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Thoughts, stories, ideas, recipes, cheers, and more... What else did you think you would get for a $1 tip?

For those of you looking for something on the more sophisticated side you have my apologies. This blog unfortunately mirrors the author (yours truly.) Some of the humor is not for everyone but I liked it and it's my blog so there! My patrons sometimes ask me where I come up with some of this stuff. I am glad to tell them my mind is a lot like Canada. It is sometimes a bit cold, there are a few dark corners, some of it down right confusing and even a bit dirty but there is also a lot of neat stuff up there. So I hope you all enjoy this blog! ... Cheers!

Wednesday, October 23, 2013

The Importance of Education

As of late I've been looking into the possibility of going back to school. In a time so long ago and in a land so far far away I attended Norwich Military University a small military university settled just far enough into the mountains of Vermont so no one can hear you scream. While all my friends went to schools like University of New Hampshire, Keene State and Plymouth State all well known less for their academia and better for their active student life and reputations of epic parties. Instead I opted for a dry campus, shoe shine parties and doing push ups just about everywhere. Now I certainly am not looking to relive those years of achene, awkward conversations with women, suspect grooming capabilities and living only for the next 20 minutes with total disregard for the future. Even my healing time was fast then. I swear I could have cut off my arm and watch it heal in the mirror. Now if I stub my toe I'm out of commission for 3 days.

Now back to what i was saying... I have a few friends with their Doctorate degrees. I refuse to call any of them Doctor. Like my Grandfather use to say, "you could be the greatest leader of this world and I still wouldn't follow you across the street." He would also go on to add that he didn't believe I could "find my asshole with both thumbs, a map, compass and a flashlight in broad daylight." I always found that last part unnecessary.

One of my oldest and dearest friends, we will call him "Dr. B" to keep his identity sealed is a Doctor of Mathematics and works in the high tech field. Essentially one of those as they say in New England "wicked smart guys." the type of guy a company pays a butt load of money to lock him away in an office and figure out something groundbreaking. Although I have done pretty well without it, I always envied his level of education and thought often about going back to school. Now I am not sure I will ever attain the almighty Doctorate degree in this life. However "Dr. Charles The Bartender" certainly has a nice ring to it. To add to this my closest friend, Shawn works within the higher ed field and will be the first to tell you that a degree is something no one can ever take away from you. Whenever he speaks about this education I feel like the Great and Powerful Oz speaking to the Scarecrow...

Wizard of Oz: From the rock-bound coast of Maine to the Sun.... oh - oh, no -- -- ah - Well, be that as it may. Back where I come from we have universities, seats of great learning -- where men go to become great thinkers.
And when they come out, they think deep thoughts -- and with no more brains than you have.... But! They have one thing you haven't got! A diploma!

** The Wizard reaches back and obtains several diplomas -- selecting one and presents it to the Scarecrow as Dorothy, Tin Man and the Lion look on **

Wizard of Oz: Therefore, by virtue of the authority vested in me by the Universitatus Committeeatum e plurbis unum, I hereby confer upon you the honorary degree of Th.D.

Scarecrow: Th.D.?

Wizard of Oz: Yeah -- that...that's Dr. of Thinkology!

Scarecrow: The sum of the square roots of any two sides of an isosceles triangle is equal to the square root of the remaining side. Oh joy, rapture! I've got a brain!

After this meeting about my mind I left hopeful for my future learning experience. Although throughout this entire process I couldn't help but remember some of my past times with Dr. B. You see like I said previously he was a Doctor of Mathematics and obviously a bit smarter than your average party girl we use to run across in our favorite watering holes. Dr. B is also Australian and between that laid on thick Aussie accent and a business card bearing his name and title I rarely had a chance to take first place in the pretty girl race. I spent many a night stewing as the wing-man. The funniest part is that he wouldn't even sleep with these nit-wits. It was more like a flexing of his pick-up muscles, he would merely get the phone number and throw it away! Why you might ask? "Because I can" he would reply. Hell at least I would put out! Trust me I might not be bright and I might not be rich, or great looking but I am easy!

Although every so often I would be the one in the lead. I would be the one for once about to get the pretty girl. I could see the finish line and I was in the drivers seat. Just at this moment Dr. B would say something like "trust me I'm a Doctor" and then show them the card. Game over! Standing there all I could think is "Of mathematics!!! what are you going to do? Help them solve for Pi?" "Look at his title for Christ sake you ninny! it's VoIP!" there is not a stitch of medical to it!" If ever they did ask he would just tell them it was V.I.P. of Doctors AND THEY BELIEVED HIM!!! After that it was "yes, I have met your friend." "Yeah she seems like a nice person." Game, set, match. I was spending the rest of the evening talking to the friend about her cats and over active thyroid gland. The words of the Wizard ringing in my ears once again.

Wizard of Oz: [booming voice] And you, Scarecrow, have the affrontery to ask for a brain, you billowing bale of bovine fodder!

Scarecrow: Y-Yes... Yes, Your Honor... I mean, Your Excellency... I-I mean, Your Wizardry.
Wizard of Oz: [booming] Enough! 

Now even though I wasn't the one getting the girl. I did have a lot to thank Dr. B for. The crumbs weren't always that bad and nor was the perks. I can remember one time his B.S-ing the powers that be at a large and over-booked casino on a busy weekend into giving us a very nice room when we didn't even have reservations. Something tells me that the card came out then too.

So to Dr. B, Shawn and all the others in my life that have stressed the importance of education. I say thank you. Like Rodney Dangerfield in 1986 I will be going back to school. You will all be my motivation. Who knows maybe someday I too will hold the title of Doctor.


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