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Thoughts, stories, ideas, recipes, cheers, and more... What else did you think you would get for a $1 tip?

For those of you looking for something on the more sophisticated side you have my apologies. This blog unfortunately mirrors the author (yours truly.) Some of the humor is not for everyone but I liked it and it's my blog so there! My patrons sometimes ask me where I come up with some of this stuff. I am glad to tell them my mind is a lot like Canada. It is sometimes a bit cold, there are a few dark corners, some of it down right confusing and even a bit dirty but there is also a lot of neat stuff up there. So I hope you all enjoy this blog! ... Cheers!

Wednesday, October 24, 2012

A Few Stories I've Been Meaning to Tell

The past couple months have been run at break-neck speed or at least so it seems. I have barely had the time to remember to do all the things essential to life never mind update my blog. I thank my Pop for giving me the subtle reminder to take time and smell the keyboard again and get to posting. I'm not so sure his words were quite so gentle but seeing as he doubles as my best friend in this big world he of all people is more than allowed to tell me when it is time to grab my shoulders and feel at liberty to pull my head from my posterior. I digress...

There have been a few good times at the bar and lots of little funny stories and in lew of having something to rant about currently although Halloween is quickly approaching, I will share a few funny stories from my ill spent time behind the bar. Enjoy!

 A group of 5 guys walk up to the bar acting like they are the king Guido's . One guy starts ordering drinks for the rest of his crew with zero manners and respect for anything I am currently doing.
Guy: Hey get me 2 Jack and cokes, a Jameson and ginger and a Bud Light.
Me: OK is that it? (noticing there are only 4 drinks and 5 guys) Or is that guy in time out?
Guy: No, actually it is his birthday today and I want to surprise him.
Me: Oh well (looking over at the birthday boy) Happy Birthday Dude!
The birthday boy nods to say thanks. He has obviously had a fair share to drink already.
Guy: Yeah well I want to surprise him with something. Do you have any suggestions?
Me: Definitely! Here is what you could do...
Guy: (leaning in to hear me) Yeah what do you got?
Me: Later tonight when he finally falls asleep go over and stick a finger in his butt. I am pretty sure he will be surprised. If not then look on the bright side you learned something new about your buddy.
Guy: Uh...
Me: Be sure to wash your hands before you go touching your face or anything else for that matter however after.

Dr. Charles Ph.D.?
We decided to make things a lot more interesting and more of a party atmosphere on the weekends. In talking we got to thinking that too many of us weren't having as much fun as a bartender should have and we could provide a much more fun party atmosphere for our patrons than what we were currently providing.

We came up with a plan that included me being called down from the upstairs bar between sets by the band. When I heard "Paging Dr. Charles. Paging Dr. Charles. You are needed at the Main Bar stat! Please report to the Main Bar Dr. Charles." Upon hearing this I would leave the upstairs bar and make my way down to the Main Bar dressed in a Doctors lab coat and adorned with a stethascope. With a bottle of tequila in one hand and limes in my lab coat pocket I would stand on top of the Main Bar and call out to all the "sick patrons" to come "take their medicine." Yup this accually happened...

So there I am standing on top of the bar calling out to everyone looking like Boozilla. When I tilt my head slightly back and there is a set of lights on a live wire. Everytime my head touches the wire I get zapped like a test monkey in a wierd science experiment. After the third zap there were spots in my vision and I'm pretty sure I can no longer see the color red.

So one by one I begin to administer shots of tequila to the masses. This is when one young lady decides she wants to lay on top of the bar and open her mouth. Here is where is all starts to go horribly wrong... I walk over to her trying not to knock every drink off the bar in the process. When I get to her she is laying in waiting mouth wide open. I bend down to pour the shot and don't notice I have stepped on her hair and now she is pinned to the bar and in pain. She jerks her head to free her hair and I'm already mid pour and now the shot is going directly into her eyes!

She starts trying to scream "you're on my hair" while trying to swallow the part of the shot that did make it's way directly to the back of her throat and is now choking her. When I finally realize it I move my foot off her hair and she now yells "You got it in my eye!" My answer, "Yeah that's not the first time that you have or will say that tonight!"

The solution to this was simple. She demanded a free shot and got one right away and all was happily ever after.


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