q3FkmuOpti-CgkVEZdRFgfuX64ab5wm6Jo69UGXoF0hSvzQur9XAXhVovmZcMWh0Yoga3gmOVsN2fsz5n0pyHIOk/s1600/brit.jpg" /></a>The conversation as I stroll into the party usually goes a little like this.<br />
Me: Hi, I brought beers is there room in the fridge?<br />
Drunk chick out of nowhere: Hey it's Charles the Bartender! Make us a drink!<br />
Me: OK what do you have for ingredients?<br />
Looking around and seeing a lot of beer and not much else... Uhm we have triple sec, some mustard, a crate of eggs, brown sugar and some beer.... And go!<br />
For some reason I feel compelled to flex my imagination and bartender extraordinaire muscles.<br />
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Of course they didn't have the usual bar staples and what I was left to use where whatever I could forage from the sparse refrigerator. What I found and what I concocted has been aptly named "ShaaaPOW!"<br />
- Enjoy!<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjS6dWB72k32MWrlqBqTwn-a8Q7zJFDm1-YYR8AH7dJud-mKABC5uaPM2X2S1EzLAc2w-iVk1XyTVlxXtcjP3vwIeV_Tb-ueRNLODSJCwVzr52-i7_16rzmStRN6ap1RNLULxOrYJuZGdxt/s1600/shaaaa.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjS6dWB72k32MWrlqBqTwn-a8Q7zJFDm1-YYR8AH7dJud-mKABC5uaPM2X2S1EzLAc2w-iVk1XyTVlxXtcjP3vwIeV_Tb-ueRNLODSJCwVzr52-i7_16rzmStRN6ap1RNLULxOrYJuZGdxt/s1600/shaaaa.png" height="108" width="200" /></a><b><span style="color: red; font-size: large;"><u>ShaaaPOW!</u></span></b><br />
This is going to be built along the lines of a Old Fashioned.<br />
Teaspoon of capers<br />
Orange slice<br />
3 dashes of bitters<br />
Muddle<br />
.5 oz - Sweet Vermouth<br />
2 oz. - Spiced Rum<br />
Fill with Tampico (citrus drink or OJ)<br />
Shake without ice<br />
Strain over ice and SHAAAAPOW!<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjmjUQONUW1kMQHe3BKNCJUcQvISbTiyC50Dz7IRVQTM8nzhdsVtqgXVnN4BQHaZsORdIrRJCcrWLZo8XOF_lAQ4pIOsCU13zhlR0yXgKIdDYgOvDiJFDW_R7dhvlSyiRUFV8RW6pBh2zkP/s1600/boom.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjmjUQONUW1kMQHe3BKNCJUcQvISbTiyC50Dz7IRVQTM8nzhdsVtqgXVnN4BQHaZsORdIrRJCcrWLZo8XOF_lAQ4pIOsCU13zhlR0yXgKIdDYgOvDiJFDW_R7dhvlSyiRUFV8RW6pBh2zkP/s1600/boom.png" /></a>Alright one good drink deserves another and this one! Although this one is not my personal concoction it is delicious and combines savory with just the right amount of sweet. This one is just simply called "Boom Shakalaka!" <br />
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<span style="color: orange; font-size: large;"><strong><u>"Boom Shakalaka"</u></strong></span></div>
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Over ice in a pint glass</div>
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1.5 oz. Gold Tequila</div>
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.5 oz. Simple Syrup</div>
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.5 oz. Lemon Juice</div>
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3 dashes of Pimento Bitters</div>
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Top with Ginger Ale</div>
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But wait there's more! Because you bought those last 2 we give you at no extra charge ONE MORE!!! That's right, I said here is one more to wet your whistle! This one is called "Nail Polish Remover." This little doosey is made with Viniq a new to the market moscato wine, vodka and fruit flavor liqueur. If you haven't seen it check out the video of this cool little liqueur below.<br />
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<span style="color: #a64d79; font-size: large;"><strong><u>Nail Polish Remover Martini</u></strong></span></div>
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2 oz. Viniq</div>
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1 oz. Lemonade</div>
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.5 oz. Fresh Clementine juice</div>
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Shake over ice and strain</div>
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Top with Champaign</div>
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Now get off the floor and go home! </div>
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<iframe embed="" height="315" mh_11cjo="" src="<a href=" width="560" www.youtube.com="">https://www.youtube.com/embed/MV3mh_11cjo&amp;lt;/a&amp;gt;" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen&amp;gt;</iframe><br /></div>
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<br />Good Times Charleyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07096645499497577447noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3336173229528452668.post-1738403131307856762015-03-23T22:22:00.001-04:002015-04-28T00:53:47.029-04:00You're Retarded<strong><span style="color: red; font-size: x-large;">I</span></strong> know! I know! I know what some of you are going to say... "Charles you can't say "the R word" it's not politically correct. Yeah I know! And yet I am still posting this hilarious video from College Humor. <br />
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<iframe embed="" height="315" src="<a href=" width="560" www.youtube.com="" yc86zxfsrim="">https://www.youtube.com/embed/yc86ZXFsriM&amp;amp;amp;lt;/a&amp;amp;amp;gt;" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen&amp;amp;amp;gt;</iframe><br /></div>
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<em><strong><span style="color: yellow; font-size: x-large;">Cheers!</span></strong></em></div>
Good Times Charleyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07096645499497577447noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3336173229528452668.post-72538413768040267602015-01-28T15:04:00.003-05:002015-04-28T00:54:03.553-04:00Air Force Amy! The Video. <div style="text-align: left;">
Here is the video you all may have heard about!... ENJOY! I know I did! Thanks Amy!!!!!</div>
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Good Times Charleyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07096645499497577447noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3336173229528452668.post-14569198662670547932015-01-27T20:40:00.001-05:002015-04-28T00:52:57.544-04:00It's a Bird! It's a Plane... No It's a falling Bartender! <div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhpmltU6B8bXbmzJmjPmBmejZ_xy154Dr3TIgoJWICt8pkRqBxH2TjvSxTBmknXhUxEpx07kM7DhQdIN8tdVgAqPC5-cGlFpB7pzRJneRA-PiqHaVdchAs2BK1BdeSlFQx9kRNui_vyxEFD/s1600/away.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhpmltU6B8bXbmzJmjPmBmejZ_xy154Dr3TIgoJWICt8pkRqBxH2TjvSxTBmknXhUxEpx07kM7DhQdIN8tdVgAqPC5-cGlFpB7pzRJneRA-PiqHaVdchAs2BK1BdeSlFQx9kRNui_vyxEFD/s1600/away.jpg" height="640" width="360" /></a></div>
<strong><span style="color: cyan; font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: x-large;">T</span></strong>his past summer I was asked by a great friend Amy to go jump out of a perfectly good airplane. When someone asks you to go skydiving there should naturally be some immediate questions. However I seemed to channel another friend of mine Bruce and my response to "Hey wanna go skydiving?" Was a mirror to when I asked Bruce if he wanted to go to Montreal on a half hours notice. His and my answer was a simple, "pick me up." <br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjV6kyo0VAhyphenhyphenEXvNQ6yQvyYzFgclSbckuDISQdFEN6aAkF-eeWmlPLLy5d5y7Xln1KlIcav3tJPQwH86vU8f8OCMvmkSlp9FeP8k0Bc6c6iGdDNfOT6VVi1VcS7QX_BYXfLGrkutQRT9YTB/s1600/jump5.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjV6kyo0VAhyphenhyphenEXvNQ6yQvyYzFgclSbckuDISQdFEN6aAkF-eeWmlPLLy5d5y7Xln1KlIcav3tJPQwH86vU8f8OCMvmkSlp9FeP8k0Bc6c6iGdDNfOT6VVi1VcS7QX_BYXfLGrkutQRT9YTB/s1600/jump5.jpg" height="150" width="200" /></a>Now I have experience jumping out of a airplane already however it was with the Army. Airborne training however is quite different than skydiving. For one the Army connects you to what they call a "static line." A static line is a fixed cord, one end of which is attached to your parachute whilst the other end is attached to the aircraft. The static line is around 15 feet<strong> </strong>in length and, as it pulls tight upon exiting the aircraft, it opens the parachute regardless of actions taken or not taken by you.<br />
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Skydiving on the other hand your first 100 times or so you go tandem. This means you have some stoner with a degree in "Falling and Gravity" and hopefully a advanced degree in how to pull the emergency chute strapped to your ass. I sat and spoke to a few of them for a little while about the life of a skydive instructor and after a few questions and mildly coherent sentences I was certain I was about to die. Picture an airborne Jeff Spicoli from the movie "Fast Times at Ridgemont High." These guys life consists of traveling like nomads from drop zone to drop zone and living like gypsies in camp grounds. Where ever the weather will hold up long enough to get their ass in the air. The shower policy is the same as though you where to go camping. Very liberal. <br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgEmH5M8yVV7XdQ24Lhykr9V-NSjB3zeE7bh-9wZyVNbmeRpBlFZeGrkUeq1SeJG3_LQddaqYm3ndyqzKvI8g68_W-RKv33N8TOuR_cTq7x3U6m2PPD6qGdjCGReWPucvTDKWazDuvWfbG4/s1600/jeffspic.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgEmH5M8yVV7XdQ24Lhykr9V-NSjB3zeE7bh-9wZyVNbmeRpBlFZeGrkUeq1SeJG3_LQddaqYm3ndyqzKvI8g68_W-RKv33N8TOuR_cTq7x3U6m2PPD6qGdjCGReWPucvTDKWazDuvWfbG4/s1600/jeffspic.jpg" /></a><br />
This feeling of certain death was amplified when they explained that because of the wind and that we were only a small group we would be taking a smaller plane up to drop as to save of fuel. When I spied the runway the only other aircraft was the equivalent of a kite. Also keep in mind my good friend Charles Delia just a week before passed away while doing something equally as insane (white water rafting) and he was a few years younger than me. So death was not far from my mind. <br />
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Now allow me to speak to you about the fact that it isn't always what you say but instead how you say it. So is the fact with the word "uhm." The word uhm usually means that the person saying it has no clue what they are talking about. However given to the right person in the right place and it can be completely calming. Next time you are in an airplane and your pilot dressed like a hobo with his pants sagging comes over the microphone imagine what would happen if he said "What up bitches?! We about to take this piece up to 20,000 feet then fly straight towards the sun till we bang a left at the Atlantic Ocean and land this pig hopefully n the ground. Peace I'm out!" The following reaction would be anarchy. A mad scramble for the door and to get the hell off the plane. Now say scenario and the pilot with his steely blue eyes, crisp clean uniform and says in his calm, cool voice "this is your pilot speaking and uhm we are about to take the aircraft up to 20,000 feet. We will be crossing through New York and Philadelphia and uhm... enjoy the scenery along the way. Uhm... we should be touching down safe and sound uhm... in about an hour or so." Ahhhhh... You can just feel your sphincter loosen already. <br />
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiz6kvfwy8m9x8VgE4j5MrlpAa0PfWD9sRPbobw_t85PwrNvgcB1H49B4usHleZqitax9KWRkFKfCGPuN6k8IbuUZimBd3HefO6DBuRRrmRSHYmOd1WMgErP42-lm2SDhwkpXpMJXtlc5_E/s1600/jump4.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiz6kvfwy8m9x8VgE4j5MrlpAa0PfWD9sRPbobw_t85PwrNvgcB1H49B4usHleZqitax9KWRkFKfCGPuN6k8IbuUZimBd3HefO6DBuRRrmRSHYmOd1WMgErP42-lm2SDhwkpXpMJXtlc5_E/s1600/jump4.jpg" height="200" width="150" /></a><br />
I told you that so I could tell you this about the guy strapped to my backside, while I was waiting to hurl my body out of a moving aircraft. My friend Amy had a little guy from Chili that barely spoke English attached to her. I on the other hand had a big guy from Australia tied to me. Again not what you say so much but how you say it. The little Chilean told Amy she was going to be fine as he stared at her tits. In his defense Amy has a beautiful new pair of Gummy Bears and they are fun to look at. However his voice alone I am certain gave no one piece of mind. Now the Australian could see I was a little nervous and so he comes over and just easily says in his thick Aussie accent "No worries here mate. Piece of piss here really. Uhm... all you got to do is uhm... sit down on the edge and lean your head back on my shoulder here and uhm... I'll do the rest. You just enjoy the ride." Now I have never found a man sexy, however in that moment...<br />
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhPh1k9YBRfyncp15UmPoxR3xp_FHEHZ1MLzuJ0bIFmkkFyrKwzxMtBFA5HA76zUV8OQhPcTlDvFkVJUwnlp3LaSUaZ1CtdpTY9q7VLsZbqyOrPFXhTXe1DI5D2hQXG2852gXOKZd7zIMRi/s1600/away2.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhPh1k9YBRfyncp15UmPoxR3xp_FHEHZ1MLzuJ0bIFmkkFyrKwzxMtBFA5HA76zUV8OQhPcTlDvFkVJUwnlp3LaSUaZ1CtdpTY9q7VLsZbqyOrPFXhTXe1DI5D2hQXG2852gXOKZd7zIMRi/s1600/away2.jpg" height="320" width="180" /></a><br />
I digress. Even with this new bit of Australian courage I found myself in a funny spot just before leaving the plane. You see before we made our grand exit we sat on the ledge of the plane with the door wide open and my legs dangling off the side in the air. I have never been big on organized religion. Although in that moment I prayed. I really did. I remember saying silently "I don't know who or what you are. Like the comedian Kathleen Madigan says "With so many religions and beliefs one of us has to be wrong. What if we get to heaven and God is an old guy riding a John Deer tractor like Forest Gump with a "Who Farted" hat?" That will piss off a lot of Muslims and Christians. I remember going on to say I know I have sinned a lot according to my Catholic upbringing however I please forgive me. I asked for the well being of my kids, my parents and grand parents and all my friends and even my ex-wife. All this praying and I didn't once think about saying a prayer for the well being and strength of the big Aussie strapped to my posterior! <br />
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Should I have updated my will? I know at last revision I left everything to my now ex-wife. I am also pretty nicely insured and I don't think I want to give her extra incentive to off me should I stick this landing. How do I want to be remembered? I mean who the hell is going to plan my funeral? I should have written some of this down somewhere for someone to find. I don't want a sad obituary either. <br />
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OK so some thoughts started to seep in about death. I remembered I wrote down some thoughts on it not so long ago: <br />
+ Death is definitely a real buzz kill. especially if you go out hooked up to all sorts of machines to keep you half alive. We all want to go out in either a blaze of glory, nice and easy while we sleep or just after a great orgasm. <br />
+ No one really knows how to capture your personality in your obituary unless you were a boring do nothing. "Frank died at age 82. He has 3 cats and loved stamp collecting... " SNORE! No one really reads those things anyway unless you are close to the person that died or there is an interesting story. Picture is of some old dude with liver spots sitting there in his hover-around of course that guy is dead. I mean we all have to go sometime. So for my obituary first of all use a good picture and feel free to Photoshop in a few Asian hookers. <br />
+ Now for the obituary itself something like "Charles died at age 41 he liked good booze, loose women and traveling to countries that had weak enforcement prostitution and gambling. He loved his children, family and friends. He discovered East Beckistan and invented yogurt..." Who the hell actually call you out on it? Seriously who would be a dick enough to go check? <br />
+ Now the actual funeral I want it to be a fun scene. I mean if clothing stores in the mall can have a DJ why can't I? All my family and friends will be on the VIP list and can skip the line. Advertise the night for a few weeks in advance. Funeral homes are sad and they suck! Rent a hall, have waitresses with bottle service, get shot girls dressed like total whores and have a Jagermeister promo. What better way to meet Jesus than with a buzz on after a wet t-shirt contest. Feel free to break a few laws and blame it all on me! Sell tickets at the door with the proceeds going to my kids and rent a spot light and a red carpet for the party. Pay for the whole thing by telling them to bill me. Fuck I'll be dead! <br />
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The rest of the day was absolutely amazing! While in the Army I had the opportunity to jump out of a plane or two however nothing exhilarating like this. I even think I peed myself a little. The jump was a total adrenaline rush from even before we left the ground. Many thanks to my great friend Amy Ryan and also thank you to God whoever you are for the safe landing. <br />
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<span style="color: yellow; font-size: x-large;"><em><strong>Cheers!</strong></em></span></div>
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Good Times Charleyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07096645499497577447noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3336173229528452668.post-91140684748540549492014-12-25T17:00:00.006-05:002015-01-28T14:46:43.116-05:00The Grinch<div style="text-align: center;">
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Good Times Charleyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07096645499497577447noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3336173229528452668.post-38588743663465842652014-12-13T00:15:00.002-05:002015-01-28T14:44:43.473-05:00New Cocktail: Toasted Tea<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj9QdFb56XzruhNm_IcNrcXontoc_JKafFATrhfncCaxVnki-hMEMLm0Tm3AMDsW80p1azTplvIMsJmTahyphenhyphen1GtbdAGiAMjhPSExLPRRrn1ZhdMEAdE5QUfBciuVFdhxK4aPwLSr3mrqICjF/s1600/tea.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj9QdFb56XzruhNm_IcNrcXontoc_JKafFATrhfncCaxVnki-hMEMLm0Tm3AMDsW80p1azTplvIMsJmTahyphenhyphen1GtbdAGiAMjhPSExLPRRrn1ZhdMEAdE5QUfBciuVFdhxK4aPwLSr3mrqICjF/s1600/tea.jpg" /></a></div>
<span style="color: #351c75; font-size: x-large;"><strong>T</strong></span>onight I went out for a drink and ran into someone that was drinking something a little different so like usual I asked him what it was and now I am passing it on to you! This cocktail was created because his friend wasn't able to have anything carbonated and loved amaretto. The taste is out of this world. A cross between sweet peach tea and a amaretto sour. Next time you are at your local watering hole give it a toss! <br />
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<strong><u><span style="color: orange; font-size: large;">Toasted Tea</span></u></strong></div>
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1 oz. - Spiced Rum</div>
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1 oz. - Peach Schnapps</div>
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1 oz. - Amaretto<br />
Splash of Cranberry juice</div>
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Fill with Iced Tea</div>
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Garnish with a lemon wheel</div>
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<span style="color: yellow; font-size: x-large;"><strong><em>Cheers!</em></strong></span></div>
Good Times Charleyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07096645499497577447noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3336173229528452668.post-53560285636681423312014-12-12T15:54:00.000-05:002014-12-13T00:16:01.617-05:00Online Dating for the 35+ Crowd.<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<span style="color: magenta; font-family: Times, "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: x-large;"><strong>I</strong></span> am no longer ashamed to say that I am a full fledge member of the online dating world. I realize this carries some stigmatism however for me, I'm over it. I have been sitting at the table for far too long. I am tired of walking into a bar and not knowing what to look at or whom. The last time I went out to eat there was no room at the bar so staring at the TV was not an option because the only one was behind me. You can only glance around the room so many times before people think you are staring at them and then the only option is to read whatever you can off your smartphone. Texting while eating is messy and although like your dining with another it just isn't the same.<br />
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I began writing this piece back in August of this year. The problem was that I just kept running into new material and I wanted time to think about what I was tossing out there into the blogosphere. Believe it or not I actually take time and consideration when I write this crap. I understand Shakespeare I am most certainly not. However I would like to think there is at least some small bits of wisdom to be derived from even my most mundane of thoughts. Every author, poet and songwriter I am pretty certain wants to thing they are inspiring someone and I am no different. So here it is December. The year is just sailing by. I started off 2014 by signing divorce papers on a 14+ year marriage. At times being alone has brought be to some pretty low places. It has also taught me a TON about who I am and what I want for the future. <br />
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Also as a side note you will see a lot of screen shot pictures here. These are actual profile pictures of some of the people on the Plenty of Fish dating site. Keep in mind "POF" is a free site and sometimes you get exactly what you pay for. I am under no false pretenses that I too am no prize pig and therefore part of the dating bargain bin fire sale. <br />
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Anyone who has ever really known me has also seen a shift in my guarded nature. There was a time in my life where I wouldn't tell anyone a thing about myself that I didn't feel they needed to know. I kept my personal life very personal. Everyone was on a need to know basis and no one really needed to know. Now as my friend Emily from Vermont would say this has been my "year of fuck it!" This is where I seem to be doing just the opposite and won't shut the fuck up even though it is probably best to keep some personal information to myself. I have opened up the flood gates so to speak and there seems to be no going back on that now. <br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgHH6ymmmc99g65B-UbaJxllxdgoD6Oum3ySJmE0LjgMBmzFZqKyayHDmaJcYBAu7MXUHsR3N0K39-0OvLUZG8mPuBFIWgku4Bpbf2Ja9TFpIzGUpqonGuVBacv_ENmktavAQTTFeXV1skQ/s1600/Screenshot_2013-12-21-08-06-48.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgHH6ymmmc99g65B-UbaJxllxdgoD6Oum3ySJmE0LjgMBmzFZqKyayHDmaJcYBAu7MXUHsR3N0K39-0OvLUZG8mPuBFIWgku4Bpbf2Ja9TFpIzGUpqonGuVBacv_ENmktavAQTTFeXV1skQ/s1600/Screenshot_2013-12-21-08-06-48.png" height="320" width="180" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">She not only wants a man...</td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg9TohRl61tbSJa-BTN8WXMij2tLSREmlQLKSZBbJB6j5XdjZpWXXG5XeQQV6SOztSxP8eRtfSvGK1N_9eKAL9e4G14bFWS3_dsncu10_BArDQuJrVHpU2IEPyUfuEZb-sHebGSZsR0jSWT/s1600/Screenshot_2013-12-21-08-06-40.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg9TohRl61tbSJa-BTN8WXMij2tLSREmlQLKSZBbJB6j5XdjZpWXXG5XeQQV6SOztSxP8eRtfSvGK1N_9eKAL9e4G14bFWS3_dsncu10_BArDQuJrVHpU2IEPyUfuEZb-sHebGSZsR0jSWT/s1600/Screenshot_2013-12-21-08-06-40.png" height="320" width="180" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">and she wants to sell her rims!</td></tr>
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2014 has also taught me what it is like to be lonely and that I don't like to be left alone. I like to feel wanted and loved. Sleeping alone is probably the worst of times. I have a body pillow now and I am just shy of giving her a name. Yup it's a her. And trust me if I could just get over that whole dude on dude part I would probably just be gay. However I can't even watch it on TV so I don't think that would translate well to real life. But just think how much easier it would be. I mean the whole 3 date rule would fly right out the window. No worry about feeling shame for just wanting to hit and run or even falling asleep after because you know... we're dudes!<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgn-2kOw3TvLlYAHr7bYhPxeGjPRX70OEFBuVo9cp35t0xd53oCWzjBnxudXKJ9NgT6LCXCZQ314tZskDlpYXpmfOw8JlmnXEUuX7ix89TVboaVdiz080vTYZy1gPkVgZt9qKhRyEpu0s93/s1600/Screenshot_2013-12-26-22-39-35.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgn-2kOw3TvLlYAHr7bYhPxeGjPRX70OEFBuVo9cp35t0xd53oCWzjBnxudXKJ9NgT6LCXCZQ314tZskDlpYXpmfOw8JlmnXEUuX7ix89TVboaVdiz080vTYZy1gPkVgZt9qKhRyEpu0s93/s1600/Screenshot_2013-12-26-22-39-35.png" height="320" width="180" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">No you can't touch mine. You already broke yours off! </td></tr>
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Back to my original thoughts back to August... My point being, I am doing this. Yup, I sat down the other night and started putting together all the things I wanted in a relationship. All the highlights I wanted to see in significant other. A sort of wish list if you will. I am sure I sounded like a kid at Christmas time sitting on Santa's lap in the mall... "and I want a pony, and a GI Joe with the kung foo grip!" So there I am just pulling up the stool to my workbench in the "build a bitch" workshop. As I am sifting through all the profiles and talking to more than my fair share of women a few thoughts cross my mind. Some of you may find these helpful. Some of you might find these comical. Others will think I am being over the top picky and maybe even overly skeptical (naaaa not me!) I am far from perfect and please do not think for a moment I feel I am without fault. Yes I know Jesus said "may he who is without guilt cast the first stone." However in this case all the windows have been knocked out of my glass house already and now I'm just lobbing a few back. <br />
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So I put together a dating profile. You can almost smell the desperation. However I was convinced I wasn't going to waste my time. I was going to put into words all the things I wanted in a relationship and the woman I was looking for. So here is what I wrote: <br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhuA3yLGw7N3b6nXsEgt0emKaRUkTz1d0k7g1tsipPD4keNCeqwBETZrVS3nK0qyP6D-gzEydnD-_xKr5z-kvzck91Uye6p-yl1Hx1i0fmbQwyKjMcTwKvXpaFXWvDTc-FK7nBwUPg4JLzv/s1600/1wcl4mylmi3jdsybx51zdhkqw437945885.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhuA3yLGw7N3b6nXsEgt0emKaRUkTz1d0k7g1tsipPD4keNCeqwBETZrVS3nK0qyP6D-gzEydnD-_xKr5z-kvzck91Uye6p-yl1Hx1i0fmbQwyKjMcTwKvXpaFXWvDTc-FK7nBwUPg4JLzv/s1600/1wcl4mylmi3jdsybx51zdhkqw437945885.jpg" height="212" width="320" /></a></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgH6jn0d01pnzgUOJFQUv57TiQACAJNWrv31q0BmuthW7Ak_RtQ06fUxYCefL-0xpUxTYpOOMCX7ucud9jmlPbjRP8Cj_2im954m2Hx63d97cyd6jiAXS-uvDvvVVjesKqLP8ioUxEcj34s/s1600/1e5p2vx1erhgns4sp1vwlrjmw480909281+(2).jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgH6jn0d01pnzgUOJFQUv57TiQACAJNWrv31q0BmuthW7Ak_RtQ06fUxYCefL-0xpUxTYpOOMCX7ucud9jmlPbjRP8Cj_2im954m2Hx63d97cyd6jiAXS-uvDvvVVjesKqLP8ioUxEcj34s/s1600/1e5p2vx1erhgns4sp1vwlrjmw480909281+(2).jpg" height="200" width="150" /></a><em><span style="color: #741b47;">About me, I think I'm easy to get along with. I've never been one to take myself to seriously. If anything I'm guilty of self deprecating humor and able to laugh about most anything. I don't care what your age is just be ready for a mature relationship. No silly drama, let's keep the crazy to a minimum. I'm a bit of a romantic and not afraid to admit I would love to be in Love. I believe in a man being chivalrous. I learned this from watching my own father and how he still treats my mother. I open doors even for my daughters so they know what to expect from men when they date. However with my son I pull out his chair just before he sits so he knows to look twice because guys friends are asses! I have manners and my Mother raised with solid values. Although unlike when I open a door for my daughters I will probably give you a pat on the ass on the way through just to prove you have my attention and what the hell it's fun for me too! I try my best to be polite unless pushed otherwise. I'm clean and even use soap twice a month weather I need it or not! I like being active and I'm fairly athletic. I like to play basketball, golf, tennis and going to the gym. The unfortunate part is I also love food so it's a constant balancing act. Sort of like going running just far enough to get a doughnut and walk home eating it. I like to travel and I'm a huge fan of overnights and day trips.</span></em><br />
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgWMJRUQoBkKW7G-D_LNvk5-gYnPSNdUuB6x3Y4o3nlH3WFv8iT9s3FMOrYgNT8bl_-_kfgFVZkXgYsodcnydIkwl0STNbBqwmE3zGpDHGNJEWG2EBLusCS5_9uCxrTyt5UMxs0AcbjKRsU/s1600/1wcl4mylmi3jdsybx51zdhkqw437946202.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgWMJRUQoBkKW7G-D_LNvk5-gYnPSNdUuB6x3Y4o3nlH3WFv8iT9s3FMOrYgNT8bl_-_kfgFVZkXgYsodcnydIkwl0STNbBqwmE3zGpDHGNJEWG2EBLusCS5_9uCxrTyt5UMxs0AcbjKRsU/s1600/1wcl4mylmi3jdsybx51zdhkqw437946202.jpg" height="200" width="150" /></a><em><span style="color: #741b47;"></span></em><br />
<em><span style="color: #741b47;">I work a good bit but also make a lot of time for the important things and people in my life. I am a business professional by day and a bartender part time at night. I also have a whole website devoted to all the silly stuff that crossed my mind or I see CharlesTheBartender.com if you want to check it out feel free but be aware it isn't pretty and I tend to be unfiltered and very glib when I write. So please take it all worth a grain of salt if you do read it. Also fair warning: your IQ could drop up to 15 points after reading it. It is fun and earns a good penny so why not. </span></em><em><span style="color: #741b47;"></span></em><br />
<em><span style="color: #741b47;">I'm a single dad and it can be challenging but I wouldn't trade it for the world. My kids are respectful and well behaved. I get along well with my ex and zero baby mama drama. </span></em></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgojnz4gc-M_KMPxnTSF3RC1Kq14EYXXKXAF0o3ZJiTKoS6lCrcL8Wl87QFXv-OCHfVyejgeNwSQQ-qzn3U4XGCvhTkmrFU_-F-BzyyNFe1iSy7UkXjvCLkEwpLIdk3i2B-lykVa-9AHOuQ/s1600/21ozjohbso3tg1tq0lwkn0o1w474515918.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgojnz4gc-M_KMPxnTSF3RC1Kq14EYXXKXAF0o3ZJiTKoS6lCrcL8Wl87QFXv-OCHfVyejgeNwSQQ-qzn3U4XGCvhTkmrFU_-F-BzyyNFe1iSy7UkXjvCLkEwpLIdk3i2B-lykVa-9AHOuQ/s1600/21ozjohbso3tg1tq0lwkn0o1w474515918.jpg" height="200" width="200" /></a><em><span style="color: #741b47;"><br />So I'm looking at this as sort of my wish list. I wanted to rattle off what I'm looking for. I'm sure by the end of this it will be sort of like a kid sitting on Santa's lap... "and I want a pony..." I realize that this also isn't the "Build a Chick Workshop" (sort of like Build a Bear in the mall only with anatomically correct parts.) But I'm hopeful for at least a few of these qualities.</span></em><em><span style="color: #741b47;"></span></em><br />
<em><span style="color: #741b47;">+ Smart, funny, kind, bubbly, etc. I think that is all pretty boiler plate stuff. </span></em><em><span style="color: #741b47;"></span></em><br />
<em><span style="color: #741b47;">+ Likes sports and enjoys working out. I'm not looking for someone that wants to have bigger arms than me or feels it's necessary to arm wrestle. I like when a woman wears a skirt or dress sometimes and if your balls hang out when you do, it's no longer cute. I would love to meet someone into golf or skiing. It's a great way to spend some time outside together. But there aren't many out there that are so I guess someone willing to learn would be cool. Same goes for other sporty stuff. </span></em></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiw2JlUWp5E03_H_yP1o4pXsGf7oku8hDRzBKa2kEGMYRwV5pgiIe2_KbNu1CVqryq_mNwXfQmkkr9Em3U4d-gYFxrMCd5JTQeVujBCj7BlViwThS3W54FVgRoghMKUcvVdb2oYSgXhbo03/s1600/10oj0pra4bbmop1snd5eaaq0u442989773.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiw2JlUWp5E03_H_yP1o4pXsGf7oku8hDRzBKa2kEGMYRwV5pgiIe2_KbNu1CVqryq_mNwXfQmkkr9Em3U4d-gYFxrMCd5JTQeVujBCj7BlViwThS3W54FVgRoghMKUcvVdb2oYSgXhbo03/s1600/10oj0pra4bbmop1snd5eaaq0u442989773.jpg" height="200" width="150" /></a></div>
<em><span style="color: #741b47;"><br />+ You should be an American not an American't. This has nothing to do with your ethnicity or heritage. This is all about attitude and having a positive outlook. Think positive and positive things will happen... eventually. </span></em><em><span style="color: #741b47;"><br />+ Someone that likes to smile and laugh. There is just something sexy about a woman with a confident smile. If you are all about saying your life sucks I'm not going to be the one trying to save your wretched soul. Even better when seeing her after a long day. A smile can make it all better.</span></em><em><span style="color: #741b47;"></span></em><br />
<em><span style="color: #741b47;">+ Be a little bit of a girly girl. I really appreciate the sight of a sexy woman in cute shoes and a dress. Although a bubbly friendly attitude makes a woman even more sexy! That doesn't mean I want a Barbie doll in heels and dress all the time, but it does mean that it is something I want sometimes. So every so often if you like to girl it up I will be more than happy to check you out! I have a few functions for work and I want someone hot by my side and then be able to completely be relaxed in jeans and a t other times. Sort of the whole package. </span></em><em><span style="color: #741b47;"></span></em><br />
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<em><span style="color: #741b47;">+ Enjoy good food and drinks. I love getting together with friends a couple bottles of wine and snacks by the ocean and life is good. I also thoroughly enjoy good food and trying different things. </span></em></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh1iH5nz_R7TsZJMIP2q-aUO7I2kAo6esa_5AnG7pPFqnnfTD1p8JCLf7zGte776o0cm-1SAT00Qk_cRQwl3eyAAsq9Abav_TMJBmr_QTU9SPc_gqKutKoUTct1ajmA44n6_GLt8P0ETiXa/s1600/dinab.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh1iH5nz_R7TsZJMIP2q-aUO7I2kAo6esa_5AnG7pPFqnnfTD1p8JCLf7zGte776o0cm-1SAT00Qk_cRQwl3eyAAsq9Abav_TMJBmr_QTU9SPc_gqKutKoUTct1ajmA44n6_GLt8P0ETiXa/s1600/dinab.png" /></a><em><span style="color: #741b47;">+ Have a very healthy sexual appetite. I know they say a mans sexual peak is 18. I beg to differ! I want someone that wants to have fun shaking the sheets and can not get enough. I want to use the word adventurous here for sure! (Yup! I'm a freak!)</span></em></div>
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<em><span style="color: #741b47;">+ Be able to hold a conversation and have interest in learning. I have no problem if sometimes one of us just wants to play devil's advocate for the sake of an interesting debate. Open minds make for interesting people. I'm a bartender part time and I learn something new from people there all the time. I want to know all about you and if every other word sentence is "I don't know" or "whatever" then the conversation will be short. Also please have a good command of the English language Intelligence is sexy trust me!</span></em></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiuNHWwy3upKgG9lIslAXLYrya3Hpv6Hbpp4a4-q7MGpD6f4HD88DuNxsbJL9jncGXdr5SUmlFSPhP1KZgkh_tri9DcqNEmBj3aMNyDuGxSxO6z6wJDxt1zHCIMKTi7u5efWY0n0LjUy_Kd/s1600/nakedtwist.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiuNHWwy3upKgG9lIslAXLYrya3Hpv6Hbpp4a4-q7MGpD6f4HD88DuNxsbJL9jncGXdr5SUmlFSPhP1KZgkh_tri9DcqNEmBj3aMNyDuGxSxO6z6wJDxt1zHCIMKTi7u5efWY0n0LjUy_Kd/s1600/nakedtwist.jpg" height="200" width="169" /></a><em><span style="color: #741b47;">+ Be a lady! I'm not trying to say you must always act like the princess you are however belching the alphabet or any word or phrase doesn't do it for me. Also I understand the need for an open door policy in a relationship, but feel free to close the door when you use the ladies room. There is a plethora of things we as men love to see you do naked, Jumping on a trampoline, wresting in mud, swimming under the stars and kiss another woman are right at the top of my list just to name a few. However using the bathroom... nobody needs to see that! Some things are sexy when you are naked. That isn't one of them. Don't believe me, watch the Seinfeld episode when he dates a nudist. There is nothing sexy about a lady grunting while trying to open a pickle jar naked. </span></em></div>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiBammWSwB05nYSwfDSkaCPmCO7IorHRt4RCFBfRvk6tERkMvXwTycXltN41ymmFg9XICxq71b6irYSfHHNkEpvTQjFX8xVhZgutOaR-4Rbjiif5irFU1Ku_ngod3JKJaSIs6LGxi9dedI3/s1600/Screenshot_2013-12-26-22-53-40.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiBammWSwB05nYSwfDSkaCPmCO7IorHRt4RCFBfRvk6tERkMvXwTycXltN41ymmFg9XICxq71b6irYSfHHNkEpvTQjFX8xVhZgutOaR-4Rbjiif5irFU1Ku_ngod3JKJaSIs6LGxi9dedI3/s1600/Screenshot_2013-12-26-22-53-40.png" height="320" width="180" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Murica!</td></tr>
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<em><span style="color: #741b47;"></span></em> </div>
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<em><span style="color: orange;"><span style="color: #741b47;">+ I'm all about being open and honest. You should be able to pick up my cell anytime and look through it or ever answer it when there is a call if you want. No secrets and no lies. I want a 100% relationship with no walls up. We are going to be a team and that means trust and always having each others back. ALWAYS!</span></span></em><br />
<em><span style="color: orange;"><span style="color: #741b47;">If I type anymore I'll have carpal tunnel and I'm sure you've lost interest long before this point. So if you have any questions feel free to ask. I'm an open book.</span> </span></em></div>
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So there it is my profile for all to see. Then I waited for all the responses to roll in. When I did finally start to see some fruits of my labor the responses where not all that I hoped for. I also have spoken to a few of my female friends about this topic and they also gave me their own horror stories. So after sorting through the rubble, repeatedly shaking my head and then placing my face in my palms while saying "Oh good gracious!" I have compiled some tips and horror stories for both sides to take from. Also mixed in here are pictures from actual women on the "Plenty of Fish" site. ith some of my special captions. <br />
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<strong><u><span style="color: magenta; font-size: large;">Ladies first: </span></u></strong></div>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhd4F4xileAgwOQ6rFzuTJWNvJT_-GESZ97A2ta_0HaoP8gUZw78KPmm5AsO-ZQrD9D1VY2F8yc1U_2k_Gu6tA7PlSsRNpPU94aoC40Au2QvdtjHk8UQ0z3siReGareuQ1pB_yKtuvQ3yrD/s1600/Screenshot_2014-09-09-11-50-03.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhd4F4xileAgwOQ6rFzuTJWNvJT_-GESZ97A2ta_0HaoP8gUZw78KPmm5AsO-ZQrD9D1VY2F8yc1U_2k_Gu6tA7PlSsRNpPU94aoC40Au2QvdtjHk8UQ0z3siReGareuQ1pB_yKtuvQ3yrD/s1600/Screenshot_2014-09-09-11-50-03.png" height="320" width="180" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Just 1 eyebrow</td></tr>
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<span style="color: red;"><u><em><strong>Stop asking "Are you an ax murderer?"</strong></em></u> </span><span style="color: black;">- </span>Here is a good one that I hear over and over. No joke I have actually been asked this one over the phone before meeting a girl and more than once! I finally get up the courage and summons the words to ask a pretty girl on a date. I realize a girl has to make sure she is safe and I hope my daughters do the same thing or just become lesbians. I would cheer the stars if they became lesbians. It would mean I no longer have to invest in a shot gun and I can completely stop working out! Although I understand wanting to make sure you keep a safe distance until you feel like you really know a guy because there are completely crazy people out there. However stop asking me if I am an "Ax murderer!" Seriously even if I was do you think I would just admit to it? Are ax murderers just that honest?<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEito6zDOYHYs1yFZOB4ZLcyINXPjfqiFz58LtJ76pbdAZ6fbAP_iAFuXY7rKvNRuVleFyqlVARMaMDtroUFfOfXMvZjn4zZlWfKxNJcBvPMi4-xmpm7pEwCpt4iRmFLyIjPb0_i87gFGx4I/s1600/Screenshot_2013-12-27-15-20-02.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEito6zDOYHYs1yFZOB4ZLcyINXPjfqiFz58LtJ76pbdAZ6fbAP_iAFuXY7rKvNRuVleFyqlVARMaMDtroUFfOfXMvZjn4zZlWfKxNJcBvPMi4-xmpm7pEwCpt4iRmFLyIjPb0_i87gFGx4I/s1600/Screenshot_2013-12-27-15-20-02.png" height="320" width="180" /></a><br />
<span style="color: purple;"><em>Ax Murderer:</em></span> <em>Hey want to meet me for a drink tonight?</em> <br />
<em><span style="color: #f4cccc;">Girl:</span> Are you an ax murderer?</em><br />
<em><span style="color: purple;">AM:</span> Murderer: Yeah! Damn you got me! (giggling)</em><br />
<em><span style="color: #f4cccc;">Girl:</span></em><em> Really? (completely relieved at the unveiling of this truth.)</em><br />
<em><span style="color: purple;">AM:</span> Yup! I was totally going to chop you up into little pieces! Had a shallow grave all picked out and everything too! Oh well I guess now it's all ruined seeing as it's no longer surprise. (looking completely disappointed.) Thanks a bunch! </em><br />
<em><span style="color: #f4cccc;">Girl:</span> Awww come on don't be that way. You really scared the hell out of me. </em><br />
<em><span style="color: purple;">AM:</span> Really? Or you just saying that?</em><br />
<em><span style="color: #f4cccc;">Girl:</span> No, no really you came off very Dexter. You know like a nice guy but really creepy underneath it all.</em><br />
<em><span style="color: purple;">AM:</span> Well thank you! That's what I was going for. </em><br />
<em><span style="color: #f4cccc;">Girl:</span> Thank God we got that out of the way.</em><br />
<em><span style="color: purple;">AM:</span> Hey seeing as I can't do that now, want to go for coffee? </em><br />
<em><span style="color: #f4cccc;">Girl:</span> You seem honest so OK!</em> <br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg2ceCkDjXyA14MsASiATWsZJvHXyz0JGtFqwoCGJPfLfAiLERNb0FJ8-kdy2ALkBp4o0psMcApzDPry0JQu0GUTpXYCx3GKkMGHzbRaUJj2vJel1FGXfE6S3sEHUgmdv_edm99C0RReilu/s1600/Screenshot_2013-12-26-23-22-59.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg2ceCkDjXyA14MsASiATWsZJvHXyz0JGtFqwoCGJPfLfAiLERNb0FJ8-kdy2ALkBp4o0psMcApzDPry0JQu0GUTpXYCx3GKkMGHzbRaUJj2vJel1FGXfE6S3sEHUgmdv_edm99C0RReilu/s1600/Screenshot_2013-12-26-23-22-59.png" height="320" width="180" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">I can see into your soul!</td></tr>
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<span style="color: red;"><strong><em><u>Keep it Classy</u></em></strong> <span style="color: black;">-</span> </span>Alright so this one is a tough one for me to let out of the bag just because I like most men LOVE half naked to fully naked women! In all seriousness however if you are wanting to find a deep meaningful connection and develop a relationship based on trust and mutual respect then keep your tits in your shirt! You would not believe how many women post of picture of themselves in various stages of undress or pictures of just their cleavage or their ass and then go on to say "if you are looking for a hook up then move along." Ladies here is a news flash and I am sorry to all the men out there for giving this one away. We are visual creatures! We look at a picture like that the same way we look at the glass case at the deli counter and get instantly hungry for a sandwich. I can freely and openly admit that when a girl is talking to me while her shirt is unbuttoned to her bellybutton I don't even know nor care if she has a head. You are sending us a VERY mixed signal. <br />
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I had a friend Melissa that use to say "always think with the end result in mind." Great advice in many facets of life. If you are looking like a hooker in your profile pictures don't expect me to get much further than your pictures. I am more than likely not going to read all your other thoughts and feelings in the "about you" section. I have just seen everything I needed to see!<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg0QcIma_YCoLxxSsfqVYeEjno_xHWkrhlvX61utBwCydUqWgXgZPcn5r2PdeOdIslIE-TVhO7Q_17XRYlNhbxXKS3h1D61miAtS47uCjAygLyzNtZ-UIQOzo0HrQQRceHbsjeuAI_0mtCR/s1600/Screenshot_2013-12-26-23-18-21.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg0QcIma_YCoLxxSsfqVYeEjno_xHWkrhlvX61utBwCydUqWgXgZPcn5r2PdeOdIslIE-TVhO7Q_17XRYlNhbxXKS3h1D61miAtS47uCjAygLyzNtZ-UIQOzo0HrQQRceHbsjeuAI_0mtCR/s1600/Screenshot_2013-12-26-23-18-21.png" height="320" width="180" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Carrie: Would you like to see my dirty pillows?</td></tr>
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Also men are extremely primal. If we could many of us would go back to caveman times. See us drinking in a bar in our loin cloth and there we spot a woman that catches our eye. Time to make our move. No more need for witty one liners to get your attention. All we would need is our trusty club and off you get drug back to our cave. The bottom line here is let me unwrap my own gifts (you) when the time is right.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi5_apfAQZ0ffGFRAh8PsRv4CEYBMNlVH9IBUMCv-UQNmkjjVccyx9Wr2DCe6yA0bJVC5ag8zVXVFNhhysP35QOF9kpRcgfpVtub3oQKRgOJdq8aptPf3v_i3Edq85LRW4Eea-a_U6qOPL0/s1600/Screenshot_2013-12-26-23-12-49.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi5_apfAQZ0ffGFRAh8PsRv4CEYBMNlVH9IBUMCv-UQNmkjjVccyx9Wr2DCe6yA0bJVC5ag8zVXVFNhhysP35QOF9kpRcgfpVtub3oQKRgOJdq8aptPf3v_i3Edq85LRW4Eea-a_U6qOPL0/s1600/Screenshot_2013-12-26-23-12-49.png" height="320" width="180" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">I see dead people.</td></tr>
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<span style="color: red; font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: small;"><strong><u><em>Above the head camera shots</em></u></strong><span style="color: black;"> -</span></span> </span>Almost every girl says they want an honest guy. They are looking for a guy that isn't going to lie to them. Fair enough. So knock it off with the above the head camera shots. The cat is out of the bag and we all know you are trying to hide a double chin! I would rather know up front what I am getting myself into. If you are a big girl God bless you and we still love ya! Hell we sometimes will love you by the pound. But if all your pictures are from aerial I am calling bullshit! If we show up and you look like Princess Leah should be chained to you in a bikini and all your pictures are from above making you look thinner then who is lying to whom? Your nails are fake, your hair isn't it's natural color and half of it is detachable, you're wearing make up to hide anything you consider a flaw and the weight section on your license is what you wish it was all the time. I get it! But you can now be considered half way in on the witness relocation program due to the many adjustments to your image. Just give us the real you. <br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEikQNeoIwaPkLMF7GFFPhD138omXDarulbDRVfcpiNKdLwaGCzacZgSgtwHP5mU-88j5qp8b9kR5d15Np4QqTpBpIHdKWTxG2z3yqiXmSRW7WZLIr4FOR8Efk3Ri1-qy_vrIyEr590KgooX/s1600/Screenshot_2013-12-26-22-38-59.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEikQNeoIwaPkLMF7GFFPhD138omXDarulbDRVfcpiNKdLwaGCzacZgSgtwHP5mU-88j5qp8b9kR5d15Np4QqTpBpIHdKWTxG2z3yqiXmSRW7WZLIr4FOR8Efk3Ri1-qy_vrIyEr590KgooX/s1600/Screenshot_2013-12-26-22-38-59.png" height="320" width="180" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Sweet fridge.</td></tr>
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<span style="color: red; font-size: large;"><strong><u><em><span style="font-size: small;">"I am not going to have sex with you!"</span></em></u></strong><span style="color: black;"><span style="font-size: small;"> -</span> </span></span>I would like to think something like this is a game time decision. I didn't even ask you yet! So putting that out there right from the jump tells me there is already a great big wall up between us and makes the whole night awkward. Sort of like being presumed guilty before a fair trial. If he is a gentleman than he will respect you saying no when and if he does ask. The other night I got a message from an older woman asking me if I had any plans for the night. I told her I had none, but was planning to lay low and watch Netflix, and she was more than welcome to come over and split a bottle of wine and watch a movie with me at my place. There was a long pause. When she finally spoke she said "Well I'm not going to have sex with you." What part of that offer said come on over and do a naughty dance on my fun pole?! I realize that men are complete carnal horn dogs. However some of us have couth and respect. If you feel your chastity will be threatened just decline the invite till you feel comfortable. <br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgDzXk97BPdmWtbMVyi8c_Emd9M0fDVkUFgbNprawhDeVuehB-jqQ5-ZMTelVjxlZm0MegTQTCfsfHhp1p-D3lIGtX46kSwVOsXxQISSQ5dWI6_pZ_ZblYFdPGJ0zSm9vgxYAZVdW8jAFn0/s1600/Screenshot_2013-12-21-08-15-21.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgDzXk97BPdmWtbMVyi8c_Emd9M0fDVkUFgbNprawhDeVuehB-jqQ5-ZMTelVjxlZm0MegTQTCfsfHhp1p-D3lIGtX46kSwVOsXxQISSQ5dWI6_pZ_ZblYFdPGJ0zSm9vgxYAZVdW8jAFn0/s1600/Screenshot_2013-12-21-08-15-21.png" height="320" width="180" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">She likes lingerie by the fire and a tractor.</td></tr>
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<strong><em><u><span style="color: red;">Find a few decent pictures</span></u></em></strong> - I'm sure you are queen of the "selfie" and Princess Duck lips but do you really think that is your best side? In the same breath if you are going on and on about wanting a solid and meaningful relationship and a "real man by your side" as I said previously, then as much as I appreciate the view I shouldn't be able to see all the way to your navel in your profile picture. Men are visual creatures and If you show us a big juicy steak then we will want a big juicy steak! <br />
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All that aside there is a great number of you that need a photo intervention. What I mean by that is to have at least one friend if not a male and female friend take a look at what you are about to post. Tell them to be critical. If you are too embarrassed to show your friends then you probably should not be posting it for the entire dating community to see. Gentlemen you just wait I will be talking about you next. You would be shocked (or maybe you won't) at what people post for pictures. Keep in mind this is what they feel is a good first impression.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj0jr8cp10JRhwd1hT5xmkUP6Cg2e8u89RwAEH5STo07ZjHhv_WZ94VK7ftNxCWQVzpc7zdBQlq_ADUzTD9eguoZqRoLiPWJpGeHOEJUBcDY219VfWrCLOVQuGkRkYKpvbyq2Ua014B3WT7/s1600/Screenshot_2014-09-09-11-52-23.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj0jr8cp10JRhwd1hT5xmkUP6Cg2e8u89RwAEH5STo07ZjHhv_WZ94VK7ftNxCWQVzpc7zdBQlq_ADUzTD9eguoZqRoLiPWJpGeHOEJUBcDY219VfWrCLOVQuGkRkYKpvbyq2Ua014B3WT7/s1600/Screenshot_2014-09-09-11-52-23.png" height="320" width="180" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Her forehead is pierced!</td></tr>
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<strong><em><u><span style="color: red;">Older women are just fine</span></u></em></strong> - You said you are 33 in your profile and then you got out of the car and looked damn near 60! Did you not think we would see the discrepancy? Do this to me I will promise you upon our meeting that I will pretend to either be a Eastern European exchange student who only knows how to say "Nice shoes, want to fuck?" in English. Or a blind white guy who thinks he is black and has no volume control especially when talking about the "white devil" and how he has kept me down all these years with lots of inadvertent feeling up moments due to not knowing where my hands will land seeing as I am blind. Trust me when I tell you that an older woman is just fine to most men. It means less stress, zero bullshit and no jumping through silly hoops like most younger women tend to put us through. We love it when a woman knows who and what she wants and lets us know right up front.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhifre8FOMyDeWcn5roi4LRQLvgphnANx9veucnzj9k7qoIqTTV95Dl41ln_CibX31O6A55P0AqzlQUnn2DTSu0PZWJdVh1My6fTdGW3weITEERwB77dTBV7BxBGy9CTNRNvm-_tXoUg4Tx/s1600/Screenshot_2013-12-26-22-52-08.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhifre8FOMyDeWcn5roi4LRQLvgphnANx9veucnzj9k7qoIqTTV95Dl41ln_CibX31O6A55P0AqzlQUnn2DTSu0PZWJdVh1My6fTdGW3weITEERwB77dTBV7BxBGy9CTNRNvm-_tXoUg4Tx/s1600/Screenshot_2013-12-26-22-52-08.png" height="320" width="180" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Somewhere there is a pissed off rooster.</td></tr>
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Even better a older woman will do WAY more in bed! Her body is a finely tuned instrument. There isn't going to be a lot of questions as to what it takes to rock her boat. She might even draw you a diagram. None of this up all night stuff either. Older women have careers not just jobs. They want to be in bed and asleep by a certain time. They look at sex as a mission get in, get out and be in bed asleep before 11pm on a weeknight. <br />
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<span style="color: black; font-size: large;"><strong><u>Now onto the fellas...</u></strong></span><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgs2z2Z7I-9CHQrJDpBpgoFhYF2bNAEIhiDajSxSJLjHiJEGhrBz3Q23UmWQIHrcS5tZ454EDWAUEOP4PHWSgg2yIJnV2wEnx-x2r9kUg_JnFVLEeoqDZjGVyu-cfv_mM-ptJ6Mq6z1AVyC/s1600/IMG_120509136691838.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgs2z2Z7I-9CHQrJDpBpgoFhYF2bNAEIhiDajSxSJLjHiJEGhrBz3Q23UmWQIHrcS5tZ454EDWAUEOP4PHWSgg2yIJnV2wEnx-x2r9kUg_JnFVLEeoqDZjGVyu-cfv_mM-ptJ6Mq6z1AVyC/s1600/IMG_120509136691838.jpeg" height="320" width="273" /></a><span style="color: blue;"><u><strong>How to write a profile</strong></u> </span>- So my first piece of advice is on how to write your profile especially in the "About you" section. <br />
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1. Don't start it with the old "I'm not good at talking about myself" line. We all know if you get a beer in you suddenly you turn into the equivalent of Al Bundy and talk about the time you scored 4 touchdowns in one game in high school. Your over 30 now and you make noise both sitting down and getting up from the couch. No woman is getting damp thinking she might get to wear your letterman jacket anymore.<br />
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2. Use full sentences and proper grammar. Periods, comma's and question marks. Ebonics is dead and you are more than likely not "hood" so go ahead and tap that spell check button and stop ending words that end in s with z. Also this should be a place to say something about who you are. So unless you are only worthy or 2 sentences, here is a great place to be descriptive.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiKC25vHuYgWYRaGu6JA3_vPcm4EilSDKrzJy6N9wZuJB480uICFpXOngktRIocJ74oxBbPsAUrz6omjYNu5s203FoKD5Ba-38hWBKhOI4gJzGJ1vpuONESwG3Y8RjK1V62S4q4F2PfewJ-/s1600/IMG_120521784045426.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiKC25vHuYgWYRaGu6JA3_vPcm4EilSDKrzJy6N9wZuJB480uICFpXOngktRIocJ74oxBbPsAUrz6omjYNu5s203FoKD5Ba-38hWBKhOI4gJzGJ1vpuONESwG3Y8RjK1V62S4q4F2PfewJ-/s1600/IMG_120521784045426.jpeg" height="400" width="223" /></a>3. Ask a woman what she wants in a man and 8 out of 10 times she will come back with the following words: smart, funny, honest, successful and real. So keep this in mind when you are writing your profile. Inject some humor, try your best to sound intelligent and definitely keep it real. I feel like the Wizard of Oz here when I say that being smart doesn't mean you necessarily need to have a degree but be up on current affairs and be able to have an opinion on them. Need a little help in that department? You will be surprised what you can learn from NPR while riding in the car. The same way being funny doesn't mean you need to be a clown (they are creepy.) Just smile and don't take your self to seriously. <br />
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<strong><u><em><span style="color: blue;">Time to grow up</span></em></u></strong> - With the chances being slim to none and none getting ready to leave town on the possibility of a budding rap career. Jay Z is more than likely not going to be calling anytime soon so feel free to pull up your pants and match your shoes to your belt instead of matching your shoes to your flat brim hat. Something that turns a real woman on is a man with a career. NOT just a job but a CAREER! Here is a list of things that change with dating over 30: <br />
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<u><strong>Under 30</strong></u> <u><strong>Over 30</strong></u><br />
Being captain of the football team = Well funded 401k<br />
Cool Car = Reliable car with great gas mileage<br />
Motorcycle (crotch rocket) = Motorcycle (Harley Davidson) = big vibrator on wheels<br />
Polo/ Drakkar Noir Cologne = Clean clothes (owns a washer/dryer) <br />
Car sound system with sweet bass. = Having all your own white teeth<br />
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Get the picture? What was important at 20 is of little use to a 30+ woman. <br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgtTYEs_b1LyG6ZlvVq9tYH4PoKyPQTgxs5YsJLvwebx20vXkequ0xaIOvg8uDv-WZW9sMsQYmhdal0mvRA3Ko5Pm2BD_lTxLTcI_pSeUIU2pUh_4f997BjbtPrkAFXA8T1uOkwn-vHFvA2/s1600/IMG_120552706260150.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgtTYEs_b1LyG6ZlvVq9tYH4PoKyPQTgxs5YsJLvwebx20vXkequ0xaIOvg8uDv-WZW9sMsQYmhdal0mvRA3Ko5Pm2BD_lTxLTcI_pSeUIU2pUh_4f997BjbtPrkAFXA8T1uOkwn-vHFvA2/s1600/IMG_120552706260150.jpeg" height="400" width="225" /></a><span style="color: blue;"><strong><em><u>Picture time</u></em></strong></span> - Guys I realize you grew up flexing in a mirror because your mom or dad told you are handsome. However, stop with the pictures of your half naked body you monkey! It looks pathetic and desperate. If you are looking for a serious relationship it will not come from a selfie of your naked chest. Ain't no one want to see that! And please no pictures of your junk. Seriously! Let's face it a man's package compared to a woman looks ridiculous. The vagina is such a nice looking package all folded nicely into itself waiting to be peeled back to reveal a beautiful flower. It's self cleaning and pink on the inside. Now look down at your pecker. It looks like God had 10 minutes left before he had a long weekend off from work, was out of ideas and limited supplies. A penis when not aroused looks less like a proud soldier and more like a disabled vet sitting on two old duffle bags. <br />
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<strong><em><u><span style="color: blue;">R-E-S-P-E-C-T!</span></u></em></strong> - Believe it or not the pictures here are completely real and are screen shots sent to me by female friends of mine. I have 2 daughters and the very sight of these messages makes me want to buy a stronger gun and another shovel to burry the guys that speak to them like this in my backyard. Here is a great idea next time you go to send a woman a message think first if your mother were to ever read this would she bitch slap you? If the answer is even a remote possibly of yes then tap the delete key <br />
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<div style="text-align: right;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgxj0-t5wSveMSwvwWHIMqEw-G3nrea5Tf6DJ6Q2rWCcm02YssVuL_9bS1iY8cbbD8T4CoqzdE37HNYBq0to_i0EUrBbBlwn-G9JH2U-ZcLd60SkvYfK-i3pUbT2YtRpFTMEug-FmMv9pKb/s1600/IMG_8701317675193.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgxj0-t5wSveMSwvwWHIMqEw-G3nrea5Tf6DJ6Q2rWCcm02YssVuL_9bS1iY8cbbD8T4CoqzdE37HNYBq0to_i0EUrBbBlwn-G9JH2U-ZcLd60SkvYfK-i3pUbT2YtRpFTMEug-FmMv9pKb/s1600/IMG_8701317675193.jpeg" height="400" width="225" /></a></div>
till you're back to square one. <br />
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Top 10 ways NOT to start a conversation with a woman.<br />
1. Hey wanna hook up<br />
2. I love you and would love to spend the rest of my life with you<br />
3. What would it take to wake up next to that profile picture of yours. <br />
4. You should let me have you. <br />
5. Nice boobs. <br />
6. The Lord has brought us together.<br />
7. Wanna hook up?<br />
8. Your hot. <br />
9. I have 9 inches and a car. <br />
10. Can I see your feet?<br />
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Try this instead: <br />
Hi my name is... <br />
1. I read your profile and I saw you like ... (this shows that you actually have interest and read what she had to say) <br />
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So that's it! Now to put a big shiny bow on this posting. I hoped some of this helped some of you. I wish you all nothing but the best weather you are in a relationship or out there trying to find the right certain someone for you. My youngest daughter got flowers and a bracelet from a boy in her school today and she is all a flutter. I hope you and I are able to feel exactly what she is feeling today... I'm off to the gun store and then to dig a hole should this little boy ever break her heart. Then go join Match.com.<br />
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: left;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj3Y61Qao54lefL7kNoNq7g8SuyQD5jjgMmAbJS57WZQNp39kYX7F9ATQhfsn8lcbjUsTjuoiFysGwLpUJMJYuogSgwkVNLJUyeQTKdLwmg9GtCmtmAmlGfgURue_-VVn-hG-gYEWyYv5LS/s1600/Screenshot_2014-11-11-21-02-21.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj3Y61Qao54lefL7kNoNq7g8SuyQD5jjgMmAbJS57WZQNp39kYX7F9ATQhfsn8lcbjUsTjuoiFysGwLpUJMJYuogSgwkVNLJUyeQTKdLwmg9GtCmtmAmlGfgURue_-VVn-hG-gYEWyYv5LS/s1600/Screenshot_2014-11-11-21-02-21.png" height="320" width="180" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Hair gone wild!</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
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<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="color: yellow; font-size: x-large;"><strong><em></em></strong></span><br />
<span style="color: yellow; font-size: x-large;"><strong><em>Cheers!</em></strong></span><br />
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<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; text-align: left;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhDR4Undh4OgIeY7SwuKtegpf91hxqgbrC7L1mvP3JARw2JbvA3-n8quGUPnV_05GhCJdYsNvZchBNANDDBCxonnSO6uhGoILaZufLHWNjchk5FNGrZyHCC9FBE1Ex5tcn_xEnClRFwEuGR/s1600/Screenshot_2013-12-26-23-05-10.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhDR4Undh4OgIeY7SwuKtegpf91hxqgbrC7L1mvP3JARw2JbvA3-n8quGUPnV_05GhCJdYsNvZchBNANDDBCxonnSO6uhGoILaZufLHWNjchk5FNGrZyHCC9FBE1Ex5tcn_xEnClRFwEuGR/s1600/Screenshot_2013-12-26-23-05-10.png" height="320" width="180" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Mommy jeans wedgie.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjgT-nS9KGc9drwh78mVsu74ASNFY4OTLcQPQmZr4jGP-Yblj76s9C2vmOg5XK9Y19DgnUovompQ6whJCZQ6wKpCArk-dQ_QY7bRBrB3LSrq-wlqBs8emJhkI27N16Er1Zu3MiPunGx_4b4/s1600/Screenshot_2014-11-10-16-37-08.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjgT-nS9KGc9drwh78mVsu74ASNFY4OTLcQPQmZr4jGP-Yblj76s9C2vmOg5XK9Y19DgnUovompQ6whJCZQ6wKpCArk-dQ_QY7bRBrB3LSrq-wlqBs8emJhkI27N16Er1Zu3MiPunGx_4b4/s1600/Screenshot_2014-11-10-16-37-08.png" height="320" width="180" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Looking for a "serious relationship."</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<span style="color: #444444;"><em>For your enjoyment, here are a few more of the profile pictures I encountered. Keep in mind these are meant to be a great first impression.</em></span><br />
<strong><em><span style="color: yellow; font-size: x-large;"></span></em></strong><br />
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<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiE5XPjXSa7ZZo53CoWi1MXYNovg8ho6_zJXcYIsa861eT6xUtez9ZvyW2rm_Rh2cu4Q7ujS5FX9POsUGaLCTA639g0YgFzs-RlpBKMGL6G4yIu2K77QLiigzhSZa4VIofuXqa2mjCOnKeM/s1600/Screenshot_2014-11-11-21-05-20.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiE5XPjXSa7ZZo53CoWi1MXYNovg8ho6_zJXcYIsa861eT6xUtez9ZvyW2rm_Rh2cu4Q7ujS5FX9POsUGaLCTA639g0YgFzs-RlpBKMGL6G4yIu2K77QLiigzhSZa4VIofuXqa2mjCOnKeM/s1600/Screenshot_2014-11-11-21-05-20.png" height="320" width="180" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Even the dog wants to get away!</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi266Pu5HOqVRERJ-auRGFD-HqOQ0VNtObOH17GoS9TLIclKTX-3G-WAbYJZqCyPdmwK2D-F1rpbXJh0DbBQjF1sdSGlWnw5n3aYB7ygoz_2w_3aX-z2Rt5iKmEITuDHcySenj2aOnBNpcS/s1600/Screenshot_2014-11-12-16-15-52.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi266Pu5HOqVRERJ-auRGFD-HqOQ0VNtObOH17GoS9TLIclKTX-3G-WAbYJZqCyPdmwK2D-F1rpbXJh0DbBQjF1sdSGlWnw5n3aYB7ygoz_2w_3aX-z2Rt5iKmEITuDHcySenj2aOnBNpcS/s1600/Screenshot_2014-11-12-16-15-52.png" height="320" width="180" /></a><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi0ArlZhAqVlqa2s15rnYErum5Okv9JsLZWDy3cVFdtf1B8v59V5yEvbyKveC04II9JeHVCRxMsViDARGk8iqDuwz7VrYxeyBtnVCRztokUqynw0ESeUC3_ZSA8yj7MudUgKBHYtGlZbJKc/s1600/Screenshot_2014-11-12-16-16-06.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi0ArlZhAqVlqa2s15rnYErum5Okv9JsLZWDy3cVFdtf1B8v59V5yEvbyKveC04II9JeHVCRxMsViDARGk8iqDuwz7VrYxeyBtnVCRztokUqynw0ESeUC3_ZSA8yj7MudUgKBHYtGlZbJKc/s1600/Screenshot_2014-11-12-16-16-06.png" height="320" width="180" /></a></div>
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<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgcmFdmpuKe3fyQ298SygIP-DTgn-fVr_Qi4ta5ofZ44oj0puEWWAnUyAsOAQmc6Tfujn89U_r0u3p8I7aYs4mkeLuelp6eRpNRvy-S4iDSg8BkKyP75mFz94T89i1AvtOvb8EUcZgVmP00/s1600/Screenshot_2014-11-12-16-21-42.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgcmFdmpuKe3fyQ298SygIP-DTgn-fVr_Qi4ta5ofZ44oj0puEWWAnUyAsOAQmc6Tfujn89U_r0u3p8I7aYs4mkeLuelp6eRpNRvy-S4iDSg8BkKyP75mFz94T89i1AvtOvb8EUcZgVmP00/s1600/Screenshot_2014-11-12-16-21-42.png" height="320" width="180" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">The 80's ROCKED!!!</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
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<div style="text-align: right;">
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhBcrga2DVUIBfqFjRnndSOeZDp3qJRgfm0EOAublX_7bB6OVowYEgshb-I6bd4wWT4aE3sf-AhIk09tbXCHpVV0MbKmWs9F9ROMRyf-thRu-_hnz9E8dhDQsGCtsHL-QwwH2FyHldGXKIA/s1600/Screenshot_2014-11-12-16-26-35.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhBcrga2DVUIBfqFjRnndSOeZDp3qJRgfm0EOAublX_7bB6OVowYEgshb-I6bd4wWT4aE3sf-AhIk09tbXCHpVV0MbKmWs9F9ROMRyf-thRu-_hnz9E8dhDQsGCtsHL-QwwH2FyHldGXKIA/s1600/Screenshot_2014-11-12-16-26-35.png" height="320" width="180" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Look out she's going to twerk!</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjY1uJPJupy1x7ILEBYI_RdQJXPAL-Jb61HOL-II4Ci7xsxEax284RRxjSpZoktYRb17c7Wb4AF7NkasOx3rSUy2x-qT37racR1ekSA52oOmg7Ocm4qsOrTSLHu4MIEaN2aFcbJQUjvOidy/s1600/Screenshot_2014-11-12-16-28-19.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjY1uJPJupy1x7ILEBYI_RdQJXPAL-Jb61HOL-II4Ci7xsxEax284RRxjSpZoktYRb17c7Wb4AF7NkasOx3rSUy2x-qT37racR1ekSA52oOmg7Ocm4qsOrTSLHu4MIEaN2aFcbJQUjvOidy/s1600/Screenshot_2014-11-12-16-28-19.png" height="320" width="180" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Any place is a good place to be sexy!</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi2UY6DYbO5NjcJcLWEfYbGqpxktmslDk_y4y5dhAWcxQoK15YCsKl0HUK6V4d9i1-WoLNIufILkH4M6cwmAh-KgZqY9j6BMYi-BFMTSkt4MImAR_FlE3otEMNBX5DgH5hnm4bKyRLK08RL/s1600/Screenshot_2014-11-12-16-45-58.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi2UY6DYbO5NjcJcLWEfYbGqpxktmslDk_y4y5dhAWcxQoK15YCsKl0HUK6V4d9i1-WoLNIufILkH4M6cwmAh-KgZqY9j6BMYi-BFMTSkt4MImAR_FlE3otEMNBX5DgH5hnm4bKyRLK08RL/s1600/Screenshot_2014-11-12-16-45-58.png" height="320" width="180" /></a><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjnckn-aOVCHRxRm3rYBlFfWirdLUD0Bz_FjqYm6X8w_91nXp7z1Gn-cx-MtoGqhGfHP9cUNBF1B8Jo4OI8TwDoNx0LvQ88N6ck5WoQlSQAB7t6VlB3K44x5_kEcSg_ldoJ9W2jzeZN934Z/s1600/Screenshot_2014-11-12-16-48-19.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjnckn-aOVCHRxRm3rYBlFfWirdLUD0Bz_FjqYm6X8w_91nXp7z1Gn-cx-MtoGqhGfHP9cUNBF1B8Jo4OI8TwDoNx0LvQ88N6ck5WoQlSQAB7t6VlB3K44x5_kEcSg_ldoJ9W2jzeZN934Z/s1600/Screenshot_2014-11-12-16-48-19.png" height="320" width="180" /></a></div>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiDL2d4IRCE4c4ikzmPtYvNSWF29nKtvCtlDZ0Yv7X82XxChWUUsB2dZ9ejZViMbML8vmYehOGCg0gKwTwUA93WEMgdMo85ldr4A-H6yGZ5t0WgH6uGPzd4dm2WEDomaM9_j3ltBbANr0wa/s1600/Screenshot_2014-11-12-16-50-33.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiDL2d4IRCE4c4ikzmPtYvNSWF29nKtvCtlDZ0Yv7X82XxChWUUsB2dZ9ejZViMbML8vmYehOGCg0gKwTwUA93WEMgdMo85ldr4A-H6yGZ5t0WgH6uGPzd4dm2WEDomaM9_j3ltBbANr0wa/s1600/Screenshot_2014-11-12-16-50-33.png" height="320" width="180" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Another dude just looking for love.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjFgMscCMMNLKi964ViJrix0cuUHTCguSVEvIpGQ64cgfS33UZ4PPD4PaxAN8RZapyTNKrh3xCdVpb_-fIuCOmXhf3A1o2gwAYbywMlZBfrt0UNpXBN5J_2KUp3NPIP4DRXiim0jj3Ey-2F/s1600/Screenshot_2014-11-12-16-50-06.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjFgMscCMMNLKi964ViJrix0cuUHTCguSVEvIpGQ64cgfS33UZ4PPD4PaxAN8RZapyTNKrh3xCdVpb_-fIuCOmXhf3A1o2gwAYbywMlZBfrt0UNpXBN5J_2KUp3NPIP4DRXiim0jj3Ey-2F/s1600/Screenshot_2014-11-12-16-50-06.png" height="320" width="180" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">"If you're looking for just a hook-up move along."</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiveoPjiP-TbphdU7quDAwdQe3wzwZSN1-reM2Xfqgz3z0qgWvwukIsvol1ucUErob_cI41j8Gyom5Cbk61mTw1PH5zd6fiFmwI9Ts3AibgP-LeQ24nIU8MMJizs0M6ynpQeuwiL1K0tsgP/s1600/Screenshot_2014-11-12-16-51-14.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiveoPjiP-TbphdU7quDAwdQe3wzwZSN1-reM2Xfqgz3z0qgWvwukIsvol1ucUErob_cI41j8Gyom5Cbk61mTw1PH5zd6fiFmwI9Ts3AibgP-LeQ24nIU8MMJizs0M6ynpQeuwiL1K0tsgP/s1600/Screenshot_2014-11-12-16-51-14.png" height="320" width="180" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Let her up before she suffocates on her cleavage!</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
<br />
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhYS9O0IZn8LzUUDcsdGWyr3YxFm93Xs2y49tnBqQr70Hus_SmJyGiCsZsZ5IdC9OCn-Lij-Z_tKEwSjs157sLCBvOP9TE13N2vpohecvFMp2mOCpuX_OW1Ehde6HSeU9LeFA7ojOnzAzx2/s1600/Screenshot_2014-11-12-16-54-57.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhYS9O0IZn8LzUUDcsdGWyr3YxFm93Xs2y49tnBqQr70Hus_SmJyGiCsZsZ5IdC9OCn-Lij-Z_tKEwSjs157sLCBvOP9TE13N2vpohecvFMp2mOCpuX_OW1Ehde6HSeU9LeFA7ojOnzAzx2/s1600/Screenshot_2014-11-12-16-54-57.png" height="320" width="180" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">She just blew a Smurf.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiRzLNmn5eK_olMKCgZwrw_1wJS8YYD_GeM6w9LIYK13aOBNXlVhBwbOkDnchEO1_6ZRfvTEv2w3vRJhi6CJS9aQzIHuVyFslZ5Mgxd2Etgqke73z03VEKuixccWNRUFnBc9-Ay3YaXLFec/s1600/Screenshot_2014-11-12-16-53-25.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiRzLNmn5eK_olMKCgZwrw_1wJS8YYD_GeM6w9LIYK13aOBNXlVhBwbOkDnchEO1_6ZRfvTEv2w3vRJhi6CJS9aQzIHuVyFslZ5Mgxd2Etgqke73z03VEKuixccWNRUFnBc9-Ay3YaXLFec/s1600/Screenshot_2014-11-12-16-53-25.png" height="320" width="180" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">This is a dude!</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
<br />
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjshytjybqSbgJk5I80Fkam5g6X7z6PHSv5jHmsyd1vowVnseQqlnXrcTDj4HdqleOijNYw2Z893X93MT_ssCRcnDv-yyxeJS0YX5ml0V9fypo0kCxbbCXUowgV4EI76QLJyOxJnewwzcFb/s1600/Screenshot_2014-11-12-16-55-38.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjshytjybqSbgJk5I80Fkam5g6X7z6PHSv5jHmsyd1vowVnseQqlnXrcTDj4HdqleOijNYw2Z893X93MT_ssCRcnDv-yyxeJS0YX5ml0V9fypo0kCxbbCXUowgV4EI76QLJyOxJnewwzcFb/s1600/Screenshot_2014-11-12-16-55-38.png" height="320" width="180" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">No clue what she is looking for but she has my attention!</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgc-oqwjOp-eV9__z3V8A0TzpvB2m1eVaj3F5dzMdYJmvrIeE_DOKVizULqlDqPsyyMt75Pgq2iqgpzh9wgM4_Mf8ydNvEECzipQqcgAe1DjzUkgepNyTlA6TvFqIW_hNxE3Y55gKRXVYuE/s1600/Screenshot_2014-11-12-16-57-29.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgc-oqwjOp-eV9__z3V8A0TzpvB2m1eVaj3F5dzMdYJmvrIeE_DOKVizULqlDqPsyyMt75Pgq2iqgpzh9wgM4_Mf8ydNvEECzipQqcgAe1DjzUkgepNyTlA6TvFqIW_hNxE3Y55gKRXVYuE/s1600/Screenshot_2014-11-12-16-57-29.png" height="320" width="180" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">A cougar and a tiger.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhyW9ivPUPVDgZxLZIpU24xND9-3_Fn0wqbqVAkFKCqb-eotvjBQhg52SJVugS93GVOjdEaOliQyHNPyHlErxjrqQXQr0MwaV9_FS6HhjMt6B-KNoIW9hyd0j4xYlD_PJbsV6px5fLsf22P/s1600/Screenshot_2014-11-12-17-00-20.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhyW9ivPUPVDgZxLZIpU24xND9-3_Fn0wqbqVAkFKCqb-eotvjBQhg52SJVugS93GVOjdEaOliQyHNPyHlErxjrqQXQr0MwaV9_FS6HhjMt6B-KNoIW9hyd0j4xYlD_PJbsV6px5fLsf22P/s1600/Screenshot_2014-11-12-17-00-20.png" height="320" width="180" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Twerk contestants please come to the main stage!</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgkttgRzO5_YN3hlX0sxSpxunQYyr_n04rebUbtepPSpazLCIRd9rFxmaBOmWCQYpIQPMN3KMZF1OdZhCEI5JzaTLumYLusXP9mXISGCL_JFTFKh8ktBhwpz0MqunJSYqWSv3LcTebkwDsb/s1600/Screenshot_2014-11-12-17-01-28.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgkttgRzO5_YN3hlX0sxSpxunQYyr_n04rebUbtepPSpazLCIRd9rFxmaBOmWCQYpIQPMN3KMZF1OdZhCEI5JzaTLumYLusXP9mXISGCL_JFTFKh8ktBhwpz0MqunJSYqWSv3LcTebkwDsb/s1600/Screenshot_2014-11-12-17-01-28.png" height="320" width="180" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">This is one hell of a tuck job.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgWqSYvDbrzVaB5KYx_eG6NAKD1ADsSbjzpii06_6u-PdZEW3W1wEAwGU-1JdITd_k3XGjyJmrTQn3jspq3HXViKc6cIX-AU5lNl5EB8CSvSVKEEwtA3tLJ4dm3-rz0_oiXXwSZcmdNEOw8/s1600/Screenshot_2014-11-12-17-04-10.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgWqSYvDbrzVaB5KYx_eG6NAKD1ADsSbjzpii06_6u-PdZEW3W1wEAwGU-1JdITd_k3XGjyJmrTQn3jspq3HXViKc6cIX-AU5lNl5EB8CSvSVKEEwtA3tLJ4dm3-rz0_oiXXwSZcmdNEOw8/s1600/Screenshot_2014-11-12-17-04-10.png" height="320" width="180" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Her poon lives in a gated community.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgQun9S5nPhN_jjcw-PBmgDhm_XjDqOG6oTsaG5jQMAAqG9R49-APCX2w8FIKk7ZE3HXLLnCHTGCRVWRRUNEO5xztqzEP9NTbuV5Na7FUgb84WtCt5zfCmxtmYkZ6c5ALnSYkh7Q3gMAKTk/s1600/Screenshot_2014-11-12-17-09-33.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgQun9S5nPhN_jjcw-PBmgDhm_XjDqOG6oTsaG5jQMAAqG9R49-APCX2w8FIKk7ZE3HXLLnCHTGCRVWRRUNEO5xztqzEP9NTbuV5Na7FUgb84WtCt5zfCmxtmYkZ6c5ALnSYkh7Q3gMAKTk/s1600/Screenshot_2014-11-12-17-09-33.png" height="320" width="180" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Ma'am your boob is slipping out!</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiNgi_HKg22VyxiCFVHQTjkZnyRWtEzOtb3PP-AFZ22JyUDafHv7lspfhnCEiOSl0rAXBmoHIBx-ki0QIKEPM3ODWrsjwDa3thPGq68TgSXxZ8cr50BzANYjK6D6gd8NfUaF21tb6Qi48-P/s1600/Screenshot_2014-11-12-17-12-46.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiNgi_HKg22VyxiCFVHQTjkZnyRWtEzOtb3PP-AFZ22JyUDafHv7lspfhnCEiOSl0rAXBmoHIBx-ki0QIKEPM3ODWrsjwDa3thPGq68TgSXxZ8cr50BzANYjK6D6gd8NfUaF21tb6Qi48-P/s1600/Screenshot_2014-11-12-17-12-46.png" height="320" width="180" /></a></div>
<br />
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiJcGv0dmsAVQnp3rTsGSrw7_Q4AO6iXwoz65RpFVaXyMLgTFlQBfRW71CGO1pCA3y2513QRi_Xo77cFdkiblfL6XVNFO1ItYXT685taI-V3W-Y07Y0Z_qa18jLviktPEqDeDPWOjNuuJHn/s1600/Screenshot_2014-11-12-18-44-49.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiJcGv0dmsAVQnp3rTsGSrw7_Q4AO6iXwoz65RpFVaXyMLgTFlQBfRW71CGO1pCA3y2513QRi_Xo77cFdkiblfL6XVNFO1ItYXT685taI-V3W-Y07Y0Z_qa18jLviktPEqDeDPWOjNuuJHn/s1600/Screenshot_2014-11-12-18-44-49.png" height="320" width="180" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Her electric razor has a bag catcher. </td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiXbmGPAUzWUFdn0oSrd1K98njqyZFJqEyiTZsZ3ODBwJQsGqS_ACQO8Emh5UPs2DN0k9FqrFhzaj3il8JVz9Z2ddvin_eof-jYdb2Wr-X39KeaQvfbL-9yF1ynWC5anSGC4f-nahwUDASE/s1600/Screenshot_2014-11-12-19-03-28.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiXbmGPAUzWUFdn0oSrd1K98njqyZFJqEyiTZsZ3ODBwJQsGqS_ACQO8Emh5UPs2DN0k9FqrFhzaj3il8JVz9Z2ddvin_eof-jYdb2Wr-X39KeaQvfbL-9yF1ynWC5anSGC4f-nahwUDASE/s1600/Screenshot_2014-11-12-19-03-28.png" height="320" width="180" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Stick your backside in and shake it all about!<br />
</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjGhD8vZBW08pyajA9PJgRhPZMsVYab-lOBQf0ruUM1yFU4WPPuHLcl_f5Zw3pzRt7nsWTRcRMxxEMnYORzRoBM4tupr3-Ia2HHPQcbksqwA7mKgNDA_dRK0VUF6JylKaOwT23CCk7Ru1Mb/s1600/Screenshot_2014-11-12-19-04-15.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjGhD8vZBW08pyajA9PJgRhPZMsVYab-lOBQf0ruUM1yFU4WPPuHLcl_f5Zw3pzRt7nsWTRcRMxxEMnYORzRoBM4tupr3-Ia2HHPQcbksqwA7mKgNDA_dRK0VUF6JylKaOwT23CCk7Ru1Mb/s1600/Screenshot_2014-11-12-19-04-15.png" height="320" width="180" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Send me the video of how this turns out!</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh1gnYW7mgx_ro-T0J5ZQ9bQugTNzaScYC3SI6z98wt_wZ3C2nD3yuxKoanIP2TyZBtI6oY2mB6U7JpvoJQy8-YEvGlPoU8_VcAB3-qscwJVffbrPjBHK4nM1rihu2pCImXDoq6_R5fR7Zv/s1600/Screenshot_2014-11-12-19-05-31.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh1gnYW7mgx_ro-T0J5ZQ9bQugTNzaScYC3SI6z98wt_wZ3C2nD3yuxKoanIP2TyZBtI6oY2mB6U7JpvoJQy8-YEvGlPoU8_VcAB3-qscwJVffbrPjBHK4nM1rihu2pCImXDoq6_R5fR7Zv/s1600/Screenshot_2014-11-12-19-05-31.png" height="320" width="180" /></a><br />
</td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Step away from the spray tanner!</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhBtVvTLyqwLts9MS12sHGJDXEabG-PSejXiw6qAuQHKDNChWBPMc4-B8FdXszNzPE49QRxrmVnZg-xdXdI-kZrbuOlCgT4wBz-KXA4otERNznlJ4JY5IQXJvWtXShxP3nhC-XeeV5HRSrV/s1600/Screenshot_2014-11-13-09-25-17.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhBtVvTLyqwLts9MS12sHGJDXEabG-PSejXiw6qAuQHKDNChWBPMc4-B8FdXszNzPE49QRxrmVnZg-xdXdI-kZrbuOlCgT4wBz-KXA4otERNznlJ4JY5IQXJvWtXShxP3nhC-XeeV5HRSrV/s1600/Screenshot_2014-11-13-09-25-17.png" height="320" width="180" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Role model FAIL!</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
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<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhuM6vvEGiro6kQeSCU4pY_ZnHEIGUB-KksQRw2HoxIUVbrYZa9qGHTJXwaiyyWvlkB-q1jKqZTzVhUVDZgPp10AkW9l-gEQRGfQ0SE0LxJzJjkqCLtx73hGfYny1y0-FoTbDGF2tYhI4Od/s1600/Screenshot_2014-11-12-19-19-21.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhuM6vvEGiro6kQeSCU4pY_ZnHEIGUB-KksQRw2HoxIUVbrYZa9qGHTJXwaiyyWvlkB-q1jKqZTzVhUVDZgPp10AkW9l-gEQRGfQ0SE0LxJzJjkqCLtx73hGfYny1y0-FoTbDGF2tYhI4Od/s1600/Screenshot_2014-11-12-19-19-21.png" height="320" width="180" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Mickey has an erection!</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh1Yq9QxWhvXYqFtcV76eQBcpdUpExwXpkT548PMdzmm8Yn_LwONYBa_vJ1P3FZvwTPKR9rYKFTR_CDBbB1NCuE0z7VZb7ROm0ex593mSDJa6bdn_jqFFpQ_ozkYX7qxUmXqaVuJbW0ncbC/s1600/Screenshot_2014-11-13-09-35-36.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh1Yq9QxWhvXYqFtcV76eQBcpdUpExwXpkT548PMdzmm8Yn_LwONYBa_vJ1P3FZvwTPKR9rYKFTR_CDBbB1NCuE0z7VZb7ROm0ex593mSDJa6bdn_jqFFpQ_ozkYX7qxUmXqaVuJbW0ncbC/s1600/Screenshot_2014-11-13-09-35-36.png" height="320" width="180" /></a></div>
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<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgV-MVGPHD5BSgYDwVwxEO5-7QHo7V0B2QWwgcyMMS8YzlE5G1_GNFUNGuMMq2zeSneA04tjpuaY6WY62ORuMOyytPntIasTRpxaQUIpIVI-cXIBzdukMSVbBQmIhPfUmz-k-Auk7lsqG1M/s1600/Screenshot_2014-11-13-09-53-12.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgV-MVGPHD5BSgYDwVwxEO5-7QHo7V0B2QWwgcyMMS8YzlE5G1_GNFUNGuMMq2zeSneA04tjpuaY6WY62ORuMOyytPntIasTRpxaQUIpIVI-cXIBzdukMSVbBQmIhPfUmz-k-Auk7lsqG1M/s1600/Screenshot_2014-11-13-09-53-12.png" height="320" width="180" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Mimi</td></tr>
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<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjzDKVd1hSYfz3bhX1QaQB7XF6o9vt9ztXP7bIDWx_81UutBq0yRCLJLoXlMPXAO8KnFt2saZtCQEP-6XmNBUUVMy-1j-8-EUGliTFM5VONfQQ1bphGvaMGA27uKZSBfgBJOx37evKltVvI/s1600/Screenshot_2014-11-13-09-54-53.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjzDKVd1hSYfz3bhX1QaQB7XF6o9vt9ztXP7bIDWx_81UutBq0yRCLJLoXlMPXAO8KnFt2saZtCQEP-6XmNBUUVMy-1j-8-EUGliTFM5VONfQQ1bphGvaMGA27uKZSBfgBJOx37evKltVvI/s1600/Screenshot_2014-11-13-09-54-53.png" height="320" width="180" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Just sitting around doing some thinking.</td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjmgKqSftNT19bNeky4Y6-t7LwhujxeSHyc69epWs_DAAGhbAfPeOo3a7SKdSgWyb6-_815h-uENfFW7rKBD96Gt-86X9OKTWlAIii-A673Uf33YHp-za4KtuJSY_0mbbAODNBaAapTlBSi/s1600/Screenshot_2014-11-13-10-02-06.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjmgKqSftNT19bNeky4Y6-t7LwhujxeSHyc69epWs_DAAGhbAfPeOo3a7SKdSgWyb6-_815h-uENfFW7rKBD96Gt-86X9OKTWlAIii-A673Uf33YHp-za4KtuJSY_0mbbAODNBaAapTlBSi/s1600/Screenshot_2014-11-13-10-02-06.png" height="320" width="180" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Wanna hangout? NO!</td></tr>
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<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhBqCHfrrpP-bYArNj_Eo6-WARX2S8KaIcmaQiF7NmUeE_DM1Z5OFKHWE-DeXGS_JNnfuH9u62faj57WvVucWO0G8obxvh3wy70PjEYqQkZG1pma-l0B6qaPbTrVvmjsNv8BvW5xdG8MOYY/s1600/Screenshot_2014-11-13-12-49-39.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhBqCHfrrpP-bYArNj_Eo6-WARX2S8KaIcmaQiF7NmUeE_DM1Z5OFKHWE-DeXGS_JNnfuH9u62faj57WvVucWO0G8obxvh3wy70PjEYqQkZG1pma-l0B6qaPbTrVvmjsNv8BvW5xdG8MOYY/s1600/Screenshot_2014-11-13-12-49-39.png" height="320" width="180" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">That could not been what Jesus meant. </td></tr>
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<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi_pmZIJr15HRElTlMmgz85jqwoOaQFAbOHI_oD4-grFEv_zFQ_GLkc1YJKfpmAyLFaJ6Db6mvJf1TMkyVOkYlHJF8pj3hkBHv8BzhP4rn2eGiXrLDSqJnL0vw11PJKG81jirSaouxRYmqE/s1600/Screenshot_2014-11-13-12-55-06.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi_pmZIJr15HRElTlMmgz85jqwoOaQFAbOHI_oD4-grFEv_zFQ_GLkc1YJKfpmAyLFaJ6Db6mvJf1TMkyVOkYlHJF8pj3hkBHv8BzhP4rn2eGiXrLDSqJnL0vw11PJKG81jirSaouxRYmqE/s1600/Screenshot_2014-11-13-12-55-06.png" height="320" width="180" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Why the bridge?</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjwj3uG1HIM7F4d3APc-2PmtVyK43yuTCu5VqksWnc-eAxQsw9R_BkmvXNtEiQb2JaW6deIa8WtyGLIapwVo2fnRURYtUioWBWpcWde9bimnYWrITJdlAcpUhMDkZSZfVm7OHr3Mxdgp1u7/s1600/Screenshot_2014-11-20-17-04-08.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjwj3uG1HIM7F4d3APc-2PmtVyK43yuTCu5VqksWnc-eAxQsw9R_BkmvXNtEiQb2JaW6deIa8WtyGLIapwVo2fnRURYtUioWBWpcWde9bimnYWrITJdlAcpUhMDkZSZfVm7OHr3Mxdgp1u7/s1600/Screenshot_2014-11-20-17-04-08.png" height="320" width="180" /></a><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjQBMMqmXe5yqR_kvLAZlwPdVlMnvdOn8EerGMpMUWlsx2sXVShspSNo1wTLz1SJqu83ReboopAg5l8ajiupVBSekef4dH7GseatihV7tV_6OKbFjWVWyoKEwwu7o_SLwkU6B5OV3x7oKDs/s1600/Screenshot_2014-11-25-15-26-21.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjQBMMqmXe5yqR_kvLAZlwPdVlMnvdOn8EerGMpMUWlsx2sXVShspSNo1wTLz1SJqu83ReboopAg5l8ajiupVBSekef4dH7GseatihV7tV_6OKbFjWVWyoKEwwu7o_SLwkU6B5OV3x7oKDs/s1600/Screenshot_2014-11-25-15-26-21.png" height="320" width="180" /></a></div>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj9aJMF25jaPkEsJ3U5RYcYP-pVU2H6dqD-GuX1zLQ5boZ_N27Vo5ImHNr4PGf2lyQpWJzCaJeFQc5c-8KJfHbYWYiSEOvE5Iw1vN5lne__0D9xioF4T2Hx7rz3HGSmkwVl8LOOuvhg6X8P/s1600/Screenshot_2014-11-10-16-42-48.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj9aJMF25jaPkEsJ3U5RYcYP-pVU2H6dqD-GuX1zLQ5boZ_N27Vo5ImHNr4PGf2lyQpWJzCaJeFQc5c-8KJfHbYWYiSEOvE5Iw1vN5lne__0D9xioF4T2Hx7rz3HGSmkwVl8LOOuvhg6X8P/s1600/Screenshot_2014-11-10-16-42-48.png" height="320" width="180" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Doesn't care what you say she is a fucking princess!</td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhvas37jTR9-bF_BqMgcGz48Sedt2W-6UWkTVbKmv4Q5Op-f9k8bfzeKtIlEfrbYgucKBGuB0wb7rPz1S1AxGh6KunNsYbtYLaC1srsclsu4dlnJ991A88aXo6O9iXkAau_2s4Sx49blg-K/s1600/groucho.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhvas37jTR9-bF_BqMgcGz48Sedt2W-6UWkTVbKmv4Q5Op-f9k8bfzeKtIlEfrbYgucKBGuB0wb7rPz1S1AxGh6KunNsYbtYLaC1srsclsu4dlnJ991A88aXo6O9iXkAau_2s4Sx49blg-K/s1600/groucho.png" height="200" width="183" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Groucho Marx</td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjmyDWmuJXbb-tWki2711m4dlgSXMw8ppbTy4nzvWv49yfAVsxpUQc-t-snBsJrhgUZwjTcSfPSTzD-BSSkL7Z7w8I-oYg0AcXog5CZ-egjTennkTlxVepvYVdXDUlZw0PyL1iEFdFZnxwk/s1600/Screenshot_2014-11-12-19-06-59.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjmyDWmuJXbb-tWki2711m4dlgSXMw8ppbTy4nzvWv49yfAVsxpUQc-t-snBsJrhgUZwjTcSfPSTzD-BSSkL7Z7w8I-oYg0AcXog5CZ-egjTennkTlxVepvYVdXDUlZw0PyL1iEFdFZnxwk/s1600/Screenshot_2014-11-12-19-06-59.png" height="320" width="180" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">When Groucho does your eyebrows.</td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjAqviAv0khumi8YT9AN8F29ULzuRpvuFliAavet18okNU7-Q7GbDGZ9nnQp_f7iMTeWRHuEnTIqUWUdmc8kCMWHqaryHc59Ie3smQDtDB1kBvhYin2PAHPr9AJfugH5ILRGQeb-ABIrucc/s1600/Screenshot_2014-11-12-19-10-55.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjAqviAv0khumi8YT9AN8F29ULzuRpvuFliAavet18okNU7-Q7GbDGZ9nnQp_f7iMTeWRHuEnTIqUWUdmc8kCMWHqaryHc59Ie3smQDtDB1kBvhYin2PAHPr9AJfugH5ILRGQeb-ABIrucc/s1600/Screenshot_2014-11-12-19-10-55.png" height="320" width="180" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">So a duck goes into a tanning booth... Let me know if you have already heard this one. </td></tr>
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Good Times Charleyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07096645499497577447noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3336173229528452668.post-29195517889065690122014-12-11T22:06:00.005-05:002014-12-12T15:51:08.929-05:00Teach Them While You Can Reach Them<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjIQYBSWg7L3K9Ea_2s1zNbfgHbzHaDotgDP5RPp4m26vj7FeKqWSwuCSXTMXVxTARHgbRt87nKGs9HJBmPyHU6A6sfXjtMSFT3T9KywVPrBYmGsbeWvieoUC2pkw2fA1KG8vEP5qhuH6pL/s1600/10382169_764746320263905_1022438180187228264_n%5B1%5D.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjIQYBSWg7L3K9Ea_2s1zNbfgHbzHaDotgDP5RPp4m26vj7FeKqWSwuCSXTMXVxTARHgbRt87nKGs9HJBmPyHU6A6sfXjtMSFT3T9KywVPrBYmGsbeWvieoUC2pkw2fA1KG8vEP5qhuH6pL/s1600/10382169_764746320263905_1022438180187228264_n%5B1%5D.jpg" height="400" width="300" /></a></div>
<span style="color: #741b47; font-size: x-large;"><strong>T</strong></span>oday I was at the gym doing my best not to look 40. OK 41 but who is counting! When I walked in however I was sidetracked by a t-shirt the attendant was wearing. A white t-shirt with the message "Every 2 minutes another American is sexually assaulted." A strong statement that certainly got my attention. <br />
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As you may know it isn't often I get to serious here, so allow me a bit of leeway here for a moment. I grew up going to the Girls and Boys Club in my area. During the summer Mom and Dad had full time jobs and during the school year the club being an inner city club had the best basketball. The Boys and Girls Club taught me many lessons on and off the court. However one thing I remember most not only growing up around it and later being a referee in the club leagues was how NOT to treat a woman. I can remember vividly cringing every time a woman came into the gym or entered any room for that matter. The way these young women where addressed "Yo Ma!" "Hey Bitch" "Ho!" The teachers where too afraid to discipline the kids for fear of the family backlash and the mentors had been taught it was OK! <br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhXuGLj_rL3NXjpBwLZnYNRSQ5l4aUbf0IpfmhIZgy8ntUlmyg4GzpJs2x0gjehJHzfmFyu5cTlFIobGeuxFHz4G4FEXt72fjfg4F1uXHENBlvg1FQ6IKt0BH4m7IQEGNTUYNnweC5KYlEH/s1600/boys.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhXuGLj_rL3NXjpBwLZnYNRSQ5l4aUbf0IpfmhIZgy8ntUlmyg4GzpJs2x0gjehJHzfmFyu5cTlFIobGeuxFHz4G4FEXt72fjfg4F1uXHENBlvg1FQ6IKt0BH4m7IQEGNTUYNnweC5KYlEH/s1600/boys.png" height="79" width="320" /></a></div>
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I grew up knowing better. My parents would NEVER allow words like that to come out of my mouth. However Some parents let it slide and like most slippery slopes it always gets worse before it gets better. Before long I heard it in school and even in my own suburban neighborhood. I have 2 daughters and when it came time to find a after school program for them I was horrified to even be thinking about the Boys and Girls Club. <br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjksqQUMht8ntnpZDQ3KGdp7HaDEvgMnPRhzDPjkIaP4zwESwIwwtLgJOhoFTaY6KHX_GsW3-J682wmwMch52iHwQ8Hm-b5iZkDJVES3r9cQXR2DUajBfDzBPbKI1Vt7MAj8S0fhi-dcTn-/s1600/RAYRI.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjksqQUMht8ntnpZDQ3KGdp7HaDEvgMnPRhzDPjkIaP4zwESwIwwtLgJOhoFTaY6KHX_GsW3-J682wmwMch52iHwQ8Hm-b5iZkDJVES3r9cQXR2DUajBfDzBPbKI1Vt7MAj8S0fhi-dcTn-/s1600/RAYRI.jpg" /></a>So here we are 2014 and you see all over the news stories about pro athletes assaulting their wives. You hear about sexual assault happening on college campuses around the nation and one day I am going to let me daughters attend one of these school. <br />
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But that shirt although horrible placement of the message! (Really across the breasts on a white T?!) I was amazed I even read the message! I am still a man that can appreciate a woman's figure though I hope I did it in a subtle and classy way... But that T-shirt represents something more. Schools are now having to go back and not only do damage control and say this behavior is not OK. Even better they are taking steps now in the middle and high schools even here in small cities such as Sanford, Maine. A blue collar town that could easily see itself on that same slippery slope. They are reaching these young men and women NOW! <br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjdH0hcQRk94T51MCszuf3tkCG31gPuzWOm3biHDt5Yj_w1RebEWUesWmTNdox3kvKiH9k-SYe5Krir1WefLduJ0Bkp6aqBnyKjtct8EOBVikKh7dszL9snrXhwxfDDKrNQnLz0_CHSuCWW/s1600/catcall.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjdH0hcQRk94T51MCszuf3tkCG31gPuzWOm3biHDt5Yj_w1RebEWUesWmTNdox3kvKiH9k-SYe5Krir1WefLduJ0Bkp6aqBnyKjtct8EOBVikKh7dszL9snrXhwxfDDKrNQnLz0_CHSuCWW/s1600/catcall.png" /></a>My point being this should have been done long ago. Long before the NFL had to make a player conduct policy when it comes to sexual assault and long before this became an epidemic. However as we know we are a reactive instead of a pro-active society. So only now are schools jumping on this and doing the job the parents should be doing at home. Do not leave this merely to the educators. Be a parent that cares. Be a parent that can see this problem from both sides of the coin and educate these kids before it is too late! <br />
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So for once I am going to say GREAT JOB to the schools that are making this a priority because it has absolutely no place in our society. This is an issue that needs to come to a halt and thank you for taking it head on. Preach to these kids no while you can. This is an alarming issue especially to me as a parent of two young women! This must stop!<br />
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<em><strong><span style="color: yellow; font-size: x-large;">Cheers!</span></strong></em> </div>
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Good Times Charleyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07096645499497577447noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3336173229528452668.post-54229038973465531632014-12-08T23:47:00.003-05:002014-12-12T15:51:26.992-05:00What the Hell Does He mean by That?<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<span style="color: #cc0000; font-size: x-large;"><strong>S</strong></span>peaking to one of my greatest friends Jenn today she was telling me about a guy that she was seeing in Northern Maine. For those of you that don't know much about the state of Maine allow me to educate you for a spell. <br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEivpIbdO4zL5zStkhXCc89FtyLH0wa6scJjKvTt3Fde1iKjXHHq1cVYDcysP2Ese2I5gYfo-5b4a5i0yqIbq6th1mYm40E9qtjUIQY8dhdr7g5-MDHl2III8a3VYhXn_fDJrtrC-BjQ3XG2/s1600/maine.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEivpIbdO4zL5zStkhXCc89FtyLH0wa6scJjKvTt3Fde1iKjXHHq1cVYDcysP2Ese2I5gYfo-5b4a5i0yqIbq6th1mYm40E9qtjUIQY8dhdr7g5-MDHl2III8a3VYhXn_fDJrtrC-BjQ3XG2/s1600/maine.jpg" height="124" width="200" /></a>You see Maine has a few parts to it. There is "Southern Maine" (where I live.) More that three quarters of the population lives in Southern portion. The southern portion is really anything from Portland to the New Hampshire boarder. <br />
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Then there is "Northern Maine" essentially anything from Portland to Bangor. This is where all the skiing is done as well. Or when you hear a "Mainer" say they are "going up to camp." They are generally headed to this section. <br />
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Then there is "Way the hell up there!" This is anything past Bangor to the North. People in this area typically speak both English and French due to being so close to Canada. There was a time when Maine was actually a territory of Massachusetts. There is a bill on the floor of the house to this day to rename and give controlling power of "Way the hell up there" back to the Commonwealth of Massachusetts. The citizens of Southern Maine from what I can tell don't really give a shit if it is given back to the "Mass-holes" or made part of Canada. For all we care it is a lot less grass our state government has to have mowed during the 5 days of warm weather we call "Summah" (summer.)<br />
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Back to my conversation with Jenn... She has gone out with a guy from Northern Maine a couple times. Each time he comes down to our neck of the woods here in Southern Maine to see her where they meet up in rocking big city of Portland. After their latest tryst he asked her "are you dating anyone else?" She answered "no" and he responded with something along the lines of "good, then I would like to date you." Now Jenn in all fairness saw this as him wanting to take a step in a more serious direction.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjz32H-MCqW_BHXCAxd2ImkFyKiTEBRs7FBNXWOJVxJcc7SDoHrN4DCKrv6v4Gdw33pCdZUDkI3LXWM0vp6dTsupHmDVkwIWktG2QwS_3T3yIjB85jB6876yYMUDoiA4QnPxqsj2Fw2Uf_S/s1600/th2.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjz32H-MCqW_BHXCAxd2ImkFyKiTEBRs7FBNXWOJVxJcc7SDoHrN4DCKrv6v4Gdw33pCdZUDkI3LXWM0vp6dTsupHmDVkwIWktG2QwS_3T3yIjB85jB6876yYMUDoiA4QnPxqsj2Fw2Uf_S/s1600/th2.jpg" height="160" width="200" /></a></div>
The two are also friends on Facebook. Where this gentleman was tagged in a picture with a different woman of the two having dinner together. Jenn asked the guy very innocently "how was dinner the other night" and his response was to tell her that he was not about to give up his fiends and he should be allowed to have female fiends. She has never been to "way the hell up there" and she has never met any of his friends. <br />
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So what does he mean when he says "good, then I would like to date you." So with the understanding that I am probably going to have my "Man card" revoked for giving away secrets and decoding our secret language. I get the "what does he mean by this question often.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg18gh0pokQn2KuiAPpLOy15IB5qQyC28ZcUzN0QVcIOPs9OlZuLSSQpcFfrWUZyS_AeplBmc1VMaCdW4SMa7leXHAsE9Ld4AjvF6d1Nd9M3EOkx2gv0lV4WKeEtgAatY4e92yphAUivbC-/s1600/mcard.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg18gh0pokQn2KuiAPpLOy15IB5qQyC28ZcUzN0QVcIOPs9OlZuLSSQpcFfrWUZyS_AeplBmc1VMaCdW4SMa7leXHAsE9Ld4AjvF6d1Nd9M3EOkx2gv0lV4WKeEtgAatY4e92yphAUivbC-/s1600/mcard.png" /></a>After figuring out that she is not currently seeing anyone else and then saying he would like to date her is the equivalent of putting a bookmark in a book. You see ladies, us men don't want another man stretching out our pussy. Make no mistake about it he is not a boyfriend or even looking to be. She has never been to his house, met any of his friends and he has other side women "way the hell up there." Bottom line here is if you are "seeing other men" even the strongest man will have this in the back of his mind when we see you. We somehow think that if you aren't seeing other men then you are just sitting next to the stove waiting for our call or text. What we picture when we hear you are dating other guys too is similar to a orgy scene in a porn film. <br />
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If you truly want to see a mans insecurity come out then tell him that you are seeing a couple men. If he is serious about you then you will see the green streak of jealousy. If he is just looking for a hook up then he won't give a flying rats ass who you are seeing on the side because you are a side chick. <br />
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Finally, Chris Rock said it best. "If your boyfriend has never introduced you to any of his friends. Then you are not his girlfriend!" <br />
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Ladies, you are welcome. <br />
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<span style="color: yellow; font-size: x-large;"><strong><em>Cheers!</em></strong></span> </div>
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<br />Good Times Charleyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07096645499497577447noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3336173229528452668.post-4319197925435507322014-11-18T22:10:00.000-05:002014-12-12T15:51:53.488-05:00To be Old Fashioned<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi4yCbRg5GscJ3ne2OVMgjq8x7sao_lcrcthK2FRrYYTlKkXSeoh66CBjQbCWG1-Gdtztp97dp2QWYN235lhvfUsHHrEsfptS0GaWYFa5WrBqCF9_tF5c3cNNlhWL7JQ7d6eP67qRVu86Gm/s1600/drinks.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi4yCbRg5GscJ3ne2OVMgjq8x7sao_lcrcthK2FRrYYTlKkXSeoh66CBjQbCWG1-Gdtztp97dp2QWYN235lhvfUsHHrEsfptS0GaWYFa5WrBqCF9_tF5c3cNNlhWL7JQ7d6eP67qRVu86Gm/s1600/drinks.jpg" height="316" width="400" /></a></div>
<span style="color: orange; font-size: x-large;"><strong>S</strong></span>omething about a good Old Fashioned cocktail makes me feel a little more worldly and wise. Don't ask me what it is however it just does. Sort of like "The Most Interesting Man Alive" somehow came and tapped me on the shoulder. As if to say Charles can speak French in Spanish. Or Charles's 2 cents are worth a dollar 25. Or maybe Charles once traveled to and explored the Virgin Islands, when he left they were just “The Islands.” these and the other quotes are complete rip offs from the commercial by the way so thank you Dos Equis!... I digress. <br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiWs6hWmD3n0BMviP3E1gRK1JrzfxGRhRGsNcKb4p_MDsulJBCdx7cQ24tghwStKcKnTjdOPnI1ajRPd1sgT3HKAQF0dnk_756LEtSw3QPyY4jAdQnrQ_pCaw2v9OjtPzVKEpWm_7PrCFwH/s1600/party.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiWs6hWmD3n0BMviP3E1gRK1JrzfxGRhRGsNcKb4p_MDsulJBCdx7cQ24tghwStKcKnTjdOPnI1ajRPd1sgT3HKAQF0dnk_756LEtSw3QPyY4jAdQnrQ_pCaw2v9OjtPzVKEpWm_7PrCFwH/s1600/party.jpg" height="128" width="200" /></a>The real reason I gravitate towards the Old Fashioned is I like whiskey but just like the town of Ogunquit here in Maine, I just can't take it straight. (cough! PUSSY! cough...) Yeah, yeah I know! I will surrender my man card if necessary after that last statement. However I may just redeem myself after reading this entire post. You see although I do like the Old Fashioned I have recently been in my lab playing around with a few twists. Here are a few that either I have created or have read about. <br />
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<span style="color: blue;"><em><strong>Charles once asked a woman to say ‘NO’ to him, so he could understand rejection.</strong></em></span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh8PeDz2k94snMQO6XAkzmz4cRlR_TXzYuyTHRR9rTwY0QeylEptcJadp86oCm0sUMkpPl4cYwbv1FL9iflmYeAGPlLbR6BFRj4A3MoFyASosp071CH3w_aWgU99BBWGESZ9QG_BM1Tk9kF/s1600/oldfshhh.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh8PeDz2k94snMQO6XAkzmz4cRlR_TXzYuyTHRR9rTwY0QeylEptcJadp86oCm0sUMkpPl4cYwbv1FL9iflmYeAGPlLbR6BFRj4A3MoFyASosp071CH3w_aWgU99BBWGESZ9QG_BM1Tk9kF/s1600/oldfshhh.jpg" height="133" width="200" /></a><br />
So the original Old Fashioned is a cocktail made by muddling sugar with bitters then adding alcohol, such as whiskey or brandy, and a twist of citrus rind. The Pendennis Club in Louisville, Kentucky gave the combination its name and popularity. The Old Fashioned is the first drink referred to as a <em>cocktail</em>. Like most everything in this world however it has evolved a bit over time with the introduction of new flavors of whiskey, bitters and just creative minds. If you were to order a Old Fashion at most bars today it would look like this: <br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj-dzXhrXwuB5o-LkvLN3Bd35Fj5-_ZcjozfFK4yXl4cnNkyj8V9L681yEjdP8ETS8cLGlKQdR6c8ZSRkug1MJFxXQsBm57Srh0MkYi7UlxpSKOxIVjkTnuZB2umttfB8rb-PO_DceiwC0w/s1600/oldfASH.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj-dzXhrXwuB5o-LkvLN3Bd35Fj5-_ZcjozfFK4yXl4cnNkyj8V9L681yEjdP8ETS8cLGlKQdR6c8ZSRkug1MJFxXQsBm57Srh0MkYi7UlxpSKOxIVjkTnuZB2umttfB8rb-PO_DceiwC0w/s1600/oldfASH.png" /></a><strong><span style="color: orange; font-size: large;"><u>Old Fashioned Cocktail</u></span></strong><br />
Build and serve in an "Old Fashioned glass" <br />
1 Orange slice<br />
1 Sugar cube<br />
3 Dashes Angostura bitters<br />
1 Maraschino cherry<br />
Muddle all of the above ingredients to a nice mash. <br />
Fill the glass with ice<br />
2 oz. Whiskey<br />
Stir (DO NOT SHAKE!)<br />
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<span style="color: blue;"><em><strong>Charles is the only person Chuck Norris has apologized to.</strong></em></span></div>
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So now as our base recipe of muddling sugar with bitters then adding alcohol, such as whiskey or brandy, and a twist of citrus rind, here are a few variations I have come up with or read about. </div>
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<em><strong><span style="color: blue;">Charles takes his salad dressing right on the salad, so there is no going back.</span></strong></em></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhCWe6EmnOjdMgsVLKI6gIOXF2Q9vZuZKBj9QL5rOcP739ohp2oTgKaM_qsh9HxZiJ_quMumXPNwb0XC3OkrfrAZMy0XwwKhHybwdp6ZMKekWIRvi6ssJW6DnfEN2zZdJOX2z75PDS5X6dl/s1600/peppe.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhCWe6EmnOjdMgsVLKI6gIOXF2Q9vZuZKBj9QL5rOcP739ohp2oTgKaM_qsh9HxZiJ_quMumXPNwb0XC3OkrfrAZMy0XwwKhHybwdp6ZMKekWIRvi6ssJW6DnfEN2zZdJOX2z75PDS5X6dl/s1600/peppe.jpg" height="200" width="151" /></a><strong><u><span style="color: red; font-size: large;">Spicy Sweet Old Fashioned</span></u></strong> (*from Liquor.com)</div>
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Build and serve in an "Old Fashioned glass"<br />
2 Bar spoons Maple Syrup<br />
2 Chile slices<br />
3 Dashes of Angostura bitters<br />
Muddle above ingredients to a nice mash<br />
Fill the glass with ice<br />
2 oz. Anejo Tequila <br />
Stir thoroughly <br />
Garnish with a Chile slice and serve<br />
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<span style="color: blue;"><em><strong>Charles counts his chickens before they hatch…and they always hatch!</strong></em></span></div>
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<span style="color: cyan; font-size: large;"><strong><u><span style="color: #e69138;">Old Fashioned Manhattan Peach</span> </u></strong></span></div>
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<em>This is my own concoction a twist between a Manhattan, Old Fashioned and a Georgia Peach.</em></div>
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Build and serve in an "Old Fashioned glass" </div>
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1 Orange slice</div>
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1 Sugar cube</div>
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3 Dashes Angostura bitters</div>
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1 Maraschino cherry</div>
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Muddle all of the above ingredients to a nice mash. <em>(Seeing a trend here?)</em></div>
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Fill the glass with ice. </div>
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.5 oz. Sweet Vermouth</div>
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1 oz. Peach Schnapps</div>
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2 oz. Jack Daniels</div>
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Shake and serve</div>
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<em><span style="color: blue;"><strong>Years ago, Charles created a city out of blocks. Today over 600,000 people live and work there.</strong></span></em></div>
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<strong><u><span style="color: #6aa84f; font-size: large;">Autumn Old Fashioned</span></u></strong> <br />
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjNx7Gn3lYse3ImEC7MjKup8o0epshH2k-fcc4Ma8hCc-B9XEMgcosDjRRkdSvGOU3t-oLTgt-a7B-nvEpUSeQnHGh8ZzmtJotONle-xTv429ys8ZtnJp9Hf6cJpQ-4eUBY5TK0gft_OgYw/s1600/fall.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjNx7Gn3lYse3ImEC7MjKup8o0epshH2k-fcc4Ma8hCc-B9XEMgcosDjRRkdSvGOU3t-oLTgt-a7B-nvEpUSeQnHGh8ZzmtJotONle-xTv429ys8ZtnJp9Hf6cJpQ-4eUBY5TK0gft_OgYw/s1600/fall.jpg" height="200" width="149" /></a>Build and serve in an "Old Fashioned glass" <br />
1 Orange slice<br />
1 tsp. brown sugar<br />
3 Dashes Blood Orange bitters<br />
1 Maraschino cherry<br />
Muddle all of the above ingredients to a nice mash.<br />
Fill the glass with ice. <br />
.5 oz. Sweet Vermouth<br />
1 oz. Pumpkin Spice Schnapps<br />
2 oz. Wild Turkey<br />
Splash of Cranberry juice.<br />
Shake and serve<br />
Garnish with a Cinnamon stick<br />
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<em><strong><span style="color: blue;">One day he got so angry with dancing that he broke it.. The result is Break Dance.</span></strong></em></div>
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<span style="color: #ffd966; font-size: large;"><strong><u>St. Germain Old Fashioned</u></strong></span></div>
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Build and serve in an "Old Fashioned glass" </div>
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Orange zest</div>
<div style="text-align: right;">
1 tsp. brown sugar</div>
<div style="text-align: right;">
2 Dashes Angostura bitters</div>
<div style="text-align: right;">
2 Dashes Orange bitters</div>
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Fill the glass with ice. </div>
<div style="text-align: right;">
1 oz. St. Germain</div>
<div style="text-align: right;">
2 oz. Makers Mark Bourbon</div>
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<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="color: blue;"><strong><em>Charles sent $1000 to a Nigerian scammer, & actually received his $5 million share of the loot.</em></strong></span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgJqjGYyEn7lX9BbGpWqCD9terVO7T5QP5dGmCU0-wimK-cskbxSSxHs0JPBsk002fYzgvk-2w9HROJC9prwENhB7IDAbrkImfFOntUYZj1U8TwgswVysOPVWyd3pLjrmPyzHFFL_4tkxKM/s1600/pear.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgJqjGYyEn7lX9BbGpWqCD9terVO7T5QP5dGmCU0-wimK-cskbxSSxHs0JPBsk002fYzgvk-2w9HROJC9prwENhB7IDAbrkImfFOntUYZj1U8TwgswVysOPVWyd3pLjrmPyzHFFL_4tkxKM/s1600/pear.png" height="200" width="131" /></a><span style="color: lime; font-size: large;"><strong><u>Pear Old Fashioned</u></strong></span><br />
2 Slices of fresh pear<br />
1 tsp. Agave Nectar<br />
2 Dashes Angostura bitters<br />
Muddle to a nice mash<br />
Fill the glass with ice. <br />
2 oz. Bourbon<br />
Splash of Pear Nectar<br />
Stir and serve. <br />
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<div style="text-align: center;">
<strong><em><span style="color: blue;">His Humvee is more eco-friendly than a Prius, because it runs on his urine.</span></em></strong></div>
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<strong><em><span style="color: blue;"></span></em></strong> </div>
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<strong><em><span style="color: yellow; font-size: x-large;">Cheers!</span></em></strong></div>
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<div style="text-align: center;">
<em><strong><span style="color: blue;">It is rumored that he was born when a Tsunami and a Twister had sex with a Tigress.</span></strong></em></div>
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Good Times Charleyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07096645499497577447noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3336173229528452668.post-2186326632142823472014-11-14T21:16:00.004-05:002014-12-12T15:52:32.730-05:00Little Life Lessons<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg8dMS23W5xmhXynycsbgHz4iO0vzg_zzhMSCG8tUfPQQ6dItY3jY03CLH2DwP8WDnWRw8ODJ-gSDDG9AluORDNOapLrOqFCuMzYck2HPsDFLnhxiL2JELORdA-KGufugr3YiLIseYLaZJw/s1600/Facebook-20141114-090301.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="300" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg8dMS23W5xmhXynycsbgHz4iO0vzg_zzhMSCG8tUfPQQ6dItY3jY03CLH2DwP8WDnWRw8ODJ-gSDDG9AluORDNOapLrOqFCuMzYck2HPsDFLnhxiL2JELORdA-KGufugr3YiLIseYLaZJw/s400/Facebook-20141114-090301.jpg" width="400" /></a></div>
<strong><span style="color: #3d85c6; font-size: x-large;">O</span></strong>n November 9th, 1973 around 11:30pm in a very snowy Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania I was delivered into this world to Hannah and Lawrence Nedzbala. The poor bastards had no idea what they where in for in the years to come. They where just happy as can be farting sunshine, pissing rainbows and pooping lollipops. All was good in the world to my new mother and father. <br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjgcGfjfcWai6Y84I9cUIgXOhkgixDmJPQpLIhsU9v7w6b3UZQx-wtcWKRIKWb8IQDBMiNHEIL3NdgykJUVVp23ewbe1X0bgQwFJ8jCFUK3859ekRn4t0XUjjlBfpI8XPfxwG4oHTzIbYiG/s1600/Facebook-20141114-090332.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjgcGfjfcWai6Y84I9cUIgXOhkgixDmJPQpLIhsU9v7w6b3UZQx-wtcWKRIKWb8IQDBMiNHEIL3NdgykJUVVp23ewbe1X0bgQwFJ8jCFUK3859ekRn4t0XUjjlBfpI8XPfxwG4oHTzIbYiG/s320/Facebook-20141114-090332.jpg" width="240" /></a>I grew up having a good life. My parents are AMAZING individuals and as a team they somehow gave both myself and my sister a pretty charmed life. Ask them today how they did it and I am quite certain they will say with a chuckle and much self deprecation "how did we do what?" Then with all the humility in this world tell you they just got lucky. But luck had nothing to do with it. As I am still learning as a single father today. There was a lot of hard work persistence, understanding, patience, picking of battles and most of all love. <br />
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Well here I am 41 years later and I have come to learn a few things about this world. Some of it useful. Some of it not so useful and other stuff down right useless. However you never know what advise will help whom. So I hope upon hope some of this helps some one and if nothing else gives you a good giggle. <br />
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+ If you drive a BMW/ Mercedes or any other luxury car and <br />
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi0clHfNxOVTcL3bYyTAr-AoZRWJgJedvQv4x_VoVzWcd_zlfAEEWWm5LjnkERS0QsHGhhp6zGPnAHFCS3OtUiCJd1ZWQujkTIlo_Wv8psA74EIiBSOoa4nVzDrCcejmCp0gQp-PvwOjtZ_/s1600/rich2.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi0clHfNxOVTcL3bYyTAr-AoZRWJgJedvQv4x_VoVzWcd_zlfAEEWWm5LjnkERS0QsHGhhp6zGPnAHFCS3OtUiCJd1ZWQujkTIlo_Wv8psA74EIiBSOoa4nVzDrCcejmCp0gQp-PvwOjtZ_/s200/rich2.jpg" width="200" /></a>still live with your parents, you need to check your priorities. As punishment for purchasing a luxury automobile and not a home your parents should be allowed to give you an atomic wedgie every morning before you skip your happy ass into work. Starting the day you sign for said automobile until the day you move out or into the car. <br />
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+ If you don't have a "Happy Dance" make one up and stick with it. Sure add a nuance every so often but for the most stick to a few basic steps. You're happy not James Brown. <br />
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+ Guys, take off your socks during sex for anything longer than a pants around your ankles quickie. In that case leave your shoes on as well for traction. Just be careful when you pull out to stick the dismount. Tripping over your pants while doing the "No TP" walk is going to leave a bad impression and a nasty bruise to the twig and berries if your to slow breaking your fall. <br />
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+ Wear gym clothes to the gym. Wearing a collared shirt in the weight room just makes everyone worry and want to spot you when you lift anything over 6 pounds. <br />
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+ Learn how to lose with dignity. Chances are you're going to lose a lot more than you win. Also learn how to celebrate even the small victories. <br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhn2S2i6SIDY7qajF7yL3bDc5KCPfKlSe1t6RCIT5UGr2YfXmfBge8SUz05t_A_MyhMGIFM4WHGbCGsE8ZgZjs1kwu6kGBTfv6Sm63QzELd4N6-9qvVMVVPIHTIfyVbBLuOPKQBxCADJ0hq/s1600/tg.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhn2S2i6SIDY7qajF7yL3bDc5KCPfKlSe1t6RCIT5UGr2YfXmfBge8SUz05t_A_MyhMGIFM4WHGbCGsE8ZgZjs1kwu6kGBTfv6Sm63QzELd4N6-9qvVMVVPIHTIfyVbBLuOPKQBxCADJ0hq/s200/tg.png" width="126" /></a>+ I once took a class on how to play the ukulele because I was told it was a easy jump to the guitar and I know women dig a man the can play the ax. Do not follow my lead on his one. Skip right to learning the guitar. The ukulele is just the retarded cousin to the guitar. If you tell a woman you can play the guitar she might give you her panties. If you tell a woman you can play the ukulele she might give you a helmet. Also don't ever try to refer to your ukulele as a "ax" or even a "hatchet." The only guys that should ever be allowed to play a ukulele are 300 lb. Samoan's or guys that can pull off a silly hat. To summarize with a football reference. Guitar = Tom Brady, ukulele = Eli Manning. Even though Eli has won more on the field which one is sleeping with Gisele Bundchen? <br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiJpu7ZvPLP-Gmb4x73EaoG8fCr3L7MEDOVuuWX-G8vuUPfZIdmoCIsPxiIqBhZhtfHYRlMrKnxG9DzRDSd6Yex0dBmDKj_M1BRJ2TkChz9i4vzqUTPE-xPwGYdGjGVXeW-ePV5snzjpzmX/s1600/eli.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="176" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiJpu7ZvPLP-Gmb4x73EaoG8fCr3L7MEDOVuuWX-G8vuUPfZIdmoCIsPxiIqBhZhtfHYRlMrKnxG9DzRDSd6Yex0dBmDKj_M1BRJ2TkChz9i4vzqUTPE-xPwGYdGjGVXeW-ePV5snzjpzmX/s200/eli.png" width="200" /></a><br />
+ If your a woman and you are proud of the fact that you have a tongue ring you probably suck to much dick. Men if you have a tongue ring you also probably suck too much dick. <br />
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+ Have a firm and direct hand shake. You can't imagine in life how many people judge you for your handshake. If your sitting make sure you stand up to do it. If you have a "dead fish" handshake lock that limp wrist up swishy. <br />
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+ Don't bother trying to make your own porn tape unless you have a dedicated camera person. Otherwise it goes from being erotica to a downhill comedy pretty quick. Bad camera angles, no acting, low lighting and errant gas passing are not what a good adult film make. <br />
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+ Stop taking yourself so seriously. No one else does. <br />
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+ If you are over the age of 10 "tighty whitey's" are no longer cute. I say go with a nice fitting and breathable boxer briefs. Like my Pop always says "they should be like a fine hotel and have plenty of ball room." Also if your drawers have more skid marks than a get away car there is no saving them just spend the $15 for a pack of 2. <br />
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+ If you are having trouble getting eye contact with people during a conversation either your fly is down, you are showing way too much cleavage or you have something in your teeth. We are all human and we are classically trained when there are blue lights on the highway to stare that direction. Whatever the case is, just excuse yourself and hit the restroom before someone puts that on YouTube. <br />
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+ Black shoes, black socks and black belt. Brown shoes, brown socks, brown belt. White shoes other than sneakers there is just no excuse for. <br />
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+ Sure being right feels good on a gut level. However where are you going to sleep that night? Keep that in the back of your mind when you see blood in the water during your next argument with that significant other. Sure you might be right but the couch is cold and doesn't have a vagina. <br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh5e3zBI3gHL9d7lgo8eYsj3J_rH0V0GL10KUp8GBM8Qfm61vY8iqcD5hGN44fX_bDFivIm4uzYpYWyA1orEMxniI72WXgF_Czk3sp-U2_5PeTswzTnurfGr7pil9UFD1mM5mVA4kmB6emn/s1600/rudy.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh5e3zBI3gHL9d7lgo8eYsj3J_rH0V0GL10KUp8GBM8Qfm61vY8iqcD5hGN44fX_bDFivIm4uzYpYWyA1orEMxniI72WXgF_Czk3sp-U2_5PeTswzTnurfGr7pil9UFD1mM5mVA4kmB6emn/s1600/rudy.jpg" /></a></div>
+ Never be ashamed to cry. I mean make sure you hide that shit and never let your friends see you do it but never be ashamed. Addendum for times it is OK for people to see you cry: Your team wins the Super Bowl, Mother, Father, child, close family or drinking buddy dies, Your son makes the major leagues, your daughter gets married to a rich family and anytime you watch the movie Rudy. Yeah that little shit was off-sides but come on! <br />
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+ Don't trust your cell phones texting. I have never wanted to "Duck the sit" out of anyone at 2am. <br />
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+ Who ever said "walk softly and carry a big stick" was talking about his cock and he was hung like a donkey. Even if you aren't, walk like you do. If you ever find yourself the urge to measure your manhood, just think of it like a 5 star French restaurant. If you have to ask the price you can't afford it. If you must measure it, then you need to go back and learn how to work it better because it isn't big enough. <br />
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgr8dDYldzbUjVUcwHbVUO4MvEbi8PxF27BqgX2Cn59Cj5eSzaaNXa4KIcuMBuiBAP0CCheyIudppEvUwgCX8fJzKGmKVICyBF5m12sp91STPZSCaCtGwuSGdhRlhjReNKZS0H4fSgfBet3/s1600/cookie.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="133" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgr8dDYldzbUjVUcwHbVUO4MvEbi8PxF27BqgX2Cn59Cj5eSzaaNXa4KIcuMBuiBAP0CCheyIudppEvUwgCX8fJzKGmKVICyBF5m12sp91STPZSCaCtGwuSGdhRlhjReNKZS0H4fSgfBet3/s200/cookie.png" width="200" /></a><br />
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+ Good sex is a lot like eating Chinese food. It isn't over till you both get your cookies. <br />
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+ Never be the last one left at the party. Be like a good fart. You burst on the scene and make a lasting impression and then just drift away before anyone really notices. <br />
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+ If your date can tie a cherry stem with her tongue let her have no more than 2 more drinks. Lest she forget and leave you to tie it with your own hands. <br />
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+ No matter how old your children get you NEVER stop being a parent. <br />
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<strong><em><span style="color: yellow; font-size: x-large;"></span></em></strong> </div>
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<strong><em><span style="color: yellow; font-size: x-large;">Cheers!</span></em></strong></div>
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<strong><em><span style="color: yellow; font-size: x-large;"></span></em></strong> </div>
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Good Times Charleyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07096645499497577447noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3336173229528452668.post-3453534003624230362014-11-04T14:05:00.000-05:002014-12-12T15:52:51.464-05:00Brain Dump<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<strong><span style="color: blue; font-size: x-large;">N</span></strong>ovember here in Maine has come in with a bang. It snowed here on November 1st. As my Pop would say "it was nothing to write home to Mom about." However it was snow and watching the flakes fly while listening to the wind howl gives a person time to think with no desire to leave the house. That is exactly what I did this weekend. Now keep it all in perspective and it is still just me so don't look for any deep introspection here.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhMz8YKPCMEhbpfl7luGGyD7IgCP16fIRHR75FTvtRH436PwUZ8n4h-2KEbRkLJl-56FPIZjTXA0iNMkzVP1V2s3duYbN8ktgvgncriHJ8m3dCrKBt2yBVeK02554CvVEwppAXzLTqfpLzI/s1600/pants2.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhMz8YKPCMEhbpfl7luGGyD7IgCP16fIRHR75FTvtRH436PwUZ8n4h-2KEbRkLJl-56FPIZjTXA0iNMkzVP1V2s3duYbN8ktgvgncriHJ8m3dCrKBt2yBVeK02554CvVEwppAXzLTqfpLzI/s1600/pants2.jpg" height="320" width="198" /></a>The other day I was at the gas station filling up the Jeep with all my kids in the car. The car next to me was also getting gas. The guy went to get something out of the passenger side and when he did he essentially mooned my entire car load of kids because he had his pants down past his ass. The next day I was walking in the mall and their was a guy walking around in skinny jeans sagging! This makes about as much sense as wiping before you poop. SO, I have a new idea for a new street gang and help bring down the ever growing prison population. We go to the toughest prisons the US has to offer and gather up the toughest gay ones we can find. You know the real rapey type. We gives them all ankle bracelets and bright pink jumpsuits. We can even name the gang "The Booty's" Their entire mission will be to roam the malls and suburban streets looking for all the little bad asses that like to walk around with their pants down past their ass. When they find one of these guys they are legally allowed, NO obligated to drag him to the nearest alley and butt fuck him prison style till he either buys a belt or joins the gang. Take your pick! Either walk with a limp or get with the program scooter! Good luck walking it off though I'm told that it hurts every time.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjdQYn2mU9isc28LlQD5FHR1pRB2vRINE9k0EE1ynWoJxZNo8yIg7kMdsjO13nMAFFhijVlHWnu-9iQUxM0EdN35i23Od6039WlkZs9eNavDkHHTqV6PEy34O1wqNgizw51Ufp2XKINJJve/s1600/catch.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjdQYn2mU9isc28LlQD5FHR1pRB2vRINE9k0EE1ynWoJxZNo8yIg7kMdsjO13nMAFFhijVlHWnu-9iQUxM0EdN35i23Od6039WlkZs9eNavDkHHTqV6PEy34O1wqNgizw51Ufp2XKINJJve/s1600/catch.jpg" height="133" width="200" /></a>This next one comes from my Dad... I was watching football the other day and it reminded me of a <br />
few of his observations. <br />
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- A father dreams of his son becoming a professional athlete. At birth we as fathers put a ball in your hand. I gave all my kids basketballs. You teach them how to throw and catch a ball. How to swing a bat, how to run faster and how to tackle correctly. You spend countless hours carting them to practice and watching them from <br />
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEig_c0iGxwBiHge0GWGXUYRMHE7kNQAjbuSStXZ5N8QJOs1hvvo0sBoy_Pb0aSY0RmPOJUw7lIvl9BBJeP9BVHVYdDuF4c98hh5Rov1cAJCiMh6gZdE3XllcpMACMJeM10nug67oPzXVI9j/s1600/mom2.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEig_c0iGxwBiHge0GWGXUYRMHE7kNQAjbuSStXZ5N8QJOs1hvvo0sBoy_Pb0aSY0RmPOJUw7lIvl9BBJeP9BVHVYdDuF4c98hh5Rov1cAJCiMh6gZdE3XllcpMACMJeM10nug67oPzXVI9j/s1600/mom2.jpg" height="112" width="200" /></a>the sidelines and cheering them on. You spend insane amounts of money getting them to games and buying the right equipment. You pick them up when they are down and give them a pep talk on what it takes to reach the next level in hopes of being a champion someday. Then one day they finally make it! They make the big time and in their first game they score a touchdown, hit a homerun or hit the game winning shot/ goal. They come to the sidelines to the high 5's, fist and chest bumps and admiration of all their teammates and coaches. The TV camera zooms right in on them and they look right into the camera and say... "Hi MOM! We're #1!" <br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhFk-G65mc7aWNT_Hl3pA2gd-1gDbkTazAXyd9BsACL86xysdmg3_QHDMVewk6l2ubwv-yWJrIFJMLDq5iR7UDuMhmbLC2rtHtWr7iZghRanhaKzWO5k8ZUzzujj6wHpC2uYxug79L2LABA/s1600/foot.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhFk-G65mc7aWNT_Hl3pA2gd-1gDbkTazAXyd9BsACL86xysdmg3_QHDMVewk6l2ubwv-yWJrIFJMLDq5iR7UDuMhmbLC2rtHtWr7iZghRanhaKzWO5k8ZUzzujj6wHpC2uYxug79L2LABA/s1600/foot.jpg" height="112" width="200" /></a>- The other observation here is watching a kick return in a football game and the return man makes a breakaway run. He runs 100+ yards completely untouched. He somehow manages to evade 11 behemoth 300+ pound men that want to rip his head off and get on camera having that big ESPN highlight reel hit that make even the people watching it at home jump back on their couch. The ball carrier makes it end zone to end zone unscathed and only his own team mates following close behind him. And what do they all do to show their love for their fleet of foot team member when they all reach the end zone with him? They smack him in the head and jump all over him! Way to go, nice job! Now here's your concussion! <br />
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Dating after the age of 40 is sort of like going apple picking at the end of the season. Their are tons of apples in the orchard. However all the good ones seem to all be at the top of the tree and completely unreachable. Then there are a ton scattered all over the ground. Your first notion is to climb the tree but then you remember you are 40 and falling out of a tree isn't a good look. The things your friends would write on your cast now as apposed to when you fell off the monkey bars in the 3rd grade are completely different. Trust me they will find a way to write on your cast too. So then then you find a ladder and when you do finally find what looks to be a good one you realize that it has been in the sun far too long and its skin is wrinkled up like a alligator bag or you do find a beauty and it is all the way at the top of the tree. You finally are able to reach it and then you take a bite and it is completely sour. So then you climb off the ladder and start looking at the ones that have fallen to the ground and think well that one doesn't seem so bad. Sure it has a lot of bumps and bruises and a big old worm living inside it but it is so much easier to get to than the ones at the top of the tree. <br />
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When did fat girls get so angry about guys not appreciating their weight or curves? I thought fat <br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgQ1ZyFijgNcuQxCaQR0sWEHAOJQi52czGogNiwhtLRRT0DxYrLk9gtqHJAxlPB96oXnApZpUcxKryKYc_yOYIP7TQ2PTOJj4DbmwVoBMyaqzxqg__rzDKKyLNGJDUho4hsXW4HBOPtEpNL/s1600/oy.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgQ1ZyFijgNcuQxCaQR0sWEHAOJQi52czGogNiwhtLRRT0DxYrLk9gtqHJAxlPB96oXnApZpUcxKryKYc_yOYIP7TQ2PTOJj4DbmwVoBMyaqzxqg__rzDKKyLNGJDUho4hsXW4HBOPtEpNL/s1600/oy.png" height="400" width="225" /></a></div>
people where suppose to be jolly. Personally I am an equal opportunity employer. I am not mad if you have some curves. however some guys don't like it. That does not mean they can't handle you or lack the equipment to be with you. It doesn't take any special type of intestinal fortitude to get with a big girl. While we are on the subject stop describing yourself as a BBW (Big Beautiful Woman.) I realize the people of Dove have told you curves are sexy and far be it from me to tell them hey are wrong however you're not all beautiful. Some of you are just jacked up fat chicks and that's OK too. I am sure you are beautiful on the inside. However all I can see right now is what appears to be a brown tooth and leggings that are being worked time and a half. I'm a fat kid myself and I like chocolate. Not all your weight issues are from a over active thyroid gland some are just because you like honey barbeque wings and beer more than a carrot and hate to jog too. That picture you see on the left is an actual woman on Plenty of Fish that asked me out a month ago. That is the picture she chose to best represent herself! <br />
Ordering a salad from McDonalds is like paying a prostitute and only getting a hug. <br />
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If you get a tattoo on your neck or above it should read "I'm not going to get this job am I?" Unless you plan to be a tattoo artist and even then I don't think I want my ink done by someone that looks like they just got out of the penitentiary. I mean what sort of sterilization process standards do you think they uphold? My guess here is the same method used to neutralize a jellyfish sting. Also if you have 3 tattoos or less you don't have "tats." You're not "tatted up" and you certainly don't have ink. You have a couple of tattoos maybe. The only exception is if you have tattoos bigger than a standard ruler. <br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiETcqDGjQkSaqTbLo31YsGGHtxJjASOzpny9QDSGVjvMQDYiTkHZfiwg2Fv6nx1nBkb1racqci8yAb9thOM5gja4WSbItt4KFmAi8qyTtsyVY2rAEleRE37WvYybuIIV-30Te5vBGcnlQ8/s1600/pent.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiETcqDGjQkSaqTbLo31YsGGHtxJjASOzpny9QDSGVjvMQDYiTkHZfiwg2Fv6nx1nBkb1racqci8yAb9thOM5gja4WSbItt4KFmAi8qyTtsyVY2rAEleRE37WvYybuIIV-30Te5vBGcnlQ8/s1600/pent.jpg" /></a>Speaking of rulers I am going to speak to the guys here... Stop measuring, taking pictures of and mailing pictures of your penis. Seriously! Women do not want to see that. If you go on Craigslist and it says that they want a picture of your cock. It's a dude pretending to be a chick. End of story. I know we are all very proud of our own manhood. Think I am kidding? Read a couple of letters to <br />
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiNVRQcdMW90f4J-AklZZt0NBJIRkzdkCzaJFnZrGnT3n-6aaQy1ETbJZNPEAm8WAsj50ixuYrPJg2fnjusbg5e56XvJ0kKgMh1PkmQ0MwhEcuspgLVhADvLW8HN1QzCWZmaE_6sJSPR_7X/s1600/self.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiNVRQcdMW90f4J-AklZZt0NBJIRkzdkCzaJFnZrGnT3n-6aaQy1ETbJZNPEAm8WAsj50ixuYrPJg2fnjusbg5e56XvJ0kKgMh1PkmQ0MwhEcuspgLVhADvLW8HN1QzCWZmaE_6sJSPR_7X/s1600/self.jpg" height="200" width="200" /></a>Penthouse and see how guys tell stories and then describe what they are packing. It sounds like some guy with a 12 inch monster in his pants frantically writing while masturbating angrily in a closet. "That's when I took my 12 inches of blood pulsating love sausage and dipped it into her honeypot of joy." Are you about to fuck Winnie the Pooh with a ruler?!! These guys come up with names for their cocks like "the widow maker" "Stanley" (Because it's a power tool.) Or "the truth" not because it resembles Paul Pierce however look at his facial hair and bald head might have you thinking differently, but instead because women just can't handle the truth! We all think when we look between our legs that we are packing. Very few of us want to look down and think we could be inadequate. Let's face it a man's package compared to a woman looks ridiculous. The vagina is such a <br />
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh3hq1bo3QEqjXJ5p9m4sV7VG1C8Xugfeu_l-X-2em-cGSCXaEAL5-bNo5YDIQeTb-d96isOIrnwPqENmf2-QPkkpqwpF3qrUAlM2MD29QuSmaFVSr_recTeRYAoWXUFBnpLMl0XjsDTUya/s1600/selllf.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh3hq1bo3QEqjXJ5p9m4sV7VG1C8Xugfeu_l-X-2em-cGSCXaEAL5-bNo5YDIQeTb-d96isOIrnwPqENmf2-QPkkpqwpF3qrUAlM2MD29QuSmaFVSr_recTeRYAoWXUFBnpLMl0XjsDTUya/s1600/selllf.jpg" height="200" width="183" /></a><br />
nice looking package all folded nicely into itself waiting to be peeled back to reveal a beautiful self lubricating flower. It's self cleaning and pink on the inside. Now look down at your pecker. It looks like God had 10 minutes left before he had a long weekend off from work, was out of ideas and limited supplies. A penis when not aroused looks less like a proud soldier and more like a disabled vet sitting on two old duffle bags. Put the ruler and the camera down gentlemen! <br />
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Loyalty is a quality you rarely need to display. However when the time comes we all find out what side of the coin you are on. The same way it is easy to say someone is not afraid of anything. The company "No Fear" comes to mind. Take these some people with no fear t-shirts and stickers all over their car and push them out into oncoming traffic and watch the fun ensue. <br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjfDQdHIPpV2O2tctj_gRHH7Hn1EtTSVAdR1OwBPEB8oOeYGHdUzh3u9TK9Ih0WPvQw5iauhhDbjXJjUbXVkj3UHlpkTpcSluJ1Ncg8nDgAKZJ1KHDM9eXE7TdgIxAAs4sTGMmaDBDnnGtD/s1600/poop.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjfDQdHIPpV2O2tctj_gRHH7Hn1EtTSVAdR1OwBPEB8oOeYGHdUzh3u9TK9Ih0WPvQw5iauhhDbjXJjUbXVkj3UHlpkTpcSluJ1Ncg8nDgAKZJ1KHDM9eXE7TdgIxAAs4sTGMmaDBDnnGtD/s1600/poop.jpg" height="200" width="149" /></a>If you ever have an issue approaching someone for fear of rejection just take a step back, deep breath and remember they poop too. <br />
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<span style="color: yellow; font-size: x-large;"><strong><em>Cheers!</em></strong></span></div>
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<br />Good Times Charleyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07096645499497577447noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3336173229528452668.post-24505309473077212222014-10-24T14:44:00.005-04:002014-10-24T14:46:11.742-04:00New Affiliate: T-Shirt Hell<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://tshirthell.com/store/clicks.php?partner=charlesthebartender" target="_blank"><img alt="T-Shirt Hell.com" border="0" src="https://www.tshirthell.com/images/tbanner6.gif" title="" /></a></div>
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<span style="color: cyan; font-size: x-large;"><strong>I</strong></span> am pleased to announce that I have a new affiliation with <a href="http://tshirthell.com/store/clicks.php?partner=charlesthebartender" target="_blank">T-Shirt Hell</a>. I hope you all go and check them out. I will give you all fair warning this company sells t-shirts and they don't care about much else. If you are among the squeamish or easily offended this page is not for you. However if you are a little twisted, dark and can laugh at most anything then please proceed and buy a t-shirt or two! <br />
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<a href="http://tshirthell.com/store/clicks.php?partner=charlesthebartender" target="_blank"><img alt="T-Shirt Hell.com" border="0" height="49" src="https://www.tshirthell.com/images/banners/72890b5.jpg" width="400" /></a></div>
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<span style="color: yellow; font-size: x-large;"><em><strong>Cheers!</strong></em></span></div>
Good Times Charleyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07096645499497577447noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3336173229528452668.post-41846198462775545052014-10-23T07:08:00.005-04:002014-12-12T15:52:14.020-05:00Isn't that Ironic<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhiY1nWuETCgCZqevzqSm5DVfnkLVJcQhZscwFIFgakBbFY2OGWhUWeUPyOCewLrECOoGPKN0DZbS4VOYJXvjo_28juK-wm0D_CyR__tJmYXkpXx4HX4ruUB9-tw6y1c-efoGIuUVEngDnn/s1600/iron.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhiY1nWuETCgCZqevzqSm5DVfnkLVJcQhZscwFIFgakBbFY2OGWhUWeUPyOCewLrECOoGPKN0DZbS4VOYJXvjo_28juK-wm0D_CyR__tJmYXkpXx4HX4ruUB9-tw6y1c-efoGIuUVEngDnn/s1600/iron.jpg" height="353" width="400" /></a></div>
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<strong><span style="color: #93c47d; font-size: x-large;">I</span></strong> was in the car listening to the radio when Alanis Morissette came on yammering about "Isn't that ironic." This reminded me of a recent date I had where she kept saying "well that's ironic" when really she had no idea what the word ironic means and all I could do to keep myself from driving into a telephone pole in hopes of the passenger side airbag failing to deploy, was to try and explain to this walking set of lumps and dimples. I failed... miserably. <br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjfXHL77QWpSdlzum9pYEKNyZiAc2tEpSU0d6ybEJWsxYDbYmTSBsHUDI_dGXSGtCkFhbLhNf2_xVmDxhwj468YXXTe6rsaLdmlvKQFxpERR-baleCbzAzX3v8pvmyKAY_SljAvvM9yP3GZ/s1600/iron3.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjfXHL77QWpSdlzum9pYEKNyZiAc2tEpSU0d6ybEJWsxYDbYmTSBsHUDI_dGXSGtCkFhbLhNf2_xVmDxhwj468YXXTe6rsaLdmlvKQFxpERR-baleCbzAzX3v8pvmyKAY_SljAvvM9yP3GZ/s1600/iron3.jpg" height="200" width="171" /></a>No Alanis! Half of what you in that song isn't ironic at all. Don't know the words to the song? Here they are:<br />
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<em><span style="color: red;">An old man turned ninety-eight</span></em><br />
<em><span style="color: red;">He won the lottery and died the next day</span></em></div>
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<em><span style="color: red;"> It's a black fly in your Chardonnay</span></em></div>
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<em><span style="color: red;"> It's a death row pardon two minutes too late</span></em><br />
<em><span style="color: red;">And isn't it ironic... don't you think</span></em><br />
<em><span style="color: red;"> </span></em><br />
<em><span style="color: red;"><span style="color: orange;"><chorus></chorus></span> <span style="color: orange;"><chorus></chorus></span> It's like rain on your wedding day</span></em><br />
<em><span style="color: red;">It's a free ride when you've already paid</span></em><br />
<em><span style="color: red;">It's the good advice that you just didn't take</span></em><br />
<em><span style="color: red;">Who would've thought... it figures</span></em><br />
<em><span style="color: red;"></span></em><br />
<em><span style="color: red;">Mr. Play It Safe was afraid to fly</span></em><br />
<em><span style="color: red;">He packed his suitcase and kissed his kids goodbye</span></em><br />
<em><span style="color: red;">He waited his whole damn life to take that flight</span></em><br />
<em><span style="color: red;">And as the plane crashed down he thought</span></em><br />
<em><span style="color: red;">"Well isn't this nice..."</span></em><br />
<em><span style="color: red;">And isn't it ironic... don't you think</span></em><br />
<em><span style="color: orange;"><chorus></chorus></span></em><br />
<em><span style="color: red;">Well life has a funny way of sneaking up on you</span></em><br />
<em><span style="color: red;">When you think everything's okay and everything's going right</span></em><br />
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiNrhnS_ZsEDRMqyTBVE0Nn8eIiikUz2KrFwF0iyue9xUGnz7G8-Gn4lCuV64dmf_n-V87A8er0a56QlXgSeOHBV8R7thdr9g2hrGGvhhs3kezGALoKsUK6iJbua0SFq0Mo29af1-neGfwM/s1600/iron2.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiNrhnS_ZsEDRMqyTBVE0Nn8eIiikUz2KrFwF0iyue9xUGnz7G8-Gn4lCuV64dmf_n-V87A8er0a56QlXgSeOHBV8R7thdr9g2hrGGvhhs3kezGALoKsUK6iJbua0SFq0Mo29af1-neGfwM/s1600/iron2.jpg" /></a><em><span style="color: red;">And life has a funny way of helping you out when</span></em><br />
<em><span style="color: red;">You think everything's gone wrong and everything blows up</span></em><br />
<em><span style="color: red;">In your face</span></em><br />
<em><span style="color: red;"></span></em><br />
<em><span style="color: red;">A traffic jam when you're already late</span></em><br />
<em><span style="color: red;">A no-smoking sign on your cigarette break</span></em><br />
<em><span style="color: red;">It's like ten thousand spoons when all you need is a knife</span></em><br />
<em><span style="color: red;">It's meeting the man of my dreams</span></em><br />
<em><span style="color: red;">And then meeting his beautiful wife</span></em><br />
<em><span style="color: red;">And isn't it ironic...don't you think</span></em><br />
<em><span style="color: red;">A little too ironic...and, yeah, I really do think...</span></em><br />
<em><span style="color: orange;"><chorus></chorus></span></em><br />
<em><span style="color: red;">Life has a funny way of sneaking up on you</span></em><br />
<em><span style="color: red;">Life has a funny, funny way of helping you out</span></em><br />
<em><span style="color: red;">Helping you out </span></em></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhGM4pz9hJBsjMltfTU6f1W-TFnhk2B8ALn753HD2dhMxrKL8YYz0_XDFUTrA4DWlNGDEJ1cI9KLSTxiD7VTydO8seIwO8CS7DEHtorFLLIALEBNkMfE0FBA2pbHExw96jDdhiEHR1weJKU/s1600/iiirron.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhGM4pz9hJBsjMltfTU6f1W-TFnhk2B8ALn753HD2dhMxrKL8YYz0_XDFUTrA4DWlNGDEJ1cI9KLSTxiD7VTydO8seIwO8CS7DEHtorFLLIALEBNkMfE0FBA2pbHExw96jDdhiEHR1weJKU/s1600/iiirron.jpg" /></a>Alright so what is irony then you may ask?<br />
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<span data-dobid="hdw"><strong><u>i·ron·ic</u></strong> (</span><em>adjective) </em><strong><span style="color: red;">1</span></strong>. using or characterized by irony. <strong><span style="color: red;">2</span></strong>. happening in the opposite way to what is expected, and typically causing wry amusement because of this.</div>
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Still a little confused? Here are a few of my own examples to use as guidelines: </div>
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The family that loses their daughter because while trying to cross the street near their house a car speeding down the same street doesn't see her and runs her over. Now because we are the reactive society that we are the town puts up speed bumps and with every thud, thud of the tires going over those speed bumps it's a chilling reminder of not only how she died but also how she was a selfish pain in the ass when she lived because even now in the afterlife she is fucking up their alignment... <em>No, that's morbid.</em><br />
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEimBaThLREa_xSmu0tYD9m1QkY2ib8ietEUHQDEREn-qtIu1ECCHYluwsQxFz1qrmGShiR-UFjVtcLSQr3wOfnDCMoi-xSyplgDNAMXSD0MgTdezfc3Ata3cO1mVcBBhKP3J11egEMtJdCA/s1600/polar.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEimBaThLREa_xSmu0tYD9m1QkY2ib8ietEUHQDEREn-qtIu1ECCHYluwsQxFz1qrmGShiR-UFjVtcLSQr3wOfnDCMoi-xSyplgDNAMXSD0MgTdezfc3Ata3cO1mVcBBhKP3J11egEMtJdCA/s1600/polar.jpg" height="256" width="320" /></a><br />
OK well it is like that guy that came up with the rape whistle and put them into mass production and he made a fortune. However now that everyone has them the rape numbers have gone down and he isn't making the money he use to in order to buy a new pump for his Jacuzzi and have parties at his house where he passes out roofalyn laced gummy bears and had a good old time. So now he is secretly and ironically hoping for the rape numbers to go back up so he can launch his next big idea... No that's just tragic. <br />
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OK I've got it now. It's like the guy that owns a fire sprinkler head company (true story I actually know a guy) and never bothers to get the proper insurance or service the sprinklers in his own business and then one day he has a fire and burns the entire store front to the ground. No that's just sad and a little funny. <br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj54GiYYC0CGcw6aXpD_TallWyfqB4h8Qxr-7Luz7xAVAwF9USqRcly4Av7-Mi2jTrdNsWdZM_X4VcUSc0K9CubBZh7B-RJ-dKXHL0uYKxz-V7VptZVjV6_Rgh0yFXYu-MATf-Xn7h0taoT/s1600/iron4.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj54GiYYC0CGcw6aXpD_TallWyfqB4h8Qxr-7Luz7xAVAwF9USqRcly4Av7-Mi2jTrdNsWdZM_X4VcUSc0K9CubBZh7B-RJ-dKXHL0uYKxz-V7VptZVjV6_Rgh0yFXYu-MATf-Xn7h0taoT/s1600/iron4.jpg" height="240" width="320" /></a>Alright how about the pharmacy that sells tobacco or the cardio thoracic surgeon that smokes between telling patients that smoking is bad for you. Or the 5th dentist that thinks chewing sugar filled bubble gum is good for your teeth. Nope all of those are either greedy or plain dumb. <br />
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Well then maybe I don't know what irony is either... How ironic. Don't you think? <br />
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<em><span style="color: yellow; font-size: x-large;">Cheers!</span></em> </div>
Good Times Charleyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07096645499497577447noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3336173229528452668.post-3640917515491631112014-10-09T14:39:00.000-04:002014-10-09T14:42:37.767-04:00Just Do It!<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhv15bH83puh1qWMaGq7r3naZxfgNl2SAMPaDw_reAP1V7-2oJ6KHdFM2rhnMokmQGsBUG4M5JJoZbhmzsAn03wl3SFoVRHNV6eexxEKkBJ4UWMcKa_JDJERlMcYshV7nDWZHn9lKaVVLgF/s1600/innnn.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhv15bH83puh1qWMaGq7r3naZxfgNl2SAMPaDw_reAP1V7-2oJ6KHdFM2rhnMokmQGsBUG4M5JJoZbhmzsAn03wl3SFoVRHNV6eexxEKkBJ4UWMcKa_JDJERlMcYshV7nDWZHn9lKaVVLgF/s1600/innnn.jpg" height="320" width="318" /></a></div>
<span style="color: magenta; font-family: Times, "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: x-large;"><strong>Y</strong></span>esterday was Wednesday better known as "Hump Day." The significance of course being he middle or "hump" in the traditional 5 day work week. However to myself and other like minded friends the word "hump" brings out a similar response to the word "duty." Sophomoric chuckles for all in ear shot. For those of you that live under a rock I submit below the definition of the word "hump." <br />
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<strong><u><span style="color: red;">Webster's Dictionary</span></u></strong></div>
<span class="dbox-italic"><em><span style="color: red;"><span class="oneClick-link oneClick-available"><u>Hump:</u> Slang:</span> <span class="oneClick-link oneClick-available">Vulgar.</span> 1. <span class="oneClick-link">an</span> <span class="oneClick-link oneClick-available">act</span> <span class="oneClick-link">or</span> <span class="oneClick-link oneClick-available">instance</span> <span class="oneClick-link">of</span> <span class="oneClick-link oneClick-available">coitus. (sexual intercourse)</span></span></em></span><br />
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<span class="dbox-italic"><span class="oneClick-link oneClick-available"><strong><u><span style="color: blue;">Urban Dictionary <em>(I like this one far better)</em></span></u></strong></span></span></div>
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<em><span style="color: blue;"><u>Hump:</u> (verb) for a man or woman to sit on his/her back and move up and down, hard and fast </span></em></div>
<div class="example">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi124VenHqAVF3V4aGkpr6BCDA1YRMsA9wOBcH28wvwntItoMS8psur__iwtStmyFwAlPSQ8QqGX_71fGAiImUX4vea2ixFiIEhydAbZa2eFwOjbnLNfQmntulX1_0QucEfFUDoCbW25HkW/s1600/sex.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi124VenHqAVF3V4aGkpr6BCDA1YRMsA9wOBcH28wvwntItoMS8psur__iwtStmyFwAlPSQ8QqGX_71fGAiImUX4vea2ixFiIEhydAbZa2eFwOjbnLNfQmntulX1_0QucEfFUDoCbW25HkW/s1600/sex.jpg" /></a><em><span style="color: blue;"><span style="color: #ea9999;">Girl</span>: If I sit down here will you hump me? <br /><span style="color: cyan;">Boy</span>: Yeah! <br />The girl lays on the table on the guy gets on top of her and stabs his penis into the girl's vagina and her moves up and down on her hard and fast. "OOH! AAH!" She moans, "Faster! Faster!"</span></em> </div>
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I'm sure you get the picture by now on the double entendre at hand. So my point of view was that everyone should get to "hump" on this apply named day. That's right I say just because it's Wednesday it's time to get those heels to the sky ladies! Yes I know real ground breaking stuff here. However I look at it this way, a group of scientists graduate from Harvard or Yale every year. Some spend their life finding cures for cancer or the common cold. Others go on to create a better boner pill. <br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhEPAwbV7bT8dh9tHAPpxXOqiAWzjLLqcJjMG3SQH5he5uhoe4AHzeomX54Qm2n2H-YAEwXqnEvcKIAOuDkTG_HotMCJPtdBGozvdpf_Ue4611EQMpiLAaunD-_hg_ZPH__OVZRyg3jOejc/s1600/dance.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhEPAwbV7bT8dh9tHAPpxXOqiAWzjLLqcJjMG3SQH5he5uhoe4AHzeomX54Qm2n2H-YAEwXqnEvcKIAOuDkTG_HotMCJPtdBGozvdpf_Ue4611EQMpiLAaunD-_hg_ZPH__OVZRyg3jOejc/s1600/dance.jpg" height="200" width="149" /></a></div>
Anywho... This entire MENSA meeting came to a screeching halt when a friend of mine mentioned she wouldn't be breaking off her significant other and father to her children a little something, something because in her words "it was complicated." In other words there is a rift in the household and she had her panties in a twist guaranteed over something stupid he did. This situation plays itself out all over the world and more times than we all care to admit. So here is my message I gave to her and I am now going to drop this pearl of wisdom to all of you. Feel free to get out your pen and paper now you might want to write this one down.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjj489M9DdVOMkuZAoDoueSD1sz8k_FRCP_aWkG3cbQ0ylvaE4FA8MVvVQmh2M2im9MQvR-qHCk-L9zp4rb6sAC0p3XVa7NnlkWGCnvhWpWU_cEbOoRLFzxQefFEugS3MXCBt2iCI6OAFEs/s1600/no.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjj489M9DdVOMkuZAoDoueSD1sz8k_FRCP_aWkG3cbQ0ylvaE4FA8MVvVQmh2M2im9MQvR-qHCk-L9zp4rb6sAC0p3XVa7NnlkWGCnvhWpWU_cEbOoRLFzxQefFEugS3MXCBt2iCI6OAFEs/s1600/no.jpg" height="106" width="200" /></a>Nothing ever gets accomplished by doing nothing. No one is ever satisfied and although sex is not the only thing it is a HUGE thing! Alright allow me to break this down. The divorce rate in America is right around 50%. That means half of everyone that swears before <br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg3TFIaeeJz9ePHOf54iAYsWuxPgaEyJFFYit6MlmruY4jFSPlm5jnREFbOLyeuSqC7govBTYNpPx7uGYTo8JAyKDfExDnlPIjVcUwjsXQpP-nY9IyVrCQnj2LffGIUHZFnBupKK6VEJVBd/s1600/old.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg3TFIaeeJz9ePHOf54iAYsWuxPgaEyJFFYit6MlmruY4jFSPlm5jnREFbOLyeuSqC7govBTYNpPx7uGYTo8JAyKDfExDnlPIjVcUwjsXQpP-nY9IyVrCQnj2LffGIUHZFnBupKK6VEJVBd/s1600/old.jpg" height="109" width="200" /></a>God and family that they will Love, honor and cherish is sickness and in health. For rich or for poor till death do they part, is full of shit! Next time you go to a wedding take it worth a grain of salt. There is a high probability that the people standing before you are completely lying to you! Just think about it this way. The whole ceremony starts off with a lie when the bride walks down the isle in a white gown to signify virginity. When we all know damn well those two met while dry humping on a dance floor and went somewhere that same night and had drunken sweaty awkward sex. Even my own second marriage was a complete sham when my wife to be came out 8 months pregnant in a white dress. SERIOUSLY! This doesn't mean there is an absence of love just the simple fact is that 50% of those couples aren't doing what it takes to live up to those vows. Fights are going to happen, anger will come and go but what is being done in the interim to make certain that the animosity doesn't grow? Here now is the solution to this growing problem... <br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj_NjeN50UDxzZ0JfQLN8djgci8dfM_okYcPStbOML8Fatnptsf0dwnZTPK99zPKRfovtYYQTJIiXSyy6b_53oLytPHygvCTUEv0Gs-hS0KhJMO0Dq_KVo7JceMlNwVbR_UprbRvnJ4-67C/s1600/imagesSA1U12YI.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj_NjeN50UDxzZ0JfQLN8djgci8dfM_okYcPStbOML8Fatnptsf0dwnZTPK99zPKRfovtYYQTJIiXSyy6b_53oLytPHygvCTUEv0Gs-hS0KhJMO0Dq_KVo7JceMlNwVbR_UprbRvnJ4-67C/s1600/imagesSA1U12YI.jpg" height="109" width="200" /></a></div>
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FUCK!!! Yup it's that simple! Have sex, knock boots, have a roll in the hey, make whoopee, do the nasty, the horizontal hokie-pokie, bang, screw, have gland to gland combat, batter dip the corn dog, take the skin boat to tuna town... Whatever you want to call it for Christ sake if you are in a relationship and want to keep being in that relationship HAVE SEX!!! Not just on Wednesday but every chance you can! Keep it fun, exciting and fresh. Ladies toss on the lacy mu-mu and take that boy to pound town. Guys, trim the hedges, take a damn shower and spritz on some foo-foo juice. Why aren't you fucking yet?! <br />
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhyplHY51bryjUpGo3Ke-LUEqg6vbLrrvRk-iXQs_-ql60dkFZJOwOq1hWzk_OcmnZLk2XJhMPAuPvblr3Tc8qrJ3f4PnE7dMeqS3L_KtTvUWFvGPt957FmZoN0EwrdmYFcDXKzWSQFxWmk/s1600/cam.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhyplHY51bryjUpGo3Ke-LUEqg6vbLrrvRk-iXQs_-ql60dkFZJOwOq1hWzk_OcmnZLk2XJhMPAuPvblr3Tc8qrJ3f4PnE7dMeqS3L_KtTvUWFvGPt957FmZoN0EwrdmYFcDXKzWSQFxWmk/s1600/cam.jpg" /></a><br />
Next time you are angry, pissed off, frustrated or whatever else in your relationship is keeping from having a smile on your faces call a time out. Just step away from it and go fuck! Try being angry when you just had a mind blowing orgasm. Sort of the same way you can't stay mad when on a trampoline. Not sure this would ever work? Ask your grandparents. You know the ones that came from families of 5, 10 or even more. Their parents stayed together for 70 years. Why? They fucked a lot! Take a look at the Latino population. Mom and Dad don't always see eye to eye when it comes to all those kids but you can bet Momma is singing "Ay Papi!" Then order is restored. Momma walks with a limp and Papi goes and takes a nap and all the anger is gone. Now just fix the problem. <br />
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Make no mistake better than most life isn't all farting roses and pooping rainbows. There will be tough times and for those times I say get real dirty! I'm talking the sort of bang session where you can't ever look each other in the eye for the rest of the day. Spitting, talking dirty, rooting around making animal noises, good God who is this nasty ho, sort of sex! <br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiTkm5bOGoF_4g4TmC5bTSqboI7dt0Vb3emIr8nCZb9Y6fCLZY9xX5Rb0HgVGhRHJ1korUgN4Z_jeF7N7kE-Kmp2P2Q_SBOAoJUs-HfsZJsCew-W1rtmGmwJ4NDGiQZyhyphenhyphen124_-BXAxt6if/s1600/lick.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiTkm5bOGoF_4g4TmC5bTSqboI7dt0Vb3emIr8nCZb9Y6fCLZY9xX5Rb0HgVGhRHJ1korUgN4Z_jeF7N7kE-Kmp2P2Q_SBOAoJUs-HfsZJsCew-W1rtmGmwJ4NDGiQZyhyphenhyphen124_-BXAxt6if/s1600/lick.jpg" height="200" width="142" /></a>Just the other day I was in a department store and I overheard a little girl in the shoe department ask her mother while looking at some sky high heels "Mommy do you wear high heels?" The brutal honesty of the answer was the saddest thing my ears have ever heard and so telling too. "I use to but not anymore." Bet you dollars to doughnuts her underwear was cotton with holes in it too. She wasn't a bad looking woman either, but she had a couple of kids and obviously has gotten comfortable. As she walked around in her big comfortable clogs all I could think is what does the husband look like? I turned to see the husband, also a good looking guy but a look of "I live in hell" all over his face. She isn't trying anymore physically and he isn't in it mentally. Imagine the look if she picked up some lingerie and fuck me pumps while in that store and he looked at her and told her just how insanely beautiful she was and then the just fucked! I can tell you that they would both be sporting different looks on their faces. <br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjrc-a7JWhYXx5b6EUpaC7eAhnOfoclOwWRUX8FsD2Gnceai9QIyeibLkfk2IROgRYtj6oueM8IwSDy10Z8hRX2GeIo27zgynIwSKIxdhGpwTVgVb41y7b1ChX4P6MhvHIQeAUYVP5eLZMI/s1600/morn.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjrc-a7JWhYXx5b6EUpaC7eAhnOfoclOwWRUX8FsD2Gnceai9QIyeibLkfk2IROgRYtj6oueM8IwSDy10Z8hRX2GeIo27zgynIwSKIxdhGpwTVgVb41y7b1ChX4P6MhvHIQeAUYVP5eLZMI/s1600/morn.jpg" height="133" width="200" /></a>Sit down and with a list of all the things you both like make a sex calendar. Here are a few ideas: <br />
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<u><span style="color: orange;"><strong>Monday</strong></span></u> - A.M. - Morning wake up sex! Poke her in the back <em>with that... yeah they love that!) Guess who's up?!! </em><br />
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P.M.-<em> Surprise her with flowers and tell her your name is now Juan Carlos the Latin lover. (Use a Spanish accent) then bam! Missionary pinned to the wall, lift her skirt and have at it. </em><br />
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<u><span style="color: orange;"><strong>Tuesday</strong></span></u> -<em> Quickie between work and dinner. A whole day of work with no end to the week in sight makes me a horny bugger.</em> <br />
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<span style="color: orange;"><u><strong>Wednesday</strong></u></span> - <em>HUMP DAY!!! Afternoon delight! Rush home or even better find a quiet spot and do it in the car during your lunch break.</em><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgyfbtwG427cZGlT96KDm6u8NXD11fEdN8a_7V-e5w2T3ZULSjd95eceJzLUuDGOXsBPPgG3jvpQjK1zZsky4H5BYma_Rj9qRJ2Hwe6aWJlbf4Gg6QUnRdyDaO6wbqDAnlgSPHc3WZumsOp/s1600/qui.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgyfbtwG427cZGlT96KDm6u8NXD11fEdN8a_7V-e5w2T3ZULSjd95eceJzLUuDGOXsBPPgG3jvpQjK1zZsky4H5BYma_Rj9qRJ2Hwe6aWJlbf4Gg6QUnRdyDaO6wbqDAnlgSPHc3WZumsOp/s1600/qui.jpg" /></a><strong><u><span style="color: orange;">Thursday</span></u></strong> - <em>Slow and steady. Make this one last because the weekend is coming and it will fly by.</em> <br />
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<strong><u><span style="color: orange;">Friday</span></u></strong> - <em>Tell the kids to get in the car and you will be right out. When they are all outside have a quickie in the bathroom.</em> <br />
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<strong><u><span style="color: orange;">Saturday</span></u></strong> - <em>Break out the kinky stuff. Call each other by someone else's name on purpose and see how long you can hang on. Take a try at her booty. Tell him you always wanted a 3-some with his best friend while he ties you up to the ceiling fan. Buy and remote control vibrator and go food shopping in the afternoon! Make this a undercover freak day. Be wild and do it like it's your first time.</em> <br />
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<strong><u><span style="color: orange;">Sunday</span></u></strong> - <em>For God sake take a break. Break open a bottle of wine and cuddle on the couch while you rub her butt. Even the good Lord above according to the Bible rested on the 7th day. Besides you don't want chaffing there is a whole new week headed your way. </em><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi4J5YT7rJ5UzWRnzD6YFGBFhzaU6K4g3FtMZximRPdS7nHgtjJ7X5zU62ocLnq-qdE1WtWFLocXeIoXO6p_6QEomcg-CO2uGwikCjWBNBfvXM_UcAjT8-u7FO16erIa-1PA207oB0ghfdV/s1600/uni.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi4J5YT7rJ5UzWRnzD6YFGBFhzaU6K4g3FtMZximRPdS7nHgtjJ7X5zU62ocLnq-qdE1WtWFLocXeIoXO6p_6QEomcg-CO2uGwikCjWBNBfvXM_UcAjT8-u7FO16erIa-1PA207oB0ghfdV/s1600/uni.jpg" /></a>Did you know that Islam has forbidden sexual intercourse during menstruation? The Qur’an says: “<em>They ask you about menstruation. Say: Menstruation is a discomfort (for women). Do not establish sexual relations with them during the menses and do not approach them (sexually) until the blood stops. Then when they have cleansed themselves, you go into them as Allah has commanded you.” (Surah al-Baqarah, 2:222)</em><br />
Now watch the news and see how many of them are pissed off and blowing themselves up... On the other hand here in America, Comedian Ron White says "Just cause the roller coaster is broke doesn't mean they shut down the whole amusement park! If they did people would still be looking over the fence saying "Hey the log ride is still working just fine!" <br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjhg35Fo1rbPdHwzygL-2-IMekZ_9hHM-j7KZvcmj9SIczUR9uEvTg9JaKF8ysJwTWwlO4fwsfSeBNTtDYrU3vaeH6YbHAASvU6rVUKz0QoUpHPlDqcZv3sPAUyqz0jUVck27QJKsbPM4hT/s1600/jac.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjhg35Fo1rbPdHwzygL-2-IMekZ_9hHM-j7KZvcmj9SIczUR9uEvTg9JaKF8ysJwTWwlO4fwsfSeBNTtDYrU3vaeH6YbHAASvU6rVUKz0QoUpHPlDqcZv3sPAUyqz0jUVck27QJKsbPM4hT/s1600/jac.jpg" /></a></div>
So that is my message to all of you. Stop holding out, drop all the anger for just a little bit everyday because no one will be satisfied. Fuck and all will be OK! Now what are you waiting for? Go FUCK!!<br />
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<strong><em><span style="color: yellow; font-size: x-large;">Cheers!</span></em></strong> </div>
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Here are a few more euphemisms for having sex. Enjoy!</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
belly to belly</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
boff<br />
boink</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
bouncing the pogo stick</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
bump and grind</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
bump fuzzies<br />
bump uglies<br />
bury the bone</div>
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bury the one-eyed worm</div>
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bush patrol</div>
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butter the muffin</div>
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check the oil</div>
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churn butter</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
clam dip</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
clean the carpet</div>
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dance in the sheets</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
do the deed</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
dip the wick</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
dip your pen in the ink</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh1fa-G9DhKJUPRogn8XyUez-ATNXem6BmTFJrExQbd5I_Q_7hJE8xPu7RD6Dgb8a046MtHYBifmDqVRaLkaZL6PvKF1FS1JZoqfSy-SUcSZvp8e5haOdg0aTdbXTb1Y2CJvzADUXtW9TEk/s1600/imagesTLJ9PRE2.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh1fa-G9DhKJUPRogn8XyUez-ATNXem6BmTFJrExQbd5I_Q_7hJE8xPu7RD6Dgb8a046MtHYBifmDqVRaLkaZL6PvKF1FS1JZoqfSy-SUcSZvp8e5haOdg0aTdbXTb1Y2CJvzADUXtW9TEk/s1600/imagesTLJ9PRE2.jpg" height="200" width="133" /></a>do it</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
do the dirty</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
exchange bodily fluid</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
feed the kitty</div>
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fill the cream donut</div>
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fit her clap flap</div>
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fix her plumbing</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
flop the hay</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
fornicate</div>
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four legged frolic</div>
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frolic in the cornfield</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
fuck</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
funky chicken, the</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
get a home run</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
get busy</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
get into one’s pants</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
get it on</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
get laid</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
get rocks off</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiNtcMRTzoUVL8BwsrWH3eKjDyEfCDzj_Mb2A7tfQ7LvICTzJ1O4OFrBAXejNRxQpJFSsc9yGDrdFoBQrT_4fz7qFv8Gld9bbL9y0r1PyEFk3KrD82MX38ps0sH5ZE3mBiu1cHNdkH_MohP/s1600/imagesZU3JJZ9K.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiNtcMRTzoUVL8BwsrWH3eKjDyEfCDzj_Mb2A7tfQ7LvICTzJ1O4OFrBAXejNRxQpJFSsc9yGDrdFoBQrT_4fz7qFv8Gld9bbL9y0r1PyEFk3KrD82MX38ps0sH5ZE3mBiu1cHNdkH_MohP/s1600/imagesZU3JJZ9K.jpg" /></a>get your nuts cracked</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
give her a high hard one</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
give her a pat</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
glaze the donut</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
go fishing</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
hanky panky</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
hide the hot dog</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
hit it</div>
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hobble the horsey</div>
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hop upon the wild pony</div>
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horizontal hustle</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
horizontal mambo</div>
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hot beef injection</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
hot dog in a jungle</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
hump</div>
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the old in and out</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
juice someone</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
jump one’s bones</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
knock boots</div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh94JdVggm4Q9E7J2tyXgV6BCMiLGvt1he-6MkhkpwGYQPcj5SveHHzNY7jk587XeHUebkElmxFz-P9JLx4BTBtdva66wY_iVaBNO1UF4vneT4l0niqf3QvzErUF-oSuXzgbSpqIciYkjqm/s1600/inn.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh94JdVggm4Q9E7J2tyXgV6BCMiLGvt1he-6MkhkpwGYQPcj5SveHHzNY7jk587XeHUebkElmxFz-P9JLx4BTBtdva66wY_iVaBNO1UF4vneT4l0niqf3QvzErUF-oSuXzgbSpqIciYkjqm/s1600/inn.jpg" /></a>knock mops</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
lay piping</div>
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lie feet up</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
lust and thrust</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
make babies</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
make it</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
make love</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
make some friction</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
mattress dance</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
mattress mambo</div>
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mingle limbs</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
mommy-daddy dance</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
mount</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
nail</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
naked dance</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
nookie</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
watch the submarine races</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
park the Plymouth into the garage of love</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
parting the pink sea</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
party for two</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
pass the gravy</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
piece of ass</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
plant your seed</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
play doctor</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
play on the hair court</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
play pickle me/ tickle me</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
plug and play</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
plug the hole</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
poke in the whiskers</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgi9oHBDvaAC_1C7kE1OGWoaVsZOwq_jkiLsxNHYQm1KYW618aDS2lspjj40rmPWzwxKD8-kJgzYP1dnhTdZn2vEAZUsV1DC9qEjZ24GjMpzyfwwIFsZ34TR_JZSAXvIfVL77j8cp0autyg/s1600/in2.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgi9oHBDvaAC_1C7kE1OGWoaVsZOwq_jkiLsxNHYQm1KYW618aDS2lspjj40rmPWzwxKD8-kJgzYP1dnhTdZn2vEAZUsV1DC9qEjZ24GjMpzyfwwIFsZ34TR_JZSAXvIfVL77j8cp0autyg/s1600/in2.jpg" /></a></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
pop the cork</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
pork</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
pound</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
probe</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
probe the membrane</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
put sour cream on the taco</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
put the snake in the cave</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
ram</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
ride</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
ride the baloney pony</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
ride the hobby horse</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
ride the wild bull</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
roll in the hay</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
ring her bell</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
rumple the foreskin</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
score</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
scratch your itch</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
service the clam</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
sexercise</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
shag</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
sink it in</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
sink the sub</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
skin the cat</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
slap bellies</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
slime the banana</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
smash pissers</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
sow wild oats</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
spank the cat</div>
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spear the bearded clam</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
stab the trout</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
storm the trenches</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
stuff the beaver</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
stuff the taco</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
sweep the chimney</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
take “old one-eye” to the optomotrist</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
the hole smash</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
thread the needle</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
throw a log on the fire</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
tickle her belly from the inside</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
two-person pushups</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
vulcanize the whoopee stick</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
walk the dog</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
wet the wick</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
do the wild thing</div>
<a class="broken_link" href="http://nsgseb.assets-03.cdndrive.com/wp-content/uploads/2008/12/worm.jpg"></a><br />Good Times Charleyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07096645499497577447noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3336173229528452668.post-54271833758581164752014-10-03T15:49:00.002-04:002014-10-03T15:51:08.958-04:00Before it's too Late<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiT9eN4Yn66UAoqWyrQgKYggCADA3yIMQpIcAEviaQJijTlquKFjXkr2XNBMXwlUZWQ7vgD8j1RHn1mTHHOj1MwfI_286SQKOvATSqixJE4h_XO7mpBgN8sIP6D9dzMaFo-7N1alq5aFJ1m/s1600/cj3.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiT9eN4Yn66UAoqWyrQgKYggCADA3yIMQpIcAEviaQJijTlquKFjXkr2XNBMXwlUZWQ7vgD8j1RHn1mTHHOj1MwfI_286SQKOvATSqixJE4h_XO7mpBgN8sIP6D9dzMaFo-7N1alq5aFJ1m/s1600/cj3.jpg" height="320" width="240" /></a></div>
<span style="color: orange; font-size: x-large;"><strong>T</strong></span>here are people in our life that come and go. Some are meant to be here for the just a short stay and others the long haul. There will be those that will enrich your life just as there will be a fair share of detractors. Our lives are filled with people we meet everyday and it is our personal decision weather to invest our time and energy into that relationship or not. Then there are a special few that take it upon themselves to make that choice for us. Those personalities we surround ourselves with shape who we are and effect our daily lives. We are all products of our environment and the company we keep to some extent.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgjy167pkaySZY_gPSF7DtaVZs4TMp6qnNH8KsBpMjjJNBFo6eenVvFcwYvj5ei_gu408wZZCacXLt-61suV3PRoMY5NEQc76VjZTDueo3PPPo8lCWjnDZt5Fg_CrgdFRHb0c6gg6eDRtgr/s1600/cj.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgjy167pkaySZY_gPSF7DtaVZs4TMp6qnNH8KsBpMjjJNBFo6eenVvFcwYvj5ei_gu408wZZCacXLt-61suV3PRoMY5NEQc76VjZTDueo3PPPo8lCWjnDZt5Fg_CrgdFRHb0c6gg6eDRtgr/s1600/cj.jpg" height="298" width="400" /></a></div>
Two weeks ago we lost a good man and I lost a friend that was meant to be one for life. He was also among those that never gave me the opportunity to decide weather he was going to be a friend or not. He just always was. His name was Charles Benjamin Dellea commonly and lovingly called "Charlie - Ben" by many friends and family. He along with his Fiancé Jennifer Butler are the type of people that would give you their left arm and ask if you where certain you didn't need their right one as well and that they could do without it. Charles and Jenn where people you are fortunate to surround yourself with if given the opportunity. They didn't have much however whatever they did have was always open to be given away to anyone less fortunate. It was this personality that made his infectious smile all that more loveable because it was always real. In the short time I knew Charlie-Ben I absorbed a great deal of who he was and took special note of the way he treated those around him. After his sudden death, Jennifer and I spoke about how much his personality was like a puppy. He just wanted to be loved. I swear to this day Jenn had to roll up a newspaper and swat him on the nose for some reason or another. Charlie-Ben always came back with that big old smile. He had this uncanny ability to forgive anyone in a moments notice and just move on as though nothing ever happened. He would curse someone out under his breath for crossing him and then laugh about the issue while recounting it with that same person not even an hour later. Charlie-Ben was just 34 years old when he lost his life while doing something he loved (white water rafting) with the woman that was his rock and he loved so much. Even while experiencing the early warning signs of his impending heart attack he was jovial about the trip. He ignored all the signs just trying to stretch his chest out while trying to get Jennifer pumped up about taking on a challenging river. He was bouncing around nudging her with that big old smile of his saying "are you ready? Ready Jenny?!" Jenn I can only imagine returned his barbs with a roll of her eyes and deep laugh. <br />
<br />
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgP-2jQ6oAdHrdcEPLWvGfkvIEy1c-VdyrR6Wzkt-0oCeV34-O6MHQJOw_k6132QvdYXxIokCwz7YQRcBhofHl6MD7pjEzEFeBSbn9316OxEs7f0WNllDtJIxKIi7cJr3ULlYtmKaZNiHbO/s1600/cj2.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgP-2jQ6oAdHrdcEPLWvGfkvIEy1c-VdyrR6Wzkt-0oCeV34-O6MHQJOw_k6132QvdYXxIokCwz7YQRcBhofHl6MD7pjEzEFeBSbn9316OxEs7f0WNllDtJIxKIi7cJr3ULlYtmKaZNiHbO/s1600/cj2.jpg" height="320" width="211" /></a>His passing got me thinking as most deaths will about not only the fragility of life but also the quality and way it was lived. How will I be remembered? I have always said I want my family and those close to me to be able to say "He kept every promise he ever made." I think that is a great way to be remembered. I also don't want people to be so sad for my passing when that day comes as I want what Charlie-Ben wanted, for people to celebrate and remember his life like he did with a smile. I hope everyone has some great belly laughs at my expense! Remember me how I lived not how I will die. My only real hope is that my final words on this earth aren't "oh shit!" At his memorial service we were all encouraged to talk and share stories about him. I loved this idea! I also LOVE a good story or two as you have seen here. However wouldn't you like to hear what people would say about you or others prior to their death. Wouldn't it be great if we didn't wait till it was too late to tell that story or fond memory? <br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhrVhQlvuQNx6coRf-XN4jZdDZ6gZvynNIZ8wOyXb9eNlI2Pfn76dfO19RplOF6p32GTSdlmrCPI6OuCoaxwwc5_BL_axRNM1T6wXWeOJdMKFi-sP6LLi1Ao2Rr7DKaO1mDANNTPhRfrPk2/s1600/close.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhrVhQlvuQNx6coRf-XN4jZdDZ6gZvynNIZ8wOyXb9eNlI2Pfn76dfO19RplOF6p32GTSdlmrCPI6OuCoaxwwc5_BL_axRNM1T6wXWeOJdMKFi-sP6LLi1Ao2Rr7DKaO1mDANNTPhRfrPk2/s1600/close.jpg" height="200" width="175" /></a>It is just that idea that I am going to ask you all to do with me. Allow me to explain. I don't know about you but I use Facebook quite a bit. If you are like me, then you don't know everyone in your friends list the same way. Many of you I am thankful to call acquaintances and I am looking forward to getting to know you all just a little bit however you are either friends of friends, people I have met from behind the bar or have come to follow me after seeing this website and for that I thank you. My point being unfortunately for me I don't have a story to tell about you all. Although someone undoubtedly does. There is also a special spot in Facebook to place all the people who you do know better than others in the "Close Friends section." <br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiwFKb1HwgAKkwbPBVlB249hRsOlqvvSYw-xvH3UNNcqtQTjDnbh-DruQ-SP9ExOdC9fxnxtMVw61MxPhLkY_7x7a8R-1LfCq5NPtSzxPCLlh1OY1fxogW8GUO2yX_9KNXn4I1Fzit1-hAI/s1600/bill.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiwFKb1HwgAKkwbPBVlB249hRsOlqvvSYw-xvH3UNNcqtQTjDnbh-DruQ-SP9ExOdC9fxnxtMVw61MxPhLkY_7x7a8R-1LfCq5NPtSzxPCLlh1OY1fxogW8GUO2yX_9KNXn4I1Fzit1-hAI/s1600/bill.jpg" /></a></div>
Unless you live under a rock then you probably saw the "ALS Ice Bucket Challenge." This was a amazing campaign that raised a ton of awareness and money for the deadly disease. In each video of the challenge we had to challenge up to 5 others calling them out on the social media site to do the same or donate to the cause. We saw everyone from friends and family to the likes of Bill Gates, Michael Jordan, and even the founder of Facebook Mark Zuckerburg along with many other big names take part. Well I am not asking you to donate money however I am asking you to donate time, not long but just a stitch to share a story and raise awareness about another human being. Besides who doesn't love a good story, right? <br />
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<span style="color: lime; font-size: x-large;">+++ </span><strong>So here is how this will work. Every couple of days pick someone in no certain order that you know well enough to tell a story about. Make sure the story is one that you could tell before family and friends. The point here is not to embarrass or belittle. The entire point is to tell a good story about this person that everyone might want to hear. It can be just about anything how you met, something funny that happened or something you did together. If you can think about being at this persons funeral (I know a little morbid) and saying "I wish he/she where here to hear me tell this story" then that's your winner. Now sit down with your video camera and tell the story. Try to keep the story to 2 minutes at the max. Upload the story to Facebook and tag the person in the story. Once you have done that, then place that person in your "close friends" section.</strong><br />
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I hope you all have a great time regaling us with your stories. I can't wait to hear all the good ones out there. Let's all celebrate the lives we have come to know and touch and tell our stories before it's too late. <br />
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<strong><em><span style="color: yellow; font-size: x-large;">Cheers!</span></em></strong> </div>
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<br />Good Times Charleyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07096645499497577447noreply@blogger.com0