I have had my fair share of relationships in my 41 years of life. Some good some not so good and some down right tragic. I've learned enough to teach a full semester of college. I have loved and lost more than most and many times it has been the complete fault of the one I see daily in the mirror. I have a lot to draw on for experience and I am certainly not perfect when it comes to love. Charles The Love Doctor is now in and this brings me to my first point:
Love and trust are the same damn thing!
When you say to someone "I love you" you are essentially saying "I trust you with everything and all I have." I am not just speaking about worldly possessions here. This means you trust this person with every detail of your life. Every speck that is you. Think about it for a moment. This means even those completely messed up thoughts you have in the middle of the night. You trust that person with it all. Whatever makes you laugh, cry, lose your mind or could completely tear you down as a individual. Telling that person you love them means you trust them with all of that. You trust no only that they will listen but that they will respect and honor that information and never use it against you or purposefully hurt you in any way. If I hear one more person say to me "I love them but I don't trust them" I might just poke that person in the eye. Also keep in mind trust is all or nothing. There is no thing as being "sort of pregnant" and there is no such thing as only having a little trust. Black and white here people. No grey area!
You may think you love that person. However without trust. Love is not what you are feeling. You are feeling a number of other emotions. Lust, desire, comfort, solitude, maybe even a small touch of security. Sort of like Linus from The Peanuts with his blanket. Sure he could walk without it, but he didn't want to. Saying you love someone you don't trust is just that.
Take off your blinders!
Realize dead weight when you see it! I was talking to a girl tonight that told me she wants to leave her current boyfriend because they fight all the time, he doesn't have a job, he deals drugs for money, also he is on drugs to stay away from other harder drugs, he's been to prison already, he doesn't even have his original teeth and he can't keep even the most menial of jobs because he doesn't like the work. All this while she is working two jobs and supporting the two of them. He keeps telling her he is going to change and every once in a great while shows just enough initiative to keep her thinking happy thoughts but really we all know that will never happen. All this and she says "But I love him and can't just let him go because I care too much." What in the holiest of fuck...???
One, stop hiding behind you care too much. That's not it. You are afraid to be alone. End of sentence. Trust me when I tell you being alone is a scary place. There is lots of uncertainty and everywhere you go there are happy couples and songs on the radio about love and affection. Will anyone ever love you again? Maybe. Going to bed alone is awful. I actually miss cold feet on me before I go to sleep, or just feeling someone rest her head on my chest before we roll over to sleep. Being single is only what I can imagine purgatory to be like. Even worse it's like being an ugly cat at an animal shelter. You know like the ones with no fur and resting bitch face. The ones that look like foreskin with attitude... Women walk by and look at you and seem to say "well look at him. I mean sure he has big ears and a jacked up behind but he means well. I mean I would take him home but I have a dog already..." All I can tell you is that someday some one special will come into your life... or not. How the hell should I know. What I do know is staying in that relationship means you will never find the right one.
Second, do you know why you never see homeless people and millionaires hanging out? Because successful people surround themselves with other successful people. Many times we are a product of our environment. This doesn't mean you need to rush out and find millionaire friends and then you too will be a millionaire. What this means is successful people come in all shapes and backgrounds. This knucklehead however is never going to be shit! Everyday there is going to be another excuse of how the system or his issues hold him back from achieving a higher level. You on the other hand are buying the very flaming bag of crap he is selling. Just like Chris Rock says about relationships working. I'm paraphrasing here but he says: "You have to be on the same page or that shit just isn't going to work. If one of you is like I'm headed to church what are you doing today? I'm going to smoke crack! That relationship is doomed. At least if your both crack-heads you can be crack-heads together."
Finally, of course he says he loves you. He's going to cling to her ass like a midget to a flagpole in a hurricane. You are all his ass has. The only thing he can give you is loyalty. You are his alpha and omega. Count all the tangible aspects he brings to the relationship. Wake me up when he gets to 3 if he ever does.
Bottom line here is you need to be able to look beyond your feelings. Is this person ever going to enrich your life. Sure his family and friends probably love you to death. Why? Because you are keeping that pain in the ass out of their hair. You're keeping him from dragging them down. Bet your ass they want to see your relationship last. They will even pump you up and cheers you on.
Know when to hold and when to fold!
Just like Kenny Rogers sang in "The Gambler." "Know when to walk away and know when to run." Truer words have never been spoken. Alright maybe they have been, but that is some pretty damn good advice. When you do call it quits, do it all the way. Leaving the door open for reunions and hangouts is just keeping the thought alive and the wound covered. Summon up your virtual cohunes and drop the hammer on them. "I took a vote and you are out." Tear off the band-aide completely and toss it away. Like my Mom always told me, "If you are in a relationship and you need the person to change, then you are in it for the wrong reasons."
That is all the knowledge I have for tonight boys and girls. My glass is empty and my eyes are tired...
Mic drop... Cheers!