Bless this Blog.

Looking for a Bartender for your next function? E-Mail or Call Me! (207) 432-5056

Thoughts, stories, ideas, recipes, cheers, and more... What else did you think you would get for a $1 tip?

For those of you looking for something on the more sophisticated side you have my apologies. This blog unfortunately mirrors the author (yours truly.) Some of the humor is not for everyone but I liked it and it's my blog so there! My patrons sometimes ask me where I come up with some of this stuff. I am glad to tell them my mind is a lot like Canada. It is sometimes a bit cold, there are a few dark corners, some of it down right confusing and even a bit dirty but there is also a lot of neat stuff up there. So I hope you all enjoy this blog! ... Cheers!

Saturday, January 29, 2011

Gearing up for Saturday Night at the Bar.

Tonight I will be behind the bar at the Meadowmere Resort's West Meadow Pub. Saturday night is always a lot of fun. We have live entertainment, cheers, dancing and general debauchery. So to gear up for the night here are a few cheers to set the mood.

"May you all live to be 100 years, with one extra year to repent."

My friends are the best friends
Loyal, willing and able.
Now let’s get to drinking!
All glasses off the table!

Here is to Strangers! They are all just friends just waiting to happen!

I asked God for water, he gave me an ocean.
I asked God for a flower, he gave me a garden.
I asked God for a tree, he gave me a forest.
I asked God for a friend, he gave me all of YOU!

"True friendship is like sound health; the value of it is seldom known until it be lost."

To Sex! Sex is never the answer. Sex is the question. YES is the answer!


Friday, January 28, 2011

Goggle Grogg and Skiing at Sunday River

This past week was filled with skiing at Sunday River in Newry, Maine and maybe a little bit of drinking too. A great mountain and lots of trails and fresh powder. So what better to do after a full day of skiing?? Apres Ski! A little after ski drinking is definitely in order. I sat my big ass down at the slope side bar perfectly named The Foggy Goggle.

The Foggy Goggle is where I came upon the drink of the night errr nights... Goggle Grog. This is a sweet rum punch served in a small bucket. Each bucket serves between 4 to 6 people, or in my case 1 person 6 times! So grab a bucket of your own and here is the recipe. Enjoy!

Goggle Grog
Recipe yields a 32oz beverage.
Serve over ice
4 oz. - Pineapple Rum
4 oz. - Mango Rum
4 oz. - Banana Rum
4 oz. - Coconut Rum
Finish with equal parts
Orange, Cranberry and Pineapple juice juice

* Warning: To much of this punch may make you impers
onate a grizzly bear...

Thursday, January 20, 2011

Martini of the Week

This weeks martini creation is going to touch a bit more on the fruity side. Like my buddy Shawn says "Fruity, yet plucky!" So here is this weeks little glass of joy!

Blue Sky Beach Martini
2 oz. - Vanilla Vodka 1 oz. - Banana Liqueur 1 oz. - Coconut cream 1/2 oz. - Blue Curacao Shake over ice and strain!

Damn That's Funny!

Last night I had 3 people at one end of the bar. 2 gentlemen and a older and a bit crotchety woman. They were speaking about places they had been and what they liked when I mentioned I was living in Philadelphia prior to coming to Maine. To this the older woman said she hated Philadelphia. I protested and started to talk on all the wonderful parts of Philly. Then she dropped this gem...

"If God wanted to give the world and enema, that is were he would put the nozzle!"

Ahhhh they are so precious at that age!


Monday, January 17, 2011

A Few Cocktails that Make You Yern for the South

This past weekend was a whole lot of fun at the Meadowmere Resort, West Meadow Pub! We drank, we cheered, sang and even danced! The White Chocolate martini's where by far the drink of the night! However in all this commotion I came up with a brand new drink for you all to sip. I have a great love for the south-land and that is what inspired me to create the Southern Pear. The other is my love for women and thus the Southern Belle Cocktail. - Cheers!

*Charles the Bartender Original Recipe*
The Southern Pear
Over Ice in a Pint glass
2 oz. - Pear Vodka
Fill with Peach juice
Top with Southern Comfort
Garnish with a Orange twist

Southern Belle Martini

1 oz. - Vodka
2 oz. - Lemonade
2 oz. - Sweet Tea
1 oz. - Amaretto
1/2 oz. - Limoncello
Shake over ice and strain
Garnish with a sugared lemon

Toast to Southern Belles everywhere:
"Here is to the Southern Belle! Sweet as sugar, Mean as Hell!"

Cheers to the Girl with the Little Red Shoes!

Here are a few cheers that I found this week! Who doesn't like a girl in little red shoes?

Here’s to the girl with the little red shoes
she’ll steal your money and drink your booze
but when she kisses oh so sweet
she makes things stand that have no feet.

Here’s to the girl with the little red shoes,
She lives in my house and drinks all my booze.
She’s not a virgin, but that’s no sin,
She still has the box that the cherry came in.

Wednesday, January 12, 2011

First Kisses

The other day I was at the bar and we were discussing our very first kiss. The feelings we had the thoughts of how wrong it was and then how right it felt. The butterflies we all still got to this day. The fun in sneaking that said kiss, and how it never gets old. Soft lips and sweet taste that lingers there after. Then the thoughts that remain forever. So here is the First Kiss martini. Pucker up and enjoy!

First Kiss Martini
2 oz. - Vodka
1 oz. - Peach Pure
1 oz. - Peach Liqueur
1 oz. - Pineapple juice
Shake over ice & strain
Top with Champagne
Splash with Grenadine
Seal with a kiss!

Garnish with a Strawberry

Tuesday, January 11, 2011

A Few Fun and Flirty Martinis

Tonight Northern New England is going to get pounded by another good snow storm. Now I love this area I really do but seriously this snow gives me the blues and makes me wish for the islands and sun. So here are a couple fun and flirty martinis to match that spirit.

2 Chunks - Fresh Pineapple
1/2 oz. - Cointreau
Muddle these in the bottom of a tin
1 oz. - Vodka
1 oz. - Pineapple juice
Splash of Chambord
Shake this all over ice and strain
Fill Martini glass with Champagne

Couples Retreat Martini
2 oz. - Coconut Rum
2 oz. - Coconut cream
2 oz. - Pineapple juice
Shake and strain over ice
Top with a Splash of Melon Liqueur

Naughty School Girl
2 oz. - Raspberry Vodka
3 oz. - Fresh Lemonade
1/2 oz. - Pomegranate Liqueur
Shake over ice and strain
Garnish with a lollipop

Thursday, January 6, 2011

Mmmmmmm Dessert! The Tiramisu Martini

One of my behind the bar gigs is at a Italian restaurant and for dessert they are well known for their Tiramisu for those of you who do not know what this is I will explain using Wikipedia.

"Tiramisu (Italian: tiramisù; Venetian: tiramesù [tirameˈsu]; literally "pull me up") is one of the most popular Italian cakes. It is made of biscuits (usually savoiardi) dipped in coffee, layered with a whipped mixture of egg yolks and mascarpone, and flavored with liquor and cocoa.[1] The recipe has been adapted into many varieties of puddings, cakes and other desserts."

OK now with that said I figure for those who don't want to eat anymore after a big Italian meal but still crave dessert here is the Tiramisu Martini.

Tiramisu Martini
1 oz. - Espresso (cold)
2 oz. - Vanilla Vodka
1/2 oz. - Irish Cream
1/2 oz. - Spiced Rum
1/2 oz. Creme de Cocoa (dark or light)
Splash of Grand Mariner
Garnish with Chocolate shavings


Just Ask Me... I'll Tell Ya!

I have been slacking a bit on this column as of late. I have had a lot of questions come my way and with the holiday's and all I just haven't had the time to answer them. So this week the questions are right in my wheel house in dealing with sex and relationships from both the male and female perspective. I have been actually getting questions sent to me on e-mail and I better come through on the answers chop-chop! So here goes...

Dear Bartender,
I have been dating this girl for 3 months and she refuses to have oral sex. This is something I love and want to now how I can make her go down there and get to down to business?
Jimmy - Boston, MA

A: Jimmy, They still make women in that model?!?! I thought this was a option that came standard like AM/FM radio or power brakes in all Chevy's! Alright seriously there is no way to "make her" go down on you. I am going to take a page out of DR. Phil's notebook here and tell you that if you really like this girl and this is a deal breaker for you then talk to her about it. Communication is key when getting what we want. Those who do not ask do not get is something I say quite often. Now what might help entice your girlfriend to move in that direction... Does your girlfriend like Chocolate syrup, whipped cream or jam? If the answer is yes you can always have a little fun with food and lure her down the happy trail there and just like hunters do with deer pellets leave a little extra around where you would like her to pay special attention to warm her up to the idea. If she still resists and this is a deal breaker for you then this may not be the girl for you. Remember dating is a lot like shopping for fresh produce you get to pick up as many as you like and give them a squeeze and a smell before buying. I hope this helps because now I am hungry!

Dear Bartender,

I am a 28 year old woman and I have been with the same man for the past 6 years. I use to have Orgasms all the time with past boyfriends but this guy for all his kindness and warmth and love is a complete dud in bed and I never had an Orgasm with him. I hear my girlfriends talking about all their wild and crazy sexual exploits and think why can't that be me?
Susan - Richmond, VA

A: Susan, My number is (603)233... Sorry let me start over. Like my mom always use to say, "sex is like Chinese food. It ain't over till you both get your cookies." I think you need to talk to your man abou this. Stop faking it and tell him what really blows your skirt up! You would be surprised what us men can do when we have a little direction. We would ask for direction but much like when we are behind the wheel of the car pride tends to get in the way. So just mention it next time with a little whisper in his ear to do a little of this or a little more of that and you will more than likely be suprised with his reaction when he sees yours! If he still refuses to take a little costructive critisism maybe love is not all you need and it might be time to put yourself back on the open market. Trust me cranky and frustrated is no way to go through life.

If you have questions for me send me them at

Monday, January 3, 2011


New Years Eve was absolute mayhem. The bar was just crazy to say the least and with only 2 bartenders on it was a rush the entire night. Even in this insanity There was a funny moment or two and this one I had to share.

Local law enforcement spends their New Years eve from 5 to 7pm at our restaurant having dinner at the bar every year. Just the chiefs, the clerks, and some of the detectives and their spouses. In the corner of the bar sat one of the clerks and her husband. I would say they where late 60's to mid 70's in age.

The wife starts to tell the rest of the group with great pride how she has woken up every morning this past week and did a workout on the Wii system and has been vigilant in doing so for the past 2 weeks.

The husband hears all this and slowly looks up from his scotch in enough time to say "hi, I'm Wii!"

Without batting an eyelash she says "You best be quiet or it is game over for you Super Mario."