Bless this Blog.

Looking for a Bartender for your next function? E-Mail or Call Me! (207) 432-5056

Thoughts, stories, ideas, recipes, cheers, and more... What else did you think you would get for a $1 tip?

For those of you looking for something on the more sophisticated side you have my apologies. This blog unfortunately mirrors the author (yours truly.) Some of the humor is not for everyone but I liked it and it's my blog so there! My patrons sometimes ask me where I come up with some of this stuff. I am glad to tell them my mind is a lot like Canada. It is sometimes a bit cold, there are a few dark corners, some of it down right confusing and even a bit dirty but there is also a lot of neat stuff up there. So I hope you all enjoy this blog! ... Cheers!

Tuesday, January 31, 2012


The other night a woman asked about my martinis. After ordering a Pear martini she paused and then looked at me and asked "wait, how many calories are in that martini?"

"Are you freakin' serious??!" I'm guessing is not what she was looking for because after I replied I looked up at her and she was completely serious. She proceeded to tell me how I should know the total calorie of my concoctions and how it is my responsibility as a bartender to know this sort of thing. I understand there is a new fad of calorie conscious cocktails and beer everything from MGD 64 and Michelob Ultra to Skinny Bitch Cocktail mixes. But really Toots give it a rest!

Also to the makers of the Lite's, Ultra's, 64's and others like it please tell your marketing department that no one and I mean no one feels like going for a run or working out after they have plowed down any calorie beer, ever! The only thing that people feel like doing after having any beer is have another beer! Curls are also acceptable in the 12 ounce variety. If anyone you ever know says after having a beer that they want to go for a jog they better be talking about streaking. If not deck that little SOB and when they finally get up hand them a fricken beer! That would make you a real friend.

Here's a noble thought worry a bit more about the bar mix your jamming into your pie hole and less about the cocktail. One more thing, the saying "I can't have this because it goes straight to your hips is incorrect. I looked and trust me it is making a pit stop at your ass! I realize that people come in all shapes and sizes and god bless you if you are a bit heavy and trying to do something about it. But don't break my balls! From there it took every fiber of my being not to kick her butt out.


Tuesday, January 24, 2012

Blueberry Chai and a Fat Kid Dinner

I had the most amazing dinner the other night in Lincoln, NH at The Common Man Restaurant. I was doing some skiing at Loon Mountain all day and by night fall I was ready for a dinner suitable for a fat kid. I wanted a steak and not just any steak but the kind you tell your friends about the next week and a half later and try desperately to recreate on your own grill to no avail. I'm talking whack the horns off grill it and slap it on my plate and let me have at it!

I got what I wanted and when I did I took one look at that bad boy and declared "scream if you want to but this is going to happen!" With that my fork and knife where set ablaze. It wasn't pretty how I taught that cow how I was still top of the food chain, however a necessity. Now if you are with PETA or some other vegan activist, hippy tree loving, plant farting group member I know that the last visual was not pleasant but that is just how I roll! Next time you see a shark eat a baby seal go picket them too. Circle of life and it feels good to be on top of this food chain!

I digress... Prior to this carnivorous exhibition I partook in some of their libations in martini form. Like I do whenever I try someplace new I have a peek at their drink menu and see what they have in store. I was very impressed with their selection. I could go on and on as you all know but I will cut to the quick in the essence of time and apologize for my previous ramblings.

My favorite of my selections was the Blueberry Chai-tini. Even more impressive it was made with local ingredients fresh blueberries and Cold River Vodka also a Maine product. Also a new ingredient I have never used before now Rum Chata. If you have never used this try it in your french toast batter. Seriously a great way to start the morning.

Blueberry Chai-tini
2 oz. - Blueberry Vodka
Splash of cream
1 oz. - Rum Chata
Rim the glass in Cinnamon Sugar
Shake over ice and strain
Garnish with fresh Blueberries


Sunday, January 22, 2012

Coffee with a Twist

Many of my concoctions are born out of the sweet tooth I am the proud owner of. But my sweet treats are not for everyone. Every so often I am asked if I have anything a bit less sweet. Her name is Joanna and she had a few thoughts on what to have but none of them inspiring enough for her special weekend away. We had a small debate as well as to what makes a Espresso Martini. There is no cream in espresso (no Bailey's!) I asked her to trust me on this one and here is a simple Espresso Martini and a little twist on this classic as well. Cheers Joanna!

Espresso Martini
2 oz. - Vanilla Vodka
1 oz. - Coffee liqueur
1 oz. - Chilled espresso
Shake like crazy and strain into a martini glass

Orange Coffee Martini
2 oz. - Cafe Patron XO
1 oz. - Cointreau
2 oz. - Coffee
Shake over ice and strain