Shots from the Bartender: Signs, Signs, Everywhere There's Signs!

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For those of you looking for something on the more sophisticated side you have my apologies. This blog unfortunately mirrors the author (yours truly.) Some of the humor is not for everyone but I liked it and it's my blog so there! My patrons sometimes ask me where I come up with some of this stuff. I am glad to tell them my mind is a lot like Canada. It is sometimes a bit cold, there are a few dark corners, some of it down right confusing and even a bit dirty but there is also a lot of neat stuff up there. So I hope you all enjoy this blog! ... Cheers!

Thursday, February 2, 2012

Signs, Signs, Everywhere There's Signs!

A question for the Ladies: Why the glitter on the breasts? I mean we are already looking there anyway. Trust

me we don't need you to make them look like a fishing lure. You know the only reason that a bass boat has a shiny bottom, is to attract fish and the men who buy them.

The other day I was in the coffee shop and the girl behind the counter had her chest pierced. Her CHEST!!! I mean seriously in your never ending struggle of being taken seriously

and "Ahem my eyes are up here!" She and others go and get a piercing right there in the center! I had to tell her and I quote, "You realize now you can never tell anyone to look you in the eyes unless you're wearing a turtle neck." After that I have no idea what she sa

id back because I was too busy staring at her breasts. I'm already that kid with high def ADD I have ADHD! trust me a shiny object like that could make my head spin for hours.

One more thing while I think of it. Enough with the sweatpants with words like "sexy," "juicy" and "pink" written across the ass. I damn near ran into a tree the other day while driving and trying to read. Seriously that combines two of my favorite things. I love a great ass and I like to read. Win-win! And girls who are wayyyyyyy too young are wearing these things. If your teenage daughter is walking around wearing "Sexy" across there ass the parents should be tracked down and tossed in jail for aiding a soon to be sex offender. The only things that should be written across your ass should be helpful need to know information like "under 18!" "exit only" or in some cases "flammable gas!" Also how about a little truth in advertising here. If you are a 65 year old grandmother of 8 chances are you are not "juicy."

Let's be honest we as men are just not that bright. Ladies you have all the brains. Like that old joke about the miracle baby in California. He was born with both a penis and a brain. Please ladies we don't need any help being complete perverts it's already built right into our biological software. So next time you are about to break out the stripper dust glitter and sprinkle your boobs think again unless you brought a towel with Windex to wipe the pole down before you start your shift.