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For those of you looking for something on the more sophisticated side you have my apologies. This blog unfortunately mirrors the author (yours truly.) Some of the humor is not for everyone but I liked it and it's my blog so there! My patrons sometimes ask me where I come up with some of this stuff. I am glad to tell them my mind is a lot like Canada. It is sometimes a bit cold, there are a few dark corners, some of it down right confusing and even a bit dirty but there is also a lot of neat stuff up there. So I hope you all enjoy this blog! ... Cheers!

Thursday, October 23, 2014

Isn't that Ironic

I was in the car listening to the radio when Alanis Morissette came on yammering about "Isn't that ironic." This reminded me of a recent date I had where she kept saying "well that's ironic" when really she had no idea what the word ironic means and all I could do to keep myself from driving into a telephone pole in hopes of the passenger side airbag failing to deploy, was to try and explain to this walking set of lumps and dimples. I failed... miserably.

No Alanis! Half of what you in that song isn't ironic at all. Don't know the words to the song? Here they are:

An old man turned ninety-eight
He won the lottery and died the next day
 It's a black fly in your Chardonnay
 It's a death row pardon two minutes too late
And isn't it ironic... don't you think
  It's like rain on your wedding day
It's a free ride when you've already paid
It's the good advice that you just didn't take
Who would've thought... it figures

Mr. Play It Safe was afraid to fly
He packed his suitcase and kissed his kids goodbye
He waited his whole damn life to take that flight
And as the plane crashed down he thought
"Well isn't this nice..."
And isn't it ironic... don't you think

Well life has a funny way of sneaking up on you
When you think everything's okay and everything's going right
And life has a funny way of helping you out when
You think everything's gone wrong and everything blows up
In your face

A traffic jam when you're already late
A no-smoking sign on your cigarette break
It's like ten thousand spoons when all you need is a knife
It's meeting the man of my dreams
And then meeting his beautiful wife
And isn't it ironic...don't you think
A little too ironic...and, yeah, I really do think...

Life has a funny way of sneaking up on you
Life has a funny, funny way of helping you out
Helping you out

Alright so what is irony then you may ask?

i·ron·ic (adjective) 1. using or characterized by irony. 2. happening in the opposite way to what is expected, and typically causing wry amusement because of this.
Still a little confused? Here are a few of my own examples to use as guidelines:
The family that loses their daughter because while trying to cross the street near their house a car speeding down the same street doesn't see her and runs her over. Now because we are the reactive society that we are the town puts up speed bumps and with every thud, thud of the tires going over those speed bumps it's a chilling reminder of not only how she died but also how she was a selfish pain in the ass when she lived because even now in the afterlife she is fucking up their alignment... No, that's morbid.

OK well it is like that guy that came up with the rape whistle and put them into mass production and he made a fortune. However now that everyone has them the rape numbers have gone down and he isn't making the money he use to in order to buy a new pump for his Jacuzzi and have parties at his house where he passes out roofalyn laced gummy bears and had a good old time. So now he is secretly and ironically hoping for the rape numbers to go back up so he can launch his next big idea... No that's just tragic.

OK I've got it now. It's like the guy that owns a fire sprinkler head company (true story I actually know a guy) and never bothers to get the proper insurance or service the sprinklers in his own business and then one day he has a fire and burns the entire store front to the ground. No that's just sad and a little funny.

Alright how about the pharmacy that sells tobacco or the cardio thoracic surgeon that smokes between telling patients that smoking is bad for you. Or the 5th dentist that thinks chewing sugar filled bubble gum is good for your teeth. Nope all of those are either greedy or plain dumb.

Well then maybe I don't know what irony is either... How ironic. Don't you think?


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