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Thoughts, stories, ideas, recipes, cheers, and more... What else did you think you would get for a $1 tip?

For those of you looking for something on the more sophisticated side you have my apologies. This blog unfortunately mirrors the author (yours truly.) Some of the humor is not for everyone but I liked it and it's my blog so there! My patrons sometimes ask me where I come up with some of this stuff. I am glad to tell them my mind is a lot like Canada. It is sometimes a bit cold, there are a few dark corners, some of it down right confusing and even a bit dirty but there is also a lot of neat stuff up there. So I hope you all enjoy this blog! ... Cheers!

Sunday, March 11, 2012

The Little Story of the Night

First of all let me say that this story is not for the feint of heart, but this blog is called stories from the bartender. You've been warned.

We all have our own dirty little stories. This was absolutely the case last night. What I am about to tell is a story told to me by a guy at my bar sitting with his wife. I wish I could make this stuff up, but even better than that I can just sit back and take it all in...

This couple is from middle Vermont which already says quite a bit about them. His name is Dan and he tells me "I have have a story about a midget." Me, "I'm listening..." Turns out this guy goes to a bar one night and has a few when in comes a midget in a motorized wheelchair. As the story goes Dan gets cozy with the little person who was in his words "3 foot nothing." Dan is only 5'5" maybe himself. Next thing you know Dan is loading a motorized wheelchair that weighs a ton into the back of his truck and ready to take this meeting to the next level.

Traveling down the road things start to get heated in the front seat of his truck. Suddenly she announces she "has to poop!" So where do they stop? McDonald's! I swear this has become quite the laboratory hot spot. must be something about how they are around every corner. But seriously every time I hear about someone having a bathroom emergency, they wind up at the golden arches. Sex is the Burger King.

I digress, she runs into the ladies room and she is in there for sometime when Dan finally starts to get worried. So as any responsible caring gentleman would do he goes into the ladies room to see what is the matter. When he walks in he finds the little lady buck naked standing on the sink. He asks what she is doing and she says "washing my hands." Taking his cue Dan drops trow and gets to work. With the midget hanging onto the sink and dangling 3 feet above the floor and Dan just hammering away. In walks the female manager of the burger joint.

As the story goes the manager takes one glance says "excuse me!" and runs away. So what does Dan do? Gets right back to business. A few minutes later there is a knock at the door and it's the local PD asking if they can come in or if Dan can come out. Dan comes out and leaves the midget behind. Turns out the police seem to think he is molesting a child in the McDonald's bathroom. True story!

Dan after this story topped off the evening with his wife by starting a bar fight in my bar and had the police called on him and his wife for assaulting a woman in the bar by smacking a big girl on the ass. Thank you all very much and goodnight everybody!


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