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Thoughts, stories, ideas, recipes, cheers, and more... What else did you think you would get for a $1 tip?

For those of you looking for something on the more sophisticated side you have my apologies. This blog unfortunately mirrors the author (yours truly.) Some of the humor is not for everyone but I liked it and it's my blog so there! My patrons sometimes ask me where I come up with some of this stuff. I am glad to tell them my mind is a lot like Canada. It is sometimes a bit cold, there are a few dark corners, some of it down right confusing and even a bit dirty but there is also a lot of neat stuff up there. So I hope you all enjoy this blog! ... Cheers!

Sunday, June 3, 2012

I Don't Want To See You go, But Like watching Her Walk Away!

In the immortal words of Salt and Peppa "Let's talk about sex, Baby!" Not just any sex however. Keep in mind my mind is a lot like the country of Mexico. A few dark corners, some of them hot, others sticky, some pretty cool stuff in there, but very dirty too. The sort of dirty that makes you want to bathe in Purell. So feel free to follow me through this dark and dirty topic but please for the love of God don't touch anything and wash your hands immediately following our tour.

You see today my topic is the butt. The butt made Sir Mix-A-Lot a legend. It has made Jennifer Lopez a sex symbol and Hispanic women everywhere just a bit more caliente. This started a fad of women everywhere getting butt implants to give that posterior a better shape and even better bum cleavage. Not to be forgotten given big girls everywhere a second glance. They are no longer fat, they are now "curvacious," with the ass being the rallying point. Growing up we use to say she has an ass like an end table and now we all just look and say "Daaaammmmmnnnnn!"

But let's face it as men its not necessarily the curve of the mountain as much as what lies in the valley that we are after. Thanks to the ever expanding internet porn industry the bar has been raised on kinky. What use to be seen as risque is now seen as pedestrian. Being a fellow man, pervert and ass enthusiast myself I am happy to see this day come. But what is it about the ass that excites us?

My grandfather always says he's a leg man and then when asked why the legs he says because they lead straight to the ass. You have to admit the old timer has a good point. However to think about a sweet senior citizen couple trying to work the just the tip angle will shrivel my Mr Winkey into his turtleneck for a good long time to come. Unfortunately you just know it happens in retirement homes all over this great land. I can almost here Jerry Seinfeld saying "How about anal sex huh? What's up with that?"

What is up with that indeed? So there we are having good old fashion sex. Just penis and vagina working as one toward a common goal and it feels wonderful! The vagina is such a perfect organism when it comes to sexual pleasure. It is soft, self lubricating, self cleaning and full of nerve endings just ripe for the picking. Then all of a sudden something in pops up in our head and says "Hey this whole pussy thing is great and all but there is a sewage treatment plant right around the corner that I have been meaning to check out." WHAT??!!! However there is always that one week a month... In the wise words of Ron White, "Just because the roller coaster is broke doesn't mean they shut down the whole amusement park! If they did you know guys would be outside the fence pointing and saying what about the log ride?"

So there we are trying to talk our way into dumpster diving along the old dirt road. Why is this I am unsure. Maybe it is like Star Trek and we want to voyage to a place no man has been before. Maybe it has to do with asserting our dominance and being the king of the jungle via the Hershey highway. Sam Kineson use to say it was just to hear that high pitched squeal that pretty little lady emits between saying "slow! slow!" and "we need more lube." I have to admit there is something hot and a little evil there. Hell one time I used olive oil in a pinch. No matter how adept she is about having the poop shoot plundered  you just feel like you are packing a monster in your pants when she is squirming to make things a bit more comfortable. Sort of the same feeling when she gags a little. Makes even the Irish feel like today is the day to buy Magnum condoms.

So why we love it is a mystery. Whatever it is that makes up want to push a pinky in your honey's little brown starfish. I say go for it! I mean there are girls all over the internet that have a wind tunnel for a 3rd input. So what use to be taboo is now pedestrian. You have to stay ahead of the curve. Tomorrow it could be ear sex next... ewww what a perverted thought that is!


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