Diets

The other night a woman asked about my martinis. After ordering a Pear martini she paused and then looked at me and asked "wait, how many calories are in that martini?"

"Are you freakin' serious??!" I'm guessing is not what she was looking for because after I replied I looked up at her and she was completely serious. She proceeded to tell me how I should know the total calorie of my concoctions and how it is my responsibility as a bartender to know this sort of thing. I understand there is a new fad of calorie conscious cocktails and beer everything from MGD 64 and Michelob Ultra to Skinny Bitch Cocktail mixes. But really Toots give it a rest!


Also to the makers of the Lite's, Ultra's, 64's and others like it please tell your marketing department that no one and I mean no one feels like going for a run or working out after they have plowed down any calorie beer, ever! The only thing that people feel like doing after having any beer is have another beer! Curls are also acceptable in the 12 ounce variety. If anyone you ever know says after having a beer that they want to go for a jog they better be talking about streaking. If not deck that little SOB and when they finally get up hand them a fricken beer! That would make you a real friend.


Here's a noble thought worry a bit more about the bar mix your jamming into your pie hole and less about the cocktail. One more thing, the saying "I can't have this because it goes straight to your hips is incorrect. I looked and trust me it is making a pit stop at your ass! I realize that people come in all shapes and sizes and god bless you if you are a bit heavy and trying to do something about it. But don't break my balls! From there it took every fiber of my being not to kick her butt out.

Cheers!