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Thoughts, stories, ideas, recipes, cheers, and more... What else did you think you would get for a $1 tip?

For those of you looking for something on the more sophisticated side you have my apologies. This blog unfortunately mirrors the author (yours truly.) Some of the humor is not for everyone but I liked it and it's my blog so there! My patrons sometimes ask me where I come up with some of this stuff. I am glad to tell them my mind is a lot like Canada. It is sometimes a bit cold, there are a few dark corners, some of it down right confusing and even a bit dirty but there is also a lot of neat stuff up there. So I hope you all enjoy this blog! ... Cheers!

Wednesday, May 30, 2012

Actual Conversation from this Weekend

Friday night in the upper bar got a little slow at one point. 2 guys in their mid 20's came up to grab a drink and talk. One was a short, chubby redhead with a gold chain outside his shirt we will call him "Eric." The other of Indian decent and at 5'8" could not have weighed more than 150 lbs. we will call him "Jay." The conversation that ensued I couldn't make up and was definitely giggle worthy. Here is a taste of my Friday night...

Eric: (to his friend Jay) Hey man what's your target tonight?
Jay: I don't know maybe grab a few more drinks, dance with some girls and see what happens.
Eric: No man, what's your vagina target? Who are you looking at?
Jay: Uhhhmmm... No one really yet I guess.
Eric: Come on man time is wasting and you don't want to be the only one empty handed at the end of the night.
Jay: I need a beer.

Me: Hey guys what's up? What can I get you?
Jay: Bud Light.
Eric: What is your cheapest drink?
Me: $3 Coors Light.
Eric: I'll take one of those. (Giving me $3 exactly. No tip.)

Me: Hi my name is Charles
Eric: I'm Eric but everyone calls me "Jackal"
Me: Why "Jackal?"
Eric (Now Jackal): Because of my last name and all the ladies will remember Jackal better than Eric.
Me: Chubby redhead guy isn't enough I guess. What is your last name?
Eric (Now Jackal): Jackson
Me: How do you get Jackal from Jackson? You know what never mind.
Jay: I'm just Jay

Eric (now Jackal): So are you just a bartender here or somewhere else too.
Me: I tend bar at one other place in Ogunquit, Maine and I have a day job also.
Jackal: I guess you need a better day job huh?
Me: Why is that?
Jackal: So you can be on this side of the bar instead of being here on the weekends. (acting like a big timer)
Me: Oh really!
Jackal: Yeah it's a lot more fun out here instead of having to work all night.
Me: OK, let's play this game.
Jay: Oh damn here it comes...

Me: How many women are you going to talk to tonight do you think?
Jackal: Tonight? A lot! There are all kinds of women here ready to go.
Me: OK How many have you spoken to so far?
Jay: 3 at the most.
Me: And how did that go for you?
Jay: He is up here with me.
Jackal: I just needed a break and wanted a drink.
Me: Alright, so it's 11:00 now and you are at 3 so far. By the end of the night let's say you have had a great night. How many women might you talk to?
Jackal: Like 30.
Jay: Yeah right!
Me: No let's give him the benefit of the doubt.
Me: If you meet a nice girl with low morals will you buy her a drink or two?
Jackal: Yeah.
Me: So how much money on drinks will you spend? Say $50 or $60 to be on the safe side because we know you're not a tipper.
Jackal: I was going to tip you.
Me: OK
Jay: Here you go (hands me a dollar.)
Me: So what is your opening line to start a conversation with these ladies?
Jackal: I don't know I just say something nice like you're pretty or some shit.
Me: Regular Don Juan!
Jackal: Or I just dance up on them.
Me: The sneak attack method!

Me: OK So far you will talk to 30 or so women but it is forced conversation or sneak up on them and grind your junk against them till they submit to questioning.You will spend at least $50 in the process and maybe then just maybe you will get a number or possibly get lucky.

Jackal: (laughing) Well not just like that...
Jay: He sort of has you pegged
Me: OK now let me tell you about my night... I have already spoken to at least 50 women and will talk to at least another 100 before the end of the night. Even better I don't have to sneak up on them. They come to me. Oh and here is my opening line; "Hi what can I get you to drink?" Even better I don't spend a dime. In fact they pay me, and tip a lot better than you too.
Jackal: Uhhh
Me: Still think being a bartender is no fun? You might want to get busy on your night only a few hours till last call.
Jay: Let's go! 

Saturday afternoon Jackal and Jay come back in the bar. Jackal has an ice cream cone and looks rough. He forgot his credit card at the bar and forgot to close out his tab for the night. 

Me: How did it go last night fellas?
Jackal: It was good. You know we got some bites.
Me: Bites?
Jay: We left here at last call and got breakfast. He tried talking to every girl he saw to prove you wrong and still ended the night with just his pillow and a hangover today.
Jackal: Whatever... I need to get my credit card I forgot it here.
Me: Here it is. We closed out your tab at the end of the night and automatically added a 20% gratuity.
Jackal: Oh 20%?
Me: Yup! 20% Thanks for the tip!

Me: Cheers!

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