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Thoughts, stories, ideas, recipes, cheers, and more... What else did you think you would get for a $1 tip?

For those of you looking for something on the more sophisticated side you have my apologies. This blog unfortunately mirrors the author (yours truly.) Some of the humor is not for everyone but I liked it and it's my blog so there! My patrons sometimes ask me where I come up with some of this stuff. I am glad to tell them my mind is a lot like Canada. It is sometimes a bit cold, there are a few dark corners, some of it down right confusing and even a bit dirty but there is also a lot of neat stuff up there. So I hope you all enjoy this blog! ... Cheers!

Sunday, August 14, 2011

No More Holding Back...

In the past here on this blog I have done a certain amount of withholding stories which is just not true to why I started this blog. It is suppose to be "Stories from the Bartender" not "Recipes and Thoughts from the Bartender." So holding back is no longer! I will not use peoples real names or likeness however I see and hear so much on a daily basis and there are some funny, tragic, weird and sometimes sad stories that should be told for all of our entertainment. So here is my first of many Stories from the Bartender...

The Mother Daughter Talk and The Things I Hear
I always get a giggle out of the commercials you see on afternoon TV for feminine hygiene products. Mother and daughter walking on the wide open beach in the bright sunshine not another soul in sight and birds calmly flying overhead. The daughter turns to the mother sort of shy and asks her mother, "Mom do you ever have that not so fresh feeling?" and the mother without batting an eye says something like "Yes dear and that is why I use Vagasil." What I would really like to see if the mother turn to the daughter and say something like "Oh thank goodness you finally asked me about this I have been wanting to talk to you for weeks about that smell I mean why do you think all those seagulls are following us?!!!" Alright that was over the top I admit but what I am getting at is that the bond between mother and daughter is one that does allow a high level of trust and topics not all mothers are prepared to deal with.

One night a mother and daughter came into my bar at the hotel as they where away on a little bonding trip. The mother a very proper looking woman in her mid 50's with a British accent and a youthful look. The daughter was in her mid 20's and had long bleach blond hair with pink streaks and more of a Boston accent. Both ladies very attractive for there different ages. As they sat and chatted I went about my business from time to time checking in on them to see how they where and make a bit of small talk and see if they needed a refill. After 2 dirty martinis each they where both feeling a bit more loose and the conversation got a lot more jovial and loose.

I went back to the kitchen to run some glasses through the dishwasher and bring some new glass wear back to the front of the house when I heard this. "So Mom remember last fall when you stopped by the apartment and I answered the door in my bathrobe and sweating?" At this point I don't think I have ever run any faster to get from the back to the bar. If my ass was on fire and the nearest water was at the front of the bar I still would have been slower than I was this evening. The daughter proceeds to tell the mom about a threesome in great detail she had with her then boyfriend and male roommate! I am listening to all this thinking "seriously this is free? and they are going to pay me at the end of all this plus tip???" I LOVE MY JOB!!

At the close of this detailed account the mothers only response is her disdain for oral sex. To which the daughter says she has given oral to many guys over the years. The mother is still not shocked but the conversation takes a turn to weather oral sex counts as real sex.

Another guy a couple chairs down heard this entire conversation. Now he chimes in correcting the ladies in a stern voice and completely serious. "Oral sex is not real sex!" when asked why he felt this way he says "if it was the same as full on sex it would cost the same."

True story...

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