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Thoughts, stories, ideas, recipes, cheers, and more... What else did you think you would get for a $1 tip?

For those of you looking for something on the more sophisticated side you have my apologies. This blog unfortunately mirrors the author (yours truly.) Some of the humor is not for everyone but I liked it and it's my blog so there! My patrons sometimes ask me where I come up with some of this stuff. I am glad to tell them my mind is a lot like Canada. It is sometimes a bit cold, there are a few dark corners, some of it down right confusing and even a bit dirty but there is also a lot of neat stuff up there. So I hope you all enjoy this blog! ... Cheers!

Monday, July 21, 2014

More Signs of Old Age.

A couple weeks ago before I went on  my kick of getting heavy on the world I wrote a small piece about signs you are getting long in the tooth as anthropologist use to say about things that died of old age. So in giving it even more thought I have come up with a few more clues that it might be time to get ready to meet your maker. Like the Rolling Stones once sang "what a drag it is getting old..."

+ You sit and watch most if not all your teams regular season baseball games beginning to end on television.

+ Some of the commercials for drugs apply to you.

+ You still own a TV/ VCR combo.

+ You say things like when I was young and not "back in the day."

To middle age, when we begin to exchange our emotions for ­symptoms!

+ What is considered old school hip-hop used to be "your jam!"

+ Some of your favorite movie stars are dying of old age.

+ Golf on TV is now fun to watch. Even worse is that you start giving serious thought to Cialis, Levitra and Viagra commercials, because that guy sitting in the tub on the hillside looks a lot like you.

+ Neil, Diamond, Elton John and Tom Jones are among your all time favorite singers.

To our friend who is aging wonderfully. Nothing about you is old, except a few of your jokes!

+ You have rock t-shirts from 80's bands and they are not meant to be ironic.

+ Your one time tattoo of a butterfly now looks like an anaconda and it scares small children.

+ You have developed a "condition."

+ You have to stretch a little before sex.

+ You fear the final words you udder will be "Oh shit!"

To the "metallic" age - gold in our teeth, silver in our hair, and lead in our pants!

+ You use the blood pressure tester in the pharmacy with some degree of concern.

+ Speed limit signs are no longer a challenge.

+ A huge party seems like a real pain in the ass and all you can think is that it must be a real bitch to clean up after.

+ You start getting called Ma'am or Sir.

May you die in bed at age ninety-five shot by the jealous husband of a teenage wife!

+ A great night is a good dinner and falling asleep in front of the TV.

+ A great morning is a good cup of coffee and a solid poop.

+ You suddenly remember why you went in that room. Only to be side tracked for a moment with something else and forget all over again why the hell you are in that room to begin with.

+  Reading glasses are a regular accessory to your daily life. Should you lose yours not to worry all your friends and wife have them and will let you borrow them. You loose them all the time and that is why they sell them 5 for $10 at the pharmacy so you can buy a bunch to put on every surface of your home.

Here's a health to the future;
   A sigh for the past;
We can love and remember,
   And hope to the last,
And for all the base lies
   That the almanacs hold
While there's love in the heart,
   We can never grow old.

+ You invest in a sweet cherry red convertible.

+ You actually buy the extended warrantee to a electronic product and file it in a safe place.

+ You can never seem to find your keys and they are always in the same place, right in your ignition from the night before.

+ You look forward to the comfort of your own toilet seat.
What is but Age? Something to count?
Some people fight it as if climbing the mount.
I choose live with dignity and grace 
And offer a drink to all in this place

Stay young my friends!


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