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For those of you looking for something on the more sophisticated side you have my apologies. This blog unfortunately mirrors the author (yours truly.) Some of the humor is not for everyone but I liked it and it's my blog so there! My patrons sometimes ask me where I come up with some of this stuff. I am glad to tell them my mind is a lot like Canada. It is sometimes a bit cold, there are a few dark corners, some of it down right confusing and even a bit dirty but there is also a lot of neat stuff up there. So I hope you all enjoy this blog! ... Cheers!

Monday, September 3, 2012

Bucket List

I was sitting up late or early depending on how you look at it. All I know is that I was in bed and the clock was in the AM hours and the numbers were very small. Now as we all know when you get to this witching hour the mind starts to think funny things. Some odd and never at all possible and others a bit more salacious (damn you Cinemax.) As I lay there listening to the many ohh's and ahh's of the undulating half naked bodies carefully blocking out the naughty bits just hoping one of the actresses slip a little to the left and the editor didn't catch it in post production. Trying to get some sleep but no real end in sight. I figure out two things. First is that I have made a serious error in choosing a career. I NEVER saw the table for soft core porn model at my high school career fair. Not that with my brilliant physique I would have ever been chosen but it sure would have been fun going through the tryouts. If there was one I am certain they would have been out of pamphlets within the first 30 seconds and the presenter would have been in far greater demand than Mr. Cookman the shop teacher/drivers ed instructor speaking about a path in the auto repair industry.

Second thing, completely unrelated is that there are a wide variety of events out there geared at getting peoples rocks off in a entirely different way than what Cinemax is currently presenting. Most of these are completely insane but so damn cool! Now try to follow me on my thought process and I swear I'm going somewhere with this.

As I continued to flip though the channels as my eyelids got heavier I ran across the movie "Bucket List" with Morgan Freeman and Jack Nicholson. A pretty solid "drama-dy" (part drama part comedy) about a couple of men faced with death due to different types of cancer who decide to make a wish list of all the things they wanted to ever do in life if they had all the money in the world. Just so happened the character played by Nicholson was a multimillionaire complete with private jets and top notch healthcare and he finds a kindred spirit in Freeman's character. So off they go on this journey to do all the things on their "bucket lists." With all that said I really should have found a job writing Cliffs Notes.

So as the light in the room continues to close I couldn't help but think of some things that have been and would be on my very own bucket list. This is not going to be anything mushy and sentimental either like dancing with my late grandfather or ridiculous like meeting Jesus. Let's face it I plan to do all that someday anyway but I am not so certain about the warmth of my reception to the later. This is just a bunch of cool stuff if you will that everyone should try to do at least once in their life. Here starts another one of my ever famous lists.

Red Bull Flugtag.
Running with the Bulls.
Sky Diving (check.)
Racing a Formula 1 car.
Set foot on all 7 continents
Key West Fantasy Fest
Go on an African safari.
Chase a tornado

Cliff diving.
Riding the rapids in a kayak.
Throw tomatoes at La Tomatina
Sex with a midget (and check.) 
Win a championship of some kind where a big trophy is awarded.
Travel outside of the United States.
 Have a sit down chat with your hero and see that they are a regular person just like you.
Go streaking.
Get a tattoo that means something to you.
Go spelunking (cave diving.)
Ride in a hot air balloon.

Swim with sharks.
See the pyramids.
Be in a movie.
Be famous for something if just for 20 minutes.
Learn to play a musical instrument.
Do Burning Man.
Para sailing.
Quit a job in grand style. "Alright who's with me?"
Write and publish a book, article, poem, short story or screen play.
Learn another language.
Truly dancing like no one is watching when everyone is.

Join the mile high club. (Does a hand job count here?)
Find a sexy stranger and plant your best kiss on them and pray they go with it. 
Ride the 10 largest roller coasters.
Ride a mechanical bull or depending on the bar sheep or pig.
Enter a arm wrestling contest and see if you can beat anyone. 
Vegas baby!
Bungee jumping. 
Quicky in a semi public place. (Phone booth in Montreal)
Dress as Jesus and go around forgiving, blessing, curing and signing copies of "your book" for people.

Shoot a very large powerful weapon. 
Beat a video game.
Big game hunting. 
Walk into a casino and throw down all your money on red. 
Sit back and smoke a Cuban cigar, lighting it with a $100 and drink some fine bourbon. 
Order the most expensive things on the menu.
Fly on a private jet. 
Step into the ring for one round of fighting with a champ. 

Solve a Rubic's Cube.
Climb Everest. 
Spend the night in an igloo
Get into the Guinness Book of World Records
Go to the Olympics
Drink many beers at Oktoberfest
Ride in a F-16
Learn to Tango
Get a great massage (Not the kind with the happy ending, although those are pretty great too.) 
Mardi Gras

Learn to surf

Cheese Wheel chase at cooper hill.
Sing the blues on a street corner
Buy a round of drinks for the whole bar
Go to outer space
Celebrate St. Patrick's Day ALL Day!
Paint a picture. 
Go to the airport and hop a random flight to anywhere for the weekend. 
Start your own business.
Skinny dipping!

That is all I have for right now but sleep is creeping up on me fast. Feel free to chime in if you have anything more to add.


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