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Thoughts, stories, ideas, recipes, cheers, and more... What else did you think you would get for a $1 tip?

For those of you looking for something on the more sophisticated side you have my apologies. This blog unfortunately mirrors the author (yours truly.) Some of the humor is not for everyone but I liked it and it's my blog so there! My patrons sometimes ask me where I come up with some of this stuff. I am glad to tell them my mind is a lot like Canada. It is sometimes a bit cold, there are a few dark corners, some of it down right confusing and even a bit dirty but there is also a lot of neat stuff up there. So I hope you all enjoy this blog! ... Cheers!

Wednesday, September 18, 2013

Hooray for Boobies!

Fun bags, hooters, melons, boobies, the girls, jugs, bazoombas, ta-ta's, golden bozos, bra boulders, orbs, globes, titties, bouncing lovelies, sweater meat, yams, dirty pillows, party balls, milk makers, knockers, speed bumps, assets, water coolers, bumpers, mounds, twin peaks, targets, warheads, boobs, breasticles,
beach balls, blouse puppies, honkers, and tits. Those where just a few euphemisms I could come up with off the top of dome. Imagine if I sat down and really thought about it and made a real list? Then again the day would go something like sit down with pen and paper think of three names, want to see the real thing, go on the Internet to see the bouncing Bettie's, spend an hour on the Internet, grab a chicken burrito and a hot towel, take a nap and repeat this process about 10 times till I have no more names left or the day is over. This posting would never be forever a work in progress... I digress.

The subject matter here if you haven't noticed already is breasts! HOORAY!!! Feels sort of like the end of Sesame Street. Today's message is brought to you by the letter B and the number 2. Whichever way you slice it just like pink being the new black. Tits are in! Big, small, happy, sad, perky or staring at the floor. As a man I can tell you that we want to see them all. All men and even women want to see them. We all love a great rack. (Hey there's another name.) Even gay guys want to see them. Even better they have a free pass to grab just about any set without risk of injury. We are all guilty of adoring the almighty boob and with good reason. They are just so many to choose from. The spherical shape is inviting with no jagged edges then coming to the perfect ending with a built in pacifier. I know a few ladies with misinformed or totally uneven breasts  and if they didn't have the moral fortitude that they did they could easily enter a wet t-shirt contest and take home both 1st and 3rd prize.

Ladies who have the perfect set have it made. Take the homeliest looking woman and put a great set on her and she never gets a traffic ticket as long as she lives. Ladies forget the tears next time you are pulled over even if the cop is a women. You could be doing 80 in a school zone, while popping a wheelie in a Winnebago and you will be let off the hook if you are showing the right amount of cleavage. 

Look around and you see pink ribbons and "Save the Ta-ta's"  stickers around every corner. No one is sporting blue testicle cancer ribbons on their truck or wearing a brown colon cancer bracelet. Even Lance Armstrong before everyone thought he was a douche bag was a champion of the cancer cause, but even he went with yellow and the phrase "Live Strong" to support cancer research and even that was all cancer not focused on saving the nuts. Not to take any seriousness away from the cause. I have had friends, relatives, family and neighbors that have suffered from breast cancer and it is a very serious cause. Something I hope we find a cure to in the near future. However with that said I would run
 5k all day long if we could wipe out boob disease and I HATE running! The group that came up with the "Save the ta-ta's" campaign should be nominated for a Nobel Peace Prize while the guy who thought he would change the state of awareness with the "Love your junk" campaign isn't even allowed back into his old high school and his parents stay far away from what he does for a living at parties in mixed company. Even NFL and NBA teams have taken up the cause. At least one week of the NFL season you will see these manliest of men, 300+ lb behemoths doing battle on the gridiron in pretty pink shoes, towels, socks, shoes and gloves. It is one thing for the WNBA to do it. But could you picture years ago before it became in style to support such
causes on a public stage. I couldn't imagine Dick Butkiss with his flat top haircut or "Mean-Joe" Greene with his deadly snarl wearing anything pink on Sunday. But we as a culture have evolved and there is no longer public ridicule. Where as before in my early years the Oakland Raiders had shirts that said "Real Men Wear Black" emblazoned across the chest for all their fans. Now Pink has taken its place.

I have seen the inside of many a bars and not once have I ever heard someone yell out "show us your balls!" Now yes it is possible I have not been to the right bar for that phrase but go to ANY bar and a woman dumps out the girls and there is going to be jubilation. She will probably even get a free drink or two. Guys whip out old Hank and the Twins and you are more than likely going to get tossed out of the bar with your pants around your ankles and heckled all the way to the waiting police car where you will be booked for public indecency. No matter how well groomed and pretty your man meat may be they still aren't really all that attractive. Even a set of those sweet truck nuts you can hang from the trailer hitch of your pretty Chevy looks like a sad disabled veteran sitting on two beat up duffel bags.

Yes, I say again tits are IN! This is the decade of the boobie!... Unless your a dude with man boobs (moobies) then leave your shirt on because that shit is out and with good reason. Keep swimming with a t-shirt on chubby. If it were a good thing for us guys to have a great set of jugs you can bet we would have those bad boys surgically enhanced. Forget Viagra. The newest craze would be estrogen pills and fellas would be crying at the drop of a hat and we would lose every war imaginable. By now the US would be Communist. You could bet the house on that. Surgeons newest issue would be to find a way to make them refillable like camel bags with something useful in them like beer, wine or chocolate milk. You know for sure we couldn't be trusted with them for long either because now every guy would be armed with a loaded super soaker.
For now though we are all held hostage by your set of morals ladies. But know this. We ALL love breasts. If someone flashes us on the highway when our day is complete crap I guarantee that completely changes the course of the evening. The only thing remembered is some happy woman grinning ear to ear while dumping out the twins! So my advice to you all here is if you got them flaunt them! Don't keep them all to yourself! I know I and everyone else wants to see them! Flash a stranger it's good for their mental health and the response you will get will give you lift that will last the whole day. Traffic will become bearable, coffee will seem unnecessary and smiles will be endless! On the flip side of this, I and everyone else should set aside a jug (feel free to paint it pink)
and every time you get to see a fresh rack put a small donation in. At years end sit back with the memories of
the mamories and donate the contents to cancer research. It's a win-win all the way around. So ladies I implore you all please to show us your tits!!!


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