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Thoughts, stories, ideas, recipes, cheers, and more... What else did you think you would get for a $1 tip?

For those of you looking for something on the more sophisticated side you have my apologies. This blog unfortunately mirrors the author (yours truly.) Some of the humor is not for everyone but I liked it and it's my blog so there! My patrons sometimes ask me where I come up with some of this stuff. I am glad to tell them my mind is a lot like Canada. It is sometimes a bit cold, there are a few dark corners, some of it down right confusing and even a bit dirty but there is also a lot of neat stuff up there. So I hope you all enjoy this blog! ... Cheers!

Wednesday, March 26, 2014

Tense Moments

Whenever I tell someone that I am a bartender, the response I get is usually "bet you have seen some crazy things." Yes, of course I have! Then I am usually asked "what is the craziest thing you have ever seen?" There are far to many of crazy things for me to count really. I mean how does one rank the things I have seen in order of crazy to tame I am not sure. But keeping in mind why I created this site ever to begin with is to share some of these stories with all of you. So here is one of many. Keep in mind I couldn't make this stuff up even if I tried so... Enjoy!

Awhile back I was bar tending at this little sports bar "Casey's" in Methuen, Massachusetts. I started to build a nice little following and was getting offers to bar tend private parties. I was approached one night by a couple asking me if I had any problems with people being naked at a private party? I think my response was along the lines of  "Nope! And you now have my attention." They presented the parties to me as a group of erotic minded friends and they have these parties a couple of times a month. They would pay me $200 to walk in the door and then all tips would be mine as well. They held these parties ether at their home or in  large hotel suite and the whole thing was in their words "nothing to crazy and just some friends that like to get together have a few drinks and some laughs. Count me in!
When I got to the hotel to set up my bar in the hotel suite I was met at the door by the Lynn and John the husband and wife that ran these parties. They were a couple in their mid to late 50's both in good shape and extremely friendly. Not knowing going into the party the theme was "women in lingerie" and Lynn was dressed already in a little lacy number with clear stripper heels to complete her look.

I on the other hand was dressed in a pair of khaki pants and a golf shirt looking like Lewis straight out of
Revenge of the Nerds and the only thing I was missing was a pocket protector. I was told to be dressed neat and clean and I remember asking my Mom what I should wear to work a private function. I even had my shirt tucked in!

Side note: Clear heels remind me of Chris Rock talking about the "Stripper Myth."

Turns out Lynn and John had sugar coated the shin-dig and it was a full on swingers party! Not that this would have made a difference to me except in maybe how I dressed for the event but I digress...

So couples and singles started filtering into this party till the entire suite was filled. Now you have to picture the layout of this modern day Sodom and Gomorrah hotel suite in order to get the full effect of the following events. When you walk into the room from the hallway of the Holiday Inn there is a kitchenette immediately
on your left and a bar type counter this was my post. The kitchenette doubled as my bar for the night directly ahead of was living room type space with 2 bedrooms to your left and one large adjoined bedroom to the right. To the back of the living room was a small couch and a couple of chairs and a sliding door leading to the patio to the very back of the room. Got all that? 

As the night went on the crowd grew to about 40 couples and 10 assorted single men and women. One of the women was a girl named Amy. She had the ability to be the life of the party even if the party was an insurance convention held in a cardboard box. Come to find out down the road a ways Amy also had a greater affinity for cocaine.

Now here is where the party gets fun. A guy named Mike was chatting Amy up and talked her into allowing him to orally satisfy her while she sat in one of the high-back chairs to the rear of the hotel suite. Amy dressed in a little baby doll piece of lingerie and little more sat back in the chair and threw her legs over each of the arm rests letting Mike go to work.

Amy thoroughly enjoying the attention Mike asked if there was anything off limits and Amy gave him the green light. After a good tongue lashing and a couple fingers Mike decided to slip a couple fingers into Amy's "3rd input." This seemed to make Amy quite happy.

Then there was a knock at the door and Lynn doing her hosting duties answered it to allow the new party guests to come in. It was 2 guys one of them was a large guy named Jeff. Lynn being all of 5'5" with her stripper heels on and Jeff at 6'5" made it easy for him to see over and beyond Lynn from the hallway with ease. Before he could even get into the door he spotted Amy in full pleasure mode with Mike kneeling in front of her with a face full of Amy and knuckle deep in her butt. 

"Amy, you whore!" Jeff yelled across the room from the hallway of the Holiday Inn. Amy quickly snapped out of her rapture to see her boyfriend Jeff standing at the door with one of his friends. "Holy crap Jeff!" she stood up and stepped over Mike who was still on his knees with 2 fingers stuck in Amy. In the excitement and stress of the moment Amy tensed up causing a muscle spasm and somehow had Mike locked in her backdoor! As Amy started to charge toward the front door of the suite Mike half dressed on her knees was trailing behind her quite literally like a runaway bull at a rodeo dragging it's rider.

Now picture if you can every couple of steps Amy took she stopped to smack poor Mike who could not get loose from Amy's sphincter grip and then turned back to yell at Jeff who was in the midst of berating Amy! Mike the entire time yelling that he couldn't get loose and was trying. Lynn standing between the two of them and trying to get them all to settle down  before they all got kicked out of the hotel. And Amy questioning what Jeff was doing there to begin with all while trying to fend off Jeff from kicking Mike's half naked and stuck self while John the other host trying to grab at Mike to help him get free!
After about what seemed like 20 minutes but was only 15 seconds Amy did a sort of weird squatting motion and Mike along with a little brown nugget was sent to the floor. As Mike crawled quickly away to the bathroom half to wash up and half to hide from Jeff. Everyone took a moment to stare at the poop on the floor as though time had stopped. 

A moment later they where all back to pointing fingers at each other and calling names. As it turns out neither Jeff nor Amy knew each other would be at this party they just both happened to answer the same invite autonomously of each other not wanting the other to know that they had such carnal desires for fear of what the other might think so early on in their relationship. They went out to the parking lot of the hotel and I guess figured it out and came back to the party ready to present themselves as a couple and enjoy this together. 

When they walked in the door of the hotel the second time Mike had thought they left for good. Mike took one look at Jeff and feared for his life still bruised and scratched on his head from Amy just a half-hour before and ran straight for the balcony of the hotel. We where up on the 3rd floor so I am not sure what the heck he was going to do. At least he had pants on this time. 

All is well that ends well however. Amy and Jeff ended up hooking up with another couple and while they were holed up in a bedroom having fun Mike hit the bricks like his ass was on fire. I made a more drinks and even a shot of tequila for Mike and the hosts. I left that night with about $500 and a front row seat to a great story to be told here today. Yup, that happened! 



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