Grey what???

I like to keep myself in somewhat respectable shape. I workout a few times a week, brush my teeth a couple times a day, shower a couple times as well. When I shower like any man I make sure "old Hank and the twins" get a good scrub. Guys know the routine, start at the chest with the soap and get a little lather then straight down to the boys, back up to the arms and pits, back to the "junk," underneath and then around the corner for the between the cheeks karate chop scrub technique and of course back to "Mr, One Eye." Legs are next but lets face it we all only get to about the knee. The feet? Well we are standing in soapy water. The routine continues much the same rhythm. Women wonder why we are in there as long as we are and no we are not masturbating because that just burns if you get soap in the little hole.


Not to get off topic but think about that community bar of soap for a moment. I mean if that bar could talk! All the places it has been. I don't know about you all but I don't use a wash rag. Then the next person comes in and goes about their nooks, crannies and what nots. And then you are pissed that you are out of hot water? I think I should be more pissed about washing my face when I was a kid and we had the family bar of soap after my Dad was in there doing the routine I surely mimic today.



So there I was doing my whole thing and it was time to do a bit of man-scaping. The shorter the grass the taller the tree looks I personally think. Not to mention who doesn't like going to a clean park? What do my wandering eyes see? A grey hair! Grey around the "twig and berries!" Where the hell did this come from and who can be held responsible for this. It was bad enough I started to find Rip Van Winkle-esc eyebrow hairs every so often and trim my nose hair lest I look like a party favor next time I sneeze. And the ear hair... ugh! This is however the last straw! The "little prince" is the last bastion of hope in many mans eyes.


Whats next Cialis, Lavitra, the little blue pills? Do I just give up and put a couple bathtubs on a hills side and hope the water isn't too cold? So many questions, concerns and sad realities.


Yes it's true I still have a AOL account, I remember when video stores carried strictly VHS, Beta Max actually existed and the way of the future was suppose to be laser disc. "Don't you feel ridiculous if you bought one of those players. I remember when shows like "Sanford and Son," "The Brady Bunch," "Growing Pains" where brand new episodes and not reruns on Nick at Night. For that matter I remember when David Hasselhoff was cool, The haircuts on Friends where all the rage, UHF and VHF existed, Spiderman's costume in his big movies look like nothing more than footy pajamas and life before microwave ovens, answering machines, cell phones and MTV.

I realize growing old is just the natural progression of things but at 28 I already am concerned with having a saggy bottom, slowly declining parts like an old Ford and the need to have a colonoscopy and my Mom keeps telling me to have my cholesterol checked. But no one ever warned me about grey hair around the base of "Mr. Winkey!"


Yes and in a way there is a bit of pride and wondering if it makes it look a bit more distinguished. Should I let it grow a beard and refer to my penis as "The Most Interesting Penis Alive?"


Well with all these questions looming I have only one suggestion and that is to have a drink. Not just any drink mind you but one befitting of such a circumstance. Here are a few. Good luck and happy plucking.
 

Viagra Cocktail

Serve in a pint glass filled w/ ice
2 oz. - Citron Vodka
1 can - Red Bull
.5 oz -  Blue Curacao

One Eyed Snake

.5 oz - Raspberry Vodka

.5 oz -Vanilla Vodka

.5 oz -White Rum

.5 oz -Lemon Rum

.5 oz -Peach Schnapps

1 oz. - Pineapple Juice

Splash Grenadine

Pinch of Brown Sugar

Toss and serve in a tall glass over ice

Fountain of Youth Martini

2 oz. - Vodka

1 oz. -  St. Germaine

1 oz. - Pomegranate Juice

Squeeze of one lemon slice

Shake over ice and strain

Top with Champagne

Garnish with 3 Blueberries

Cheers!