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Thoughts, stories, ideas, recipes, cheers, and more... What else did you think you would get for a $1 tip?

For those of you looking for something on the more sophisticated side you have my apologies. This blog unfortunately mirrors the author (yours truly.) Some of the humor is not for everyone but I liked it and it's my blog so there! My patrons sometimes ask me where I come up with some of this stuff. I am glad to tell them my mind is a lot like Canada. It is sometimes a bit cold, there are a few dark corners, some of it down right confusing and even a bit dirty but there is also a lot of neat stuff up there. So I hope you all enjoy this blog! ... Cheers!

Friday, April 4, 2014

Never Hungover... Challenge Accepted!

I was recently contacted by the people at "Never Hungover" and asked to demo their product. As I have stated before and remain to be not proud enough to ever not accept free swag. This project of writing this blog can be at times completely thankless. I never have nor will pull any sort of paycheck from this site. Hell, even Google's AdSense turned me down because of my content. I have to admit I find that one funny, last I checked you can google just about anything! But I guess my humor is where they draw the line. Although I do get a few nice comments, the majority of them are a bit more derogatory. Calling me immature, sophomoric or just nothing more than a perverted booze jockey. I can't really refute any of those. Even a few that are just filled with complete disdain for being of this earth. I chalk it up to misplaced love... So when the people of "Never Hungover" wanted to send me a few packages of their product my answer was simple. Challenge ACCEPTED!

First order of business was to round up the troops. I opted for a small group of 5 friends that have a taste for cocktails. Second was location, location, location. We started our evening with dinner at a Hibachi grill joint complete with flipping knives and sake bombs. Then it was off to see my buddy Jay at his bar Spread in the Old Port Section of Portland, Maine.

For those of you that have never been to the Old Port in Maine, I usually equate it to my Attic. It's a little dark, a little dirty, a bit chilly and tough to get to. However when you do get up here and look around you notice there is a lot of neat stuff up here. What most people don't know is that Portland, Maine boasts one of the largest populations of bars and restaurants in a concentrated area in all the United States. I commonly tell visitors to the state that they could spend an entire year going out to eat for 3 meals a day at a different place and get a great meal for every sitting at a price that won't break your bank account. It almost makes the 2 months of summer well worth it to live here.

Spread is a great spot to start off your night with a great martini. Cool atmosphere, great drinks and interesting tapas menu. I looked it up online and I thought I was being redirected to a porn site.  After a bite to eat, all of us popped our first Never Hungover. Game on!

We traveled the cobblestone streets hitting about 8 different bars. Keeping in mind the old saying "Beer before liquor, never sicker. Liquor before beer, you're in the clear." We intentionally went against this golden rule with the only proviso being that every 4 drinks/ shots we all shot a Never Hungover. No water or conventional hangover remedies allowed on this could be suicide mission.

The bottle itself is a bit cumbersome if carrying more than one. Especially if you are a dude or do not carry a purse. My suggestion being that they switch to a foil type pouch. making it easier to carry more than one. Also keep in mind that this product DOES NOT deter you from getting completely loose your pants drunk. However it can take away some of the drunk feeling. DO NOT try to drive after a couple of drinks because you feel like you can take still take on the world and want to show all your friends who has the fuzzy nuts and doesn't drink like a little girl. A quick field set of roadside Olympics aka field sobriety test will prove otherwise. Even worse is the feeling of cuffs and not the fuzzy kind will be extremely sobering. So have a DD and maybe a voice of reason.

Round 1: This consisted of a couple Sake Bombs with dinner and a couple tasty martini's at Spread. Be sure to check out the ginger infused bourbon and Siracha cocktail. Like I said before I ended the night good an loaded so some of the details here may be a bit hazy. So drink names might be one of those forgotten details however ask for the drink by those little details and Jay will surely set you straight. finishing our time at Spread with a shot of sake. Banzai!

Round 2: This round started with the cold night air on the Portland waterfront that can be quite sobering in and of itself. We made our way to the alley and all slugged down another Never Hungover. Not a bad taste at all. Sort of a orange Tang type flavor to it. If it's good enough for the astronauts it is surely good enough for me. We checked out a few more bars here 51 Wharf, Fore Play and Pearl nightclub. One of the cool things about the Old Port is that there are rarely cover charges. So it makes my ADD charged bar hopping all that more easy. A shot of Patrone Silver with a Bud Light back is sort of like polishing chrome with a dirty rag however it was doing the trick. Tequila makes me an amazing dancer and daddy was starting to get happy feet! Follow this with another shot and another Bud Light and round 2 is now over.

 Round 3: We hit the street once again and this time our choice in bars where the Chameleon, Old Port Tavern and Gritty's. This is were things normally get a bit dicey. Depending on the type of drunk you are your colors start to show. Anger issues, sad drunks begin getting that familiar lump in their throat and drunk texting begins in hopes of a post last call booty call. I myself am a goofy drunk and I'm feeling happy.

Round 4: This is the final round. Money is running out. We are all old and usually can't stay awake all night like we use to. Like my Pops always says "All my crazy friends ain't so crazy no more." Due to budgetary confines we have now switched from Patrone Silver to Cuervo Gold Tequila and I can smell the heartburn. We all say a cheer "Here's to you. Here's to me. The best of friends we will always be. But if by chance we disagree. Screw you and here's to me!" With that we all suck down our final Never Hungover. A few parting beers, and a couple slices of pizza from Bill's Pizza. (Side note: Only eat this pizza when you are hammered. Every time I have been intoxicated and eaten this pizza it is the greatest pizza ever. However when I was a bartender in the Old Port I tried having a couple slices on the way out of work and completely sober. In the words of Julia Roberts in Pretty Woman, "Big mistake! Huge!") We are now done for the night. All feeling like we had our fill. 

The next morning: Fearing the worst I opened my eyes slowly. My first thought is what have I done and how much is it going to hurt? To my surprise Never Hungover was no joke! No Montezuma revenge, no sour stomach or screaming headache. No need for the hair of the dog or other crazy hangover remedy for this soldier. I felt fine. Admittedly I went into this challenge skeptical at best. With all the other stuff out there that is being debunked. Never Hungover really held up it's end of the bargain. Yes I realize I sound like a info-mercial for Never Hungover however I didn't even wake up next to a woman that looked like a Werewolf! 

Bottom line: Never Hungover really works! There is a lot of good science that went into this that I really don't understand. There is a lot of B Vitamins in here and I know that works to offset the effects that toxins brought about by reckless drinking brings on.

All I and you need to know is that there is stuff in here to keep you feeling like freeze dried dog shit the morning after. What we did was completely irresponsible but it was for science. So please don't intentionally do what we did. But if you do see a big night of bad decisions and possible regret coming at you like a train through a tunnel in the middle of the night, pick up a few of these little bottles. They can be found online here or at any GNC store. Trust me you will be happy you did!


1 comment:

  1. Ha ha .. OK that was an AWESOME experiment with Never Hungover! & I have no idea why Google wouldn't approve you, they're missing out on some good hits considering most of the world is worse than sophomoric now! Keep up the good blogs!