Bless this Blog.

Looking for a Bartender for your next function? E-Mail or Call Me! (207) 432-5056

Thoughts, stories, ideas, recipes, cheers, and more... What else did you think you would get for a $1 tip?

For those of you looking for something on the more sophisticated side you have my apologies. This blog unfortunately mirrors the author (yours truly.) Some of the humor is not for everyone but I liked it and it's my blog so there! My patrons sometimes ask me where I come up with some of this stuff. I am glad to tell them my mind is a lot like Canada. It is sometimes a bit cold, there are a few dark corners, some of it down right confusing and even a bit dirty but there is also a lot of neat stuff up there. So I hope you all enjoy this blog! ... Cheers!

Friday, September 30, 2011

Call me Princess

Thursday was my first night at Fortifem Ultra Martini Lounge. This is a sweet little martini lounge in the heart of Portland's "Old Port." more on that in another post... This night was sort of a quiet night and I had the fortune to meet a "Princess!" Well sort of, here is how it all went down.

A short chubby brunette walks into my bar with 3 guys that look like they are all trying very hard to be the next Vanilla Ice. "Hi my name is Charles." I say to her extending a hand shake. She promptly introduces herself as "Princess." Right away her majesty orders a Well Vodka Collins and tells me she likes her drink strong. I pour a fair drink and she is already telling me it is "not enough booze to get her drunk." I respond with "Well you can buy a second one but my goal is not to get you drunk." Strike 1!

Then she complains about the $7 cost of the drink and then starts bickering with Vanilla Ice #1 and #2 about the price of a Long Island Ice Tea and she doesn't want to spend that much. I am not certain what kingdom she is the princess of but seems this kingdom is also suffering the economic constraints of the common peasant. Strike 2!

Now I figured money may be a bit easier for a "Princess." This is when she signs her credit card slip leaving a .50 cent tip. Strike 3!

I take a peek at the Visa slip and see the Princess's given name and say "so I guess Princess is long for Kim, huh?" "Don't be ashamed of your peasant name, Kim."

Sunday, September 25, 2011

Pumpkin Time!

Leaves changing colors, crisp autumn air, county fairs, yeah, yeah yeah... Let's not forget the best part of the fall season, Pumpkin spice latte at every coffee shop! Yes this coffee will more than likely have to show your local barista a copy of your credit report and you may have to take out a small business loan to afford this caffeinated experience but it is well worth it! So I made a Pumpkin Vanilla Vodka for starters and then tossed together a few good fall ideas that will help you usher in changing season. Take some time to kick back and sip these treats, this stuff is great in a martini on the rocks, over vanilla ice cream or hell over a bumper!

Pumpkin Vanilla Spice Vodka Infusion
2 Vanilla beans (Opened and scraped into the mix)
10 thin 4 inch long shavings of Pumpkin
1/2 Can Pumpkin Pie filling
1/2 of a whole nutmeg
1 Litter bottle of Vodka
1 Tablespoon Pumpkin Pie Spice
Place all ingredients into an infusion jar
Let this sit for about 1 week in a refrigerator.

Pumpkin Spice Latte Martini
2 oz. - Pumpkin Vanilla Spice Vodka
1 oz. - Espresso Vodka
1 oz. - Half and Half
Shake to a froth and strain.
Garnish with a sprinkle of Nutmeg

Pumpkin Pie Martini

1oz. - Pumpkin Vanilla Spice Vodka
1 oz. Vanilla Vodka
½ oz. - Bailey's Irish Cream
Splash butterscotch Schnapps
Shake over ice and strain
Rim the glass with crushed graham crackers
Garnish with a cinnamon stick

(These 2 pictures have nothing to do with anything, not that they have to. It's my blog not yours! I just thought they were funny!)

Funniest thing I heard this weekend...

As I make my rounds checking on customers and their drinks I tend to hear bits and peices of conversations. I equate this to flipping through the several channels on your television just seeing a small clip before you decide on weather you want to watch the entire show or not based on that snip-it of whatever program. Some of the things you hear are sad, some joyous, some depressing, some just out right funny. Here is the funniest thing I heard this weekend.

A party of 4 come into the bar about 20 minutes before last call. I met them all the night before and knew they where going to a wedding this particular night. They were not a low class group and where well dressed. Seeing that they arrived at the wedding well before the rest of the wedding party this prompted me to already think something was up. Then I heard on of the girls telling someone that they had just come from a wedding reception. Now the funniest thing I heard all night.

Girl: "We just got kicked out of the reception. Because apparently it is frowned upon to expose your breasts at a wedding reception!"

OK... you now have my attention!... Apparently

Sunday, September 18, 2011

A-Hole Bartender


The Bartender still hates you!

Pumpkin Pints & Apple Bombs

Fall is coming weather we like it or not. I looked outside today and the green leaves of summer are already giving way to the red, yellow and burnt orange of autumn. A shame of sorts but also a great time to be in New England. Aside from the annoying New York leaf peepers we have all grown to tolerate there is a special crispness to the air and even the smell is different.

Fall also brings some sweet stuff to the beverage world and I have never hidden my affection for some of the pumpkin and apple flavors. Better yet Fall marks the return of Shipyard's Pumpkin- Head Ale and the taste of apple cider I prefer Vermont's local Woodchuck Hard Cider. With my admiration of these two as always I wondered how I could possibly make them any better... Enter Pumpkin Pints and Apple Bombs to sweet concoctions to help you ease back and watch the leaves change from green to red in preparation for the the snow to fall soon.

A Pumpkin Pint is a combination of Shipyard's Pumpkin-Head Ale and my own Vanilla Tequila infusion. without getting too far into it here is how it is done.

Vanilla Tequila
1 Bottle of Cuervo Gold
1 small bottle of pure vanilla extract
2 vanilla bean sticks
Combine Tequila and vanilla extract into a infusion jar.
Open the vanilla bean stick and scrape the inside with a knife extracting the vanilla beans.
Drop in the vanilla beans and scraped stick into the jar and let sit for 2 days stirring on occasion.

Pumpkin Pint
1 Pint of Pumpkin-Head Ale
Rim the glass with cinnamon sugar
Pour in 1 shot of Vanilla Tequila

Now the Apple Bomb is a bit different. Much like a Car Bomb or an aforementioned Flaming Dr. Pepper Shot this is a shot you drop into a half glass of cider. Still just as awesome just more in the vein of fall and apple pie.

Apple Bom
1 Pint of Hard Apple Cider
Rim a small portion of the glass in Cinnamon Sugar
1 Shot glass equal parts Goldschlager, Butter Shots and Caramel Bailey's Irish Cream

How to drink this:
Lick the cinnamon sugar, Drop the shot glass into the pint glass and drink it all up!


Wednesday, September 7, 2011

The Bee's Knees!

Gin is definitely an acquired taste. To me it tastes a lot like a pine tree. However done right it can work. So when I presented this nod to the prohibition era cocktail as the drink of the day at the bar I was met with a lot of customers that said "I'm not really a gin drinker." I couldn't help but understand but give this little single liquor cocktail a try. This is the answer to a not too sweet and just a little different than the norm and not too expensive. There are a few variations so feel free to take your pick. You might just think it is the "cat's pajamas," the "tops, the "nipples on a strip a bacon?" The Bee's Knees!

The Bee's Knees (Rocks)
2 oz - Gin
1 oz - Grapefruit juice
1 oz - Pineapple juice (unsweetened)
1 teaspoon - Honey
Shake like crazy over ice till you get a good froth
Serve over ice with a orange wedge for garnish

Bee's Knees (Straight Up)
2 oz - Gin
.5 oz - Lemon juice
.5 oz - Honey Syrup
To make Honey syrup: Combine equal parts honey and hot water, and stir until dissolved.
For an extra kick use a splash of Barenjager instead of honey syrup
Shake over ice and strain into a martini glass
Garnish with a lemon twist

* Side note: Do you know how tough it is to explain the saying "the bees knees" or "the cat's pajamas" to someone not from this country? Even tougher explain it to mean something cool?


Thursday, September 1, 2011

Flaming Dr Pepper Shot

I was watching a show this week about how Dr. Pepper is one of the only remaining independently owned soft drink companies. Sort of like the cheese stands alone I guess. Dr. Pepper has been a southern favorite for years and continues to be today. And don't even try to mention the Doctors retarded brother Mr. Pibb and tell me it tastes the same! In this case there is nothing like the real thing and this got me thinking about whoever the guy was who had all the free time and energy to mix all the ingredients just right to make the Flaming Dr. Pepper shot. I mean just think of all the variations and how many times he was wrong and still kept trying and how many times this poor schmuck was just too lit to go on with his research and just passed out before getting up and going right back the drawing board. I mean as if Dr. Pepper was just not good enough now was have it in shot for with alcohol and FIRE!!! Only thing to make it more perfect is add bacon then it would be the official drink of all real men. This special blend involves amaretto, beer, 151 and fire! 3 of those 4 parts are awesome! Some people figure to research cures for cancer or the common cold. Not this king of the flaming shots! So hold up your glasses and then light them on fire here comes the Flaming Doctor Pepper shot! Cheers!

The Flaming
Dr. Pepper Shot

3/4 shot amaretto almond liqueur
1/4 oz 151 proof rum
1/2 glass beer

Fill a shot glass about 3/4 full with amaretto and top it off with enough 151 proof rum to be able to burn.

Place the shot glass in another glass and fill the outer glass with beer (right up to the level of the shot glass).

Ignite the amaretto/151 and let it burn for a while. Blow it out (or leave it lit if your are awesome!)